A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

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The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

(This might be a repost, but my friend told me it and I thought it was funny.)

The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

"Daddy, what does ass mean?"

"It means... beard."

Downstairs, the b...

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Shaving with a straight razor takes a lot of courage..

I used to shave my privates with one, but I don’t have the balls to do that now.

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The Four Balconies- NSFW

There was an apt building with 4 balconies. On the bottom one there was a guy that loved to eat pickles every day out there. On the balcony above him was an eccentric painter that was obsessed with the color green and if anything, even a leaf flew by, he'd grab it and paint it green. On the 3rd balc...

Last night I shaved my head, and my wife has been rubbing my scalp all morning.

Tonight I'm shaving my crotch.

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Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

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A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

I cut myself while I was shaving this morning.

Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I’m not still ambidextrous.

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Why Men Are Happier

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will e...

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James is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Lucas, comes in to pee. He slyly looks over and is shocked at how supersize Lucas penis is. He can’t help himself, and asks him what his secret is.

“Well,” says Lucas, “every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bed three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!”

James was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out hi...

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Dad, Sister and Mum

So my dad is in the bathroom shaving his beard as usual, when he drops his razor and shouts "Dick!"

I ask "What does Dick Mean?"

He says it means "Beard" and I say "Okay"

I go downstairs into the living room, where my sister is eating Cake. She drops the spoon she is using onto ...

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So my wife walked in on me while I was shaving my balls and asked me what I was doing...

Apparently “meal prepping” wasn’t the right answer.

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?

By shaving with them.

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A man is shaving

A man is shaving with a straight-edged razor when the razor drops out of his hands and lops off his penis. He gathers it up, stuffs it in his pocket, rushes outside and hails a cab, telling the driver to get him to the emergency room fast.

There he tells the surgeon what happened and the s...

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How is shaving your dick and balls like time travel for roosters?

It turns an old cock into tender meat and eggs.

Happy Father's Day!

There is a new cult called The Order of the Follicle that worships human hair.

Shaving is considered hair-esy.

Gimli was going on a date last night, so I let him borrow my hair gel and my shaving foam.

And my Axe.

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My mate just cut himself while shaving...

bloody wanker!

I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise...

He shouted "what the Hellman!"

A man was standing in front of his bathroom mirror shaving

His young son came in the room and said: "Dad, when I grow up I want to be just like you!"

The man puffed up his chest proudly and asked: "Why's that son?"

His son replied: "So I can have a son just like me"

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Christmas Supper

**Might of heard this one before**

A boy and his family prepare for a Christmas supper with his grandparents and a few of their friends.

The boy walks over to the kitchen and sees his mother carving the turkey.

She slices her finger open and yells "fuck".

The boy looks ...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

-Doctor, ive tried everything to find love but it just wont work, what else can i do?

\-Have you tried shaving your mustache?

\-No

\-Well you should, Karen.

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