Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

When I introduce myself, no one takes me seriously.

I don't understand why. The only thing I say is, "Hi, I'm Joe King."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do prostitutes always take things so seriously?

They always give a fuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

Nice to see that the Taliban are taking COVID seriously

They kill any woman not wearing a mask. They aren't playing around.

From a post on r/conservative I found.

My friend didn't take one of his power tools seriously.

Luckily it was just a drill.

Did you hear about the recent lottery winner? It was the Old Woman In A Shoe, seriously! Guess where she lives now?

Beverly Heels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm glad everyone is taking Covi-19 seriously.

Just saw a bum vaccinating himself under a bridge.

I came up with a great science joke, but the scientists didn't take it seriously enough to laugh at.

They told me it hadn't been peer reviewed.

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

Some people don't take spelling seriously...

... but a 'd' is the only difference between being a lady and a laddy.

Seriously people need to stop with the pi day jokes.

I've heard them all like 3.14 million times already

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

Seriously, I think the only difference between us is that you're an adult.

I kid you not.

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out...

...I’m just after my money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

WIFE: if you quote Ace Ventura one more time, I'm seriously going to leave you

ME: alllllllllrighty then

When my Grandad fell seriously ill we covered his back in lard.

He went downhill rapidly after that.

What's the difference between a politician and a crook?

No, seriously, I can't tell.

A group of Soviet tourists takes express-lesson of Italian before departure.

-Write a couple of phrases in Italian - tour guide says - such as: ''How much does lemonade cost?'', ''Where is the pharmacy?''

One of the tourists asks:
-How do I say ''Please, provide me a political asylum''?

-What have you just said? - asks another tourist seriously.

-Nev...

Ladies. Seriously.

When a man is with you in the shower and soaping your back sensually, you say "Thanks".

Not "who are you and what are you doing in my shower?"

I know people take the age gap seriously but it's getting ridiculous

For example as a twenty-two year old I'll sometimes bring twenty-one year olds to the bar with me and it's nothing but mean and insensitive comments like they're too young to drink, and where'd you find 20 of them?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inmate is in the prison cafeteria on his first day in jail.

He's eating his lunch, minding his own business when suddenly another inmate shouts out **"86!"** and everybody bursts out laughing. The new inmate is confused, but says nothing.

A moment later another inmate shouts out **"13!"** and everybody bursts out laughing again. The new inmate is ser...

Why does John Cena take COVID19 seriously?

Because he doesn't want to go to the ICU.

I seriously hate it when a couple starts arguing in front of you.

They could've at least waited until I got dressed and left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple walks into a bar and the husband asks for whatever is on tap and cheap...

...the bartender reaches for the cheap stuff and pours them Busch. They drink a little bit and seem satisfied as the wife asks her husband,

"What beer is this? Who makes it?"

The husband, unsure due to his vague order asks the bartender "Hey, who makes this beer? My wife is curious."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Military is cutting staff (repost most likely)

The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said she didn't think it was possible to seriously injure yourself by masturbating

But I managed to pull it off.

Oh no! Someone got seriously injured at the Nintendo headquarters! Call an ambulance!

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

A senior citizen drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him

He floored it to 140, then 150, ... then 170, ...

Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift end...

This sub is seriously falling apart

I knew I should’ve gone to Subway

Seriously, she has Multiple Personality Disorder?

Yeah, crazy right. Sharon is Karen.

People are taking "Stay at home" quite seriously

My dad who went out to buy cigarettes 20 years ago, just came back home.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant (pre Covid)

Suddenly, a girl walked towards me and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, MURDERER??"

"Seriously Vanessa, it was 20 years ago and your dad had a knife..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill worked in a pickle factory...

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk abou...

My roofer friend takes his job very seriously

He always goes over the top to get the job done

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newby Salesperson (Long joke)

NOTE: My husband thinks this joke is sexist, but I think it's hilarious.

A young man desperately needed a good paying job, so he applied as a salesperson for a large, everything-under-one-roof store.

