One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

A guy goes on a dating show where he has to whittle down 30 girls to 1.

After a few rounds he has reduced 30 down to 5. Ann, Kira, Gee, Beth and Kaitlin still remain.

"OK ladies and gentlemen, we have five contestants remaining", announces the presenter, "you have a tough choice to make. Which one of these lovely girls will you take home tonight?"

Theres ...

What's the best way to carve wood ?

Whittle by whittle

What do you call a woodcarver with no money?

Poor whittle guy

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Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.

The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one.

He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem.

But he wa...

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A beaver is at the doctor

A doctor is in a checkup room and had been following up with a patient, who is a beaver, for the past hour with an unexplainable illness.

They’ve eventually whittled down options and are now facing normal protocol to see if he’s actually sick or if it’s something else.

“Well, we’ve che...

Anyone wanna join my prayer group for woodworkers?

It's called "Oh, Ye of Whittle Faith."

I recently took up wood carving, and accidentally cut my finger.

It’s nothing serious. It’s just a whittle cut.

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I got a bunch of laughs taffy’s on Saturday and thought I’d share

Q: Who was responsible for the lakes disarray

A: The loch mess monster

Q:Why did the girl have a tiny wooden infant

A: She wanted a whittle baby

Q: What type of data has a big bite

A: megabyte

Q: What can you catch but not throw

A: A cold

Q: Wh...

Little Johnny had an accident.

One day, while working on the family farm, Little Johnny fell and badly damaged his left eye. The doctors couldn’t save it, so it was removed.

His family didn’t have the money for a fancy prosthesis, so his dad whittled him a wooden eye, and carefully painted and lacquered it. From a distanc...

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

Timbuktu

The chief poet of the town dies, so they have to elect a new one. The voting whittles the candidates down to two. The town holds a feast to choose the winner. The mayor stands up and declares that the winner shall be decided by voting on the poem the candidates can come up with on the spot based on ...

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The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

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[NSFW] There's two fellas way out in the woods in Virginia...

The name of one is Cecil. It's not important what the other one's name is.

They're bored, just trying to kill time while they whittle.

The more talkative fella, he says to Cecil, "Have you ever heard of the game 20 questions?" And Cecil says, "Nope."

"Well, the way you play i...

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Voodoo Dick

So a business man has finally come home from his most recent trip. This is the 50th trip this year and his wife is getting really annoyed. This particular time she is really chewing him out saying she doesn't get laid enough and she has finally decided to divorce him and take half his things. The bu...

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