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Drive In Jokes

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Scientists have identified a food that completely kills sex drive in women.

It's called "wedding cake."

I saw a sign that said “Drive In Window.”

So I did.

Now my car is totaled and two people are in the hospital.

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

How do they drive in South Wales?

Very Caerphilly.

Why did the two blondes freeze to death at the drive in cinema?

They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

I found a way to drive in the HOV lane while alone.

I told the cop I was carrying John Cena

Name the worst two-wheel drive in Texas

Govenor Abbot

What do you drive in the fall?

An Autumn-mobile.

I came up with this when I was six :)

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A Drive in the Country

A man and a woman meet at a bar and are having a great time. The woman says, "I know a place a few miles outside of the city where we can get loud and crazy.

They get in his car and drive about 10 miles. The woman teases his cock the whole time he is driving. When they arrive the woman says,...

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There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie.

They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck, he couldn't move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned nude beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she managed to reach over the front...

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

Driving in Maryland

My girlfriend was next to me in my car the other day. We're driving through Baltimore and she says "Did you know Maryland is the third worst state to drive in?" over and over and over. About six miles later I get pulled over by a cop. The cop says "uhh sir? You do realize your girlfriend fell out of...

People are enjoying a drive in movie...

When all of a sudden a loud voice comes in over the intercom.

“To the man who’s taken my wife, I know you are here, I’ll be coming round with my baseball bat until I find you.”

27 Cars left right then and there.


Sorry if repost, purely coincidental.

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Always drive in reverse when you're drunk (True story)?

This is a true story. Many many years ago, before drink driving laws were as strong as they are today, a friend of my Dads, lets call him Dave, was leaving the pub, keys in hand and a hefty number of pints on board.

"Jesus, am I all right to drive" he wonders as he misses the ignition with th...

Why don't illegal immigrants like to drive in the winter?

They see the signs that say, "Watch for ICE on bridges".

How can you avoid hitting your fingers when you drive in a nail with a hammer ?

Hold the hammer with both hands.

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

A guy reads an ad for a car driving course. 'Learn how to drive in only 5 minutes!'

He turns up and asks, "How the hell can you teach how to drive in only 5 minutes?" The teacher replies, "It's a crash course."

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

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