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Shaving Jokes

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One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee.

The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The ...

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Shaving with a straight razor takes a lot of courage. I used to shave my privates with one

But I don't have the balls to do that anymore.

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The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

(This might be a repost, but my friend told me it and I thought it was funny.)

The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

"Daddy, what does ass mean?"

"It means... beard."

Downstairs, the b...

My Wife is always cutting herself shaving...

I guess her mum didn't razor right

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Shaving your ass and going on a crusade are rather similar.

All you need to be successful is a sharp blade and unwavering faith.

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

I've just been let go from my job at the hospital, shaving patients in preparation for spinal surgery.

It's due to all the cut backs.

Shaving

I finally shaved my legs and donated the hair to locks of love.....

I made a mistake shaving my privates today

Or "gross misconduct" as my court martial put it

A doctor had an unusual habit.

He had a fee of $50, no matter what ailment. If he failed in finding a cure, he would give $500 to the patient.

One day, a man came to him and said, "Doctor, my sense of taste is deteriorating."
The doctor gave him a jar and said, "Have a spoonful of this."
The man tries some, spits...

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I know shaving a scrotum is something that can be done

But I don’t have the balls to do it.

I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise...

He shouted "what the Hellman!"

A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

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A man is shaving

A man is shaving with a straight-edged razor when the razor drops out of his hands and lops off his penis. He gathers it up, stuffs it in his pocket, rushes outside and hails a cab, telling the driver to get him to the emergency room fast.

There he tells the surgeon what happened and the s...

Why did Santa quit shaving and grow out his now long white beard?

Same reason why he's called "Saint Nick".

Old cowboy comes into the barber shop for a shave.

Tells the barber, “I’m lookin for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age the sun and wind, I haven’t had a close clean shave in years.”

Barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “stick this in your cheek like a squirrel.”

The old cowboy does as he is told and the wr...

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

I cut myself shaving today...

because who has time to do both?

A man was standing in front of his bathroom mirror shaving

His young son came in the room and said: "Dad, when I grow up I want to be just like you!"

The man puffed up his chest proudly and asked: "Why's that son?"

His son replied: "So I can have a son just like me"

I caught my chin shaving in the mirror.

That's when I knew the LSD had kicked in.

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Redneck is shaving in front of a mirror naked.

His 4 year old daughter runs into the bathroom. She says "What are you doing?"

The redneck replies "Shaving"

The little girl staring at the naked man for awhile points at the mans penis and says "Whats that?"

The redneck pauses, looks down and says "Thats my dick."

The g...

Why are deep thinkers better than everyone else at realizing they missed a spot shaving?

(rubs chin) hmmmm

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So my wife walked in on me while I was shaving my balls and asked me what I was doing...

Apparently “meal prepping” wasn’t the right answer.

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