This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

A drunk man was walking to his apartment, late one night, and accidentally fell down an elevator shaft.

When the paramedics arrived and pulled him out, he said, "Boy, that was a fast elevator!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the balls say to the shaft?

Wanna hang?

There once was a small mining town in which a man named Jim worked long and hard hours in a dark mine shaft.....

One day he and his fellow co-workers got paid and decided to have a night out on the town. They went to bars and burnt most of their money drinking, except for Jim. Jim had saved his money for something special, a brothel.

Jim walked into the brothel and boisterously exclaimed: "Show me to y...

Shafts and tattoos

Todd wants to get a tattoo of his girlfriend's name and decides to put it along his shaft. Now when he's erect it says "WENDY" and when he's flaccid it says "WY".

A few weeks later Todd and his girlfriend are taking a trip to Jamaica. As they're getting off the plane Todd has an urge to pee....

What happens when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A miner B flat

What happens when a piano falls on an army base?

A major B flat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King had a promiscuous wife...

He did not trust her with his life, but custom dictated that he remained with her until the end of time.
One day came a call for war. The king and his soldiers suited up to face the enemy, but there remained one thing he had to do. To ensure that the queen wouldn't go whoring about in his absenc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The US, England and Ireland are presented with a question. Why is the head of the penis larger than the shaft?

The US funds a study for 6 months at $20 million, and concludes it is to give the man more pleasure during sex.

The British, not to be outdone by the Yankees, spend 3 months and half the money, and concludes it's to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, not to be outdone ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

The double standards in relationships nowadays are ridiculous.

It's so bad that both the man *and* the woman are getting the shaft.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was taking a train to the city from a rural town, when he saw the most beautiful blonde he'd ever laid his eyes on

Upon close inspection, it seemed that the woman was a country bumpkin; and that he overheard her say to an attendant that it was her first time riding a train, and going to a big city.


Because his lust was too strong, he was determined to take advantage of her and waited for an opportunit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are piss drunk at a hotel, and they are looking for a bathroom.

They manage to stumble to a nearby maid and ask for directions. She points to the end of a long hall and says, "Head straight that way and take a right down two small flights of stairs and it'll be right there, you can't miss it."

Both friends begin the slow zigzag shuffle to the toilets, arm...

Credit to u/Draiu

John got a job at the local prison. On his first day, he saw a large, muscular man cranking a shaft inside of his cell. He turned to one of his fellow guards and asked, “Who’s that guy?”, referring to the man cranking the shaft.

“That’s Khan Drea. He’s in here for life, but the warden decided...

Why are waitresses so promiscuous?

Because they're either getting a big tip or feeling shafted

Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there. And Shaft.

Although I hear he is a bad mother...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

My Wife caught me blow drying my shaft

And Asked me what was i doing. Apparently heating your dinner was not the right answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An insecure engaged man wants to prove his devotion

An insecure engaged man wants to prove his devotion to his wife by getting her name tattooed on his penis. His fiance has been with many black men and he felt like he couldn't measure up to them.

He went to his local parlor and explained his idea, and the tattoo artist said "I've done this be...

Why do big trucks have nuts on the trailer hitch, but no shaft?

Because the prick's behind the wheel

The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers

But it was just a miner inconvenience

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

A boy and a girl were best friends since they were kids

They used to play with wooden toy pirates after school, using ventilation shafts in each others' houses as their place to get away from their family issues.

They used to play in these tunnels for years, until eventually they grew too old for this. However, they still stayed friends, and afte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joined a poker club

Just signed up for poker at a club and all the members have these "lucky charms" on the table this guy has a glass cube with a 4 leaf clover in it that girl has a mini bronze doggie statue, you get the point. So the next week I wanted bring a charm to fit in, but I forgot but the novelty store next ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 nuns went to a village and stayed a night at a lodging house.

Because it was a small lodging house, there was only one pool where people took a

bath. So the owner told the nuns to take their bath first, then it would be

his turn. But at that time they were busy praying to God, and didn't hear

anything the owner said.

An hour later, ...

What do Margaret Thatcher & Prince Andrew have in common?

...They both shafted miners!

I bought a bunch of antique spears online. But when I received them, they were all missing their spear heads.

I got shafted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is getting married, and wants to impress his bride to be.

So he gets her name, Wendy, tattooed down the side of his shaft. He keeps it a surprise for the honeymoon as it heals and is quite impressed with the work. Although when he's flaccid all you can see is Wy, when he's hard there it is, in all its glory, in a beautiful font. The big day comes, and they...

Two Montana rednecks are out hunting and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground...

They approached it and are amazed by the depth of it. The first Hunter says, "Wow,that's some whole.I can't even see the bottom.Must be an old mine shaft. I wonder how deep it is."


The second Hunter says,"Well,let's grab that old transmission over there and throw it down in the hole and w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

What’s the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?

The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.

My Jobs—

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it. I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket—I was too high strung. I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way. I got a job at a pool company, but the work was too draining. I was a historian, but I could...

In honor of the Notre Dame fire, here is the only Notre Dame joke I know...

Notre Dame is looking for a new bell ringer, so they put out a help wanted ad in the local paper.

After a few days a man with no arms shows up and inquires about the job.

