Was just thinking that if I shaved and shined my scalp and stood out in the sun, I could blind passersby or start a fire.

Just some random reflections off the top of my head.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she suggested that he shave his beard. “Oh Ken, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” Ken replied, “My wife loves this beard, there is no way I could shave it, she would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice. Ken sighed and finally gave in and shaved his face smooth.

That night Ken crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. His wife woke up, reached over and felt his face and said, “Oh Tony, you shouldn't be here, my husba...

I'm an ex-neckbeard and I just shaved for the very first time!

I guess you could say I lost my fur-chin-ity..

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the co...

My pandemic no-shaving challenge is going great! I haven't shaved before work in months!

I also haven't worked in months.

An older man sees a sign saying "Free Shaves! Closest you'll ever get!"

The old man walks into the barber shop and goes to the counter.

"Free shaves eh? And you claim that they are close? All these wrinkles make it impossible for me to get a close one."

The barber smiles and hands him a wooden ball, and guides him over to the barber chair.

"Put ...

Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theo...

Shaving

I finally shaved my legs and donated the hair to locks of love.....

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.


That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay y...

A young man named Benny was a real party animal.

He lived for the good times of wine, women, and song. He wished he could continue his life style forever. A genie suddenly appeared before him and made him the following wish: Benny would remain forever young if he would never shave. If he were ever to shave the genie would return and transform him ...

At the Barber Shop

A man goes to the barber shop for a shave. While sitting down on the barber chair, he tells the barber that he can never properly shave his cheeks.


The barber goes to a drawer and takes out a small wooden ball. He tells the client to place it in his mouth between the cheek and his teet...

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So my mate rubs his hands over my freshly shaved head and laughs "Feels just like my wife's arse!"

I rubbed my hands over my head and blinked in surprise. "You're right, it absolutely does."

I haven't shaved my mustache since the lockdown begun...

And it's kind of growing on me.

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A woman asked if I liked thighs or breasts

I told her I liked shaved vaginas and anal. I now have a lifetime ban at KFC.

Last night I shaved my head, and my wife has been rubbing my scalp all morning.

Tonight I'm shaving my crotch.

A goat shaved away it's beard and remarked

Not by the glare of my chinny chin chin

I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.

He's been furloughed too.

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What’s the difference between shaved and unshaved oral sex?

One is private and the other is pubelick.

This woman, who has never shaved her armpits, is sitting in a bar...

This woman is sitting in a bar, wearing some sort of tube top. She has never shaved her armpits in her entire life, so, as a result, she has a thick black bush under each arm. Every twenty minutes, she raises her arm up and flags the bartender for another drink.

This goes on all night. The ot...

A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven times a day and still had a beard at the end of the day

He was a Barber.

Two eggs in the fridge are talking

The first one says: dude, you could have shaved.
The other one answers: I am a kiwi.

I’ve been going out with this girl for a while. She’s been getting really into makeup. She even shaved off her eyebrows to draw them on. This morning I told her she drew them too high...

...at first I thought she would be mad at me, but she actually seemed surprised!

-Dad! You shaved my eyebrows while I was sleeping?

-Yes, and you don't seem surprised

My friend shaved her eyebrows and has been drawing them on. Lately, she's been drawing them too high.

When I told her, she looked surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy says to the hairdresser, I want the hair on top shaved down the middle on the side one shaved all the way the other side leave as it it is, hairdresser replied, sorry sir but I cannot do that.

I said well you fucking did last time.

What do you call the Incredible Hulk when he hasn’t shaved in a few days?

Mark Scruffalo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love this joke but it's in Venetian dialect so I'll try to translate it see if you like it

A man goes in this new place that matches you up with the prostitutes that fits you perfectly.

So he goes in, he pays the 100€ and gets in front of 2 doors.

One says "blonde" the other "brunette".

"Oh fam I'm all for that brunette puss ayy".

And he goes into the "brunett...

When I picked up my date I explained how I had shaved off my entire beard for her.

Then I looked at her and asked why she hadn’t done the same for me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A former maths professor turned dentist shaved my infected tooth down into a single thin line...

I asked him, "What the hell is this?"

He replied, "A square root canal."

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