The manager, seeing how young the man was, was doubtful he could sell anything, but th...

I knew a guy with a lisp I didn’t take seriously. But when he said binith

I knew he meant business

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Over the last few months I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping at Home Depot.

Simply going out to get supplies


has turned out to be very traumatic for me. Don't be


naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your


friends. Here's how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over

...

I’m in Spain but the S and the I are silent

Seriously guys help, Im being cooked alive right at this very moment

If you think of something you seriously wanted to do while inside of your camping shelter,

you're thinking in the tense in-tent intent tense

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pair of aliens land in the desert near an old abandoned gas station.

Seeing nothing else around, they assume the gas pumps are the dominant life form and approach one to ask it questions. When the pump fails to respond, the aliens begin to grow frustrated, and one pulls out his weapon and threatens the pump.

"Respond now, or I shall blast you into atoms!"
<...

Young, healthy people need to take Covid-19 seriously.

Even though I am not at risk of dying from the condition, I have the responsibility to not spread the virus to a point where the healthcare needs exceed our capacity. If I am going to be the reason someone's grandma dies, it should be because of how good I am in bed, not because I sneezed in the pro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So these three friends went to a park to enjoy their Sunday.

Jim, Tim and Maximilian found a place near a tree to settle down and lay out their stuff. They'd been through a hectic week and they deserved this break, particularly Tim, who had been through the most. So they pulled out their drinks and lay it on the mat, and set up their radio to play some relaxi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if u give a lawyer viagra?

He grows.





But seriously: what do lawyers use for birth control?


Their business card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Catholic man and his old Jewish friend are driving in a car

As they're driving along, misfortune befalls them and they get into a serious accident. The Catholic man isn't seriously injured and manages to crawl out of the wrecked car. As he stands, he makes the sign of the cross and quickly thanks God for protecting him. He then goes to check on his friend an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has taken mask wearing very seriously

She even makes me wear it during sex

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on tour with my rugby team

On the last night we all got on the beers and later on in the evening my team mates passed me a pint of warm yellow liquid while all of them were giggling like school girls.

Not to be out done I swallowed half of it and then vomited.

"You fucking bastards" I said "Seriously how old are...

My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year

Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...

I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.

India is taking social distancing seriously

Citizens without masks were seen getting hard whacks on the behind by policeman with batons as punishment.

When asked if the punishment was too severe, one constable responded, "Not at all. I'm just flattening the curve".

I don't think people are taking how deadly Covid-19 is seriously enough.

I mean, in China you can die just from talking about it.

I got seriously drunk tonight and took a taxi home.

Who knows where I got it or how I'm going to return it.

Satchmo: "My trumpet is very handy. It tells me what time it is." Sanborn: "Seriously?" Satchmo launches into a jazzy riff.

Immediately, the occupant of the apartment next door bangs on the wall and hollers, "Hey, pipe down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In light of „jewish“ space lasers

1939
A Jewish man was sitting in the New York Metro reading a german newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be in the same subway , noticed this strange phenomenon.
Very upset, he approached him and said:

'Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a nazi newspaper?'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night I seriously felt shit.

My toilet paper ripped mid wipe.

Comedians have decided to take covid 19 more seriously

From now on they’ll only be telling inside jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What's that constellation right there?" "Wait, you seriously don't know?"

Bitch, Pleiades.

To everybody that takes black jokes so seriously...

Maybe you should lighten up a little.

Joe Biden is not my president. I didn't vote for him!!!

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest

He seriously misunderstood the objective.

An overweight businessman decided it was time to shed some excess weight. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic muffin. The office all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

“This is a very special muffin,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no ...

Author Joe Hill didn't want anybody to know he was Stephen King's son because he was afraid he wouldn't be taken seriously.

Otherwise, he would be Joe King.

The UK is really taking the Paris Climate Agreement seriously.

Yesterday they voted to become Corbyn-neutral by 2020.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.