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A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches.

After a thorough examination, the doctor turned to him and said: "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration." "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches...

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Once Abdul's wife had a severe stomach ache..

He tried Google, asked his friends and relatives, but no respite from the pain for his wife. Finally, someone suggested to him a reputed Gastroenterologist, and he called him.

Abdul: "Doctor! Please help my wife. She has a severe stomach ache, and I tried everywhere, and nothing is helping. W...

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The doctor said I have severe constipation

I couldn't take his shit

After cleaning up from a recent severe storm, my neighbor offered me free wood for my fireplace.

That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.

In my day, schooling was so severe.

If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.

Tough measures.

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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it! Screaming.

she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment ...

What do you call a person with severe ADHD

AD4K

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Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years.

Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years. He is now in his 30s still suffering terrible headaches. Doctors have run every test known, tried every medicine but still the headaches continue.

Eventually the man finds himself another doctor who after a thorough examination tells ...

My idea of holding a summer vacation school to help kids with severe ADHD failed.

Do you think it's because I called it a "Concentration Camp?"

Wow, my ex must have a severe case of the coronavirus.

I just got a notice from a judge saying to stay at least 50 feet away from her!

What did Sauron say when he got to the hospital with severe covid symptoms?

ICU

Breaking News: Putin orders full investigation and promises severe punishment for whoever poisoned opposition politician Navalny...

insufficiently.

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I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I’m full of shit

I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad.

I had to get a double kid knee transplant.

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agr...

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness

That came out of nowhere

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements....

"Tough shit" he said.

What is the name of a severely injured historical figure?

Napoleon Bone-Apart!

Police suspect that a recent string of burglaries have been committed by a person obviously suffering from severe IBS. The culprit has left their "calling card" at each house they've broken into.

Unfortunately, the police have no firm leads.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "N...

What's the most severe long term effect of COVID-19?

The hospital bill.

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If someone with a severe banana allergy eats a banana cream pie....

Will they go into bananaphylactic shock?

[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

An American, a German and a Chinese got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia

So for the terrible crime, they were all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping .."

The German was first in lin...

A fancy country club has a severe bee problem on the golf course.

The board of trustees decide to eradicate the bees they need to hire an expert. The bee entomologist is very expensive and the board decides they need to assess each member an additional $100 to their monthly dues for bee eradication.

Weeks after the treatment and it appears the course is b...

During a severely cold winter long ago, a well-known American poet came up behind me and gnawed on my leg.

That was the only time I've ever encountered Frost bite.

My wife just called me severely ignorant

and I was like, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

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Man with severe stutter orders a drink...

Bartender tells him, "Years ago a I had a stutter just like yours, but my wife cured me during a marathon day of constant sex. After hours and hours, I was so exhausted, could hardly breathe and finally passed out. When I woke up, the stutter was gone!"

Couple days later, the same guy came ...

We should have known that the coronavirus was more severe sooner.

There were red flags everywhere.

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I have OCD which severely affects my sex life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

I went to my doctor because I had severe chest pain that wasn't going away

I freaked out when he couldn't figure out what it was and ended up referring me to a cardiologist.

The cardiologist ran some labs and scans and told me to wait for the results in his office.

I was relieved when the doctor came back with the results with a huge smile on his face.
...

Due to a severe increase in Teachers having affairs with their Students,

Homeschooling has been banned by the Governor of Alabama.

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A guy goes over to his new girlfriends house for dinner with her family. Unfortunately he has severe gas...

He is fighting to hold it in while they all eat.
Unable to hold it in anymore he lets out a fart and the grandma shouts “Rover!” He realizes the dog is sitting next to him and is relieved that the dog is being blamed. So naturally he lets out another one and this time the father shouts “Rover!” ...

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A Practical Decision

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn...

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

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Jesus Christ is dying on the cross.....

His disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, “Peter, come hither!”

Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disc...

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There was a King who's Queen was horny af

She couldn't last a day without sex and was quite a seductress. He had no problems with this as she was super hot and she was always by her side but one day the king had to go to a nearby village to quell an uprising for a few days. There was nothing he could do to avoid it and taking the Queen with...

I was told I had a severe mental condition.

So I reassured the man in the mirror that I had I *moderate* mental condition.

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Abdul went to a doctor

Abdul: Doctor I have severe pain in my ass.

Doctor: Where exactly is the pain?

Abdul: Just at the ass entrance.

Doctor: My dear Abdul, it's a exit. As long as you will keep considering it entrance, pain will be there.

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City Planner: this intersection design would result in multiple, severe collisions every day

**Hot Wheels Creator:** dope, right?

**City Planner:** *[nodding]* super fuckin dope

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A science teacher asks her class of sixth graders, “students, what is a part of the body that when stimulated can grow ten times its size?”

Tattletale Susan gets angry in the back and yells, “teacher, that’s a dirty question! You can’t be asking questions like that! I’m gonna have my parents tell the principal and we’re gonna get you fired!”

The teacher ignores her and repeats the question, “alright class, what is a part of the b...

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Big Chief No Shit

In a small Native community the Medicine Man is making a potion when Big Chief of the Tribe who is suffering from severe constipation walks in and says

"Big Chief No Shit"

The Medicine man Gives him a Potion from the shelf. Big Chief walks away.

The next day Big Chief walks in a...

A man and woman are on a first date, everything is going great between them.

The man suggests they go to a local milk bar to share a milkshake, but the woman declines, saying she can’t have that stuff. Whilst searching for somewhere else to go, a car comes out of nowhere barreling towards them. The man is able to push his date out of the way, but the car runs over his foot, ...

I like my men how I like my coffee...

Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my throat

My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.

It was a real pane in the asp.

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I once dated a girl with severe Eczema...

She had a cracking pair of tits!

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

Lex Luthor invents a device that affects Superman's hearing

This way his crime-fighting abilities would be severely limited.

One Metropolis resident anxiously screams: "Help, Superman! They're robbing a bank!"

"Who's stopping a prank?", replies Superman, confused.

Another one begs: "Please help, Superman! Someone stole my car!"

"T...

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Two guys working at a sawmill....

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incred...

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