UPJOKE
explorerindividualpersonmountaineernavigatorriskdaredevilmortalrosssomebodysoulsomeoneskydivingmercenarycousteau

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A young adventurer guy is trekking through the deepest, darkest amazon jungle

When out of nowhere, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by 30 of the most fierce-looking tribesmen, all with long spears, bows and arrows, as what looks like the chief walks right up to him.

The guy looks at his situation...and he cries out, "Oh god I'm so fucked!"


Just then, the...

My daughter is now dating a bipolar adventurer

He really did visit both the North and the South poles, quite the guy!

An adventurer finds a huge tower

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, "Take me here or climb to success." His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, "Take...

I used to be an adventurer until I went to Antarctica

Thats when things went south

A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Ork King.

Before heading out to fight the Ork King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 1000 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 2000 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experienc...

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A party of adventurers walks into an inn.

They start ordering rounds of ales one after another, and quickly end up very drunk.

Soon the fighter gets a bit rowdy, spills a guy's drink, and the two get into a drunken brawl. The landlord comes over and separates them, then throws the fighter out of the inn.

Not long after that, t...

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A young man is listening to a 90 year old, who was once a great adventurer..

The old man:

"Then there was the time we were on safari, and from some bushes, not 10 feet away, a huge Lion attacked going ROAR!!!"

"I tell you son, I just shit myself!"

The young man: I don't blame you! If I had a Lion that close, I'd shit myself too!"

The old man: No, ...

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Once an adventurer came across a tribe of men

They welcomed him, fed him and invited him to stay for the night.

Being inquisitive he wondered how the men got along without women. *"Pardon my frankness"* he said, *"how can you live with out women? I imagine it's frustrating to not get any relief"*

They told him they'll show him in ...

I used to be an adventurer like you

But then I took crippling adult responsibilities.

A party of adventurers walk into a tavern

fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"

The party leader replies, "Mimics."

The bartender laughs.

The party laughs