At first the priest tries to let him down politely when the man insists that they bring him up to the tower s...

Life is like an elevator...

It has its ups and downs, but most of the time you just get the shaft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Silently I slipped the condom over my erect

dick and unrolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide eyed, jaw dropping disbelief ...

Then breaking the silence I spoke ...

"Yes, that seems to fit alright, I'll take the whole packet please .....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor vs. Bee - (NSFW)

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im a homophobe, and my best friend came out to me this week...

And I'm afraid I'll be giving him the shaft no matter how I choose to handle it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes across 10 naked black men

They are all completely black from head to toes except for one of them who has a pink penis.

“Why are you black gentlemen completely naked?” he asks.

“We’re not black, we are mine workers. We are covered with soot. We are naked because it’s very hot down the shaft so it’s easier to wor...

The Proctologist

So a man walks into his proctologists office because he felt that something was wrong.
The doctor walks in, explains the test, and gloves up. After a couple seconds of pressure, the man asks if there's anything wrong. The doctor replies,"Well, the good news is that it's only the head. The bad new...

Three workers show up for their first day in a mine

The foreman eyes them up to determine their respective roles. There’s a Polish man, Irish man, and a Chinese man.

“Kowalski, you’re a big guy. You’ll swing the pick and chip away at the coal” says the foreman.

“OKeefe, you’re strong too. Shovel the coal in this cart and wheel it up to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker was missing his girlfriend

A trucker had been on the road for a couple of weeks and was looking forward to seeing his girlfriend back home and having sex with her. He was nervous about busting a nut too early and remembered reading that masturbating before having sex would help prolong the act. The only problem was that he di...

A Well-Argued Court Case

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Who Loves His Wife... [NSFW]

A man who loves his wife decides one day to get a tattoo to commemorate their love.

He decided to get a tattoo on his penis of his wife's name, Wendy. So he goes down to the tattoo parlor and gets a big WENDY in all capitol letters down the length of his shaft. He goes home, and his wife love...

I Have Dated Several Miners In My Time... [NSFW]

They sure know their way around my shaft

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official Rules for Indoor Golf

(an oldie, but a goodie)

1. Each player will furnish his own equipment for play; normally, one club and two balls.

2. Course to be played must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

De parrot, he is dead

At dawn the telephone rings,

"Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one t...

How Do Miners Make Money?

By stripping or working the shaft.

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing together...

when they play a water hazard Moses says "that's too wide to walk around" and starts chanting and waving his arms. Suddenly there is thunder and lightening and the waters part, and Moses walks across. When he gets to the other side he says "God is all powerful!".

When it's Jesus' turn He loo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cheating wife

Guys,

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The British, the French, and the Irish

The British wanted to find out why the head of a mans penis was larger then the shaft. So, they spent about $150 million and a month to conduct their tests. They concluded that it was to give the male more pleasure during sex. The French where not satisfied with their findings, so they spent about $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physical Science Test

We had a substitute that day and she was walking around making sure that we weren't on our phones or anything. As I worked my way through the test, I came to the free response questions. The first question was something about projectile motion involving an object fired from a cannon. It said to solv...

Three devotees decide to prove the power of their faith...

...they all decide to jump off a cliff one by one, all the while invoking the name of their chosen deity.

The first devotee, a Buddhist, proceeds to stand at the edge of the cliff and begins reciting the mora sutta. At the end of the chant he jumps and calls on Buddha three times: ***"Buddha ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to think porn stars got paid alot

it turns out they've been getting shafted

Living well

Once upon a time there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying, and asked “What’s wrong?”

She stopped her sobbing and asked the well “You can talk?”

“Yes,” said the well. “Long ago,...

Hans Grapje was raised

in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.


 
Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A White Man Stands Next to a Black Man at a Urinal...

the white man glances over and looks at the black man's penis, and notices the letters "WY" tattoo'd on the shaft. He realizes that he has the same tattoo on his shlong and begins to speak to the black man. "Hey, I noticed you have the same tattoo as me on your penis! Mine stands for my wife's name ...

10 Things In Golf That Sound Naughty

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three scientific studies about the penis

There were three scientific studies conducted to determine why the head of the penis has a greater circumference than the shaft.

The first study spent $10 thousand and determined that it was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

The second study spent $100 thousand and dete...

Atheist in the Amazon

An atheist is walking through the Amazon when he finds himself surrounded by a group of bloodthirsty natives.

"Oh God, I'm screwed," the atheist says to himself.

Suddenly the skies open up, a shaft of light shines down on the atheist, and a voice booms from above, "No, you're not. Pick...

How are Chile mining companies and catholic priests different?

Chile mining companies get their minors stuck in shafts while catholic priests get their shafts stuck in minors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First "Contact"

In the years that followed first contact between humanity and an alien race, individuals from both species took steps to integrate their two cultures. At one of several social conventions held to further this goal, a human couple and an alien couple meet and discuss their common traits. They eventua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor to inquire about male enhancement.

"Doc," said he, "I'm tiny. I can't satisfy my wife, and I'm ridiculed in changing rooms. I've tried every drug and herbal supplement, to no avail. I want to look into surgery."

"Well," said the doctor, peering at the man's twig-like member through a magnifying glass, "You're in luck. there's ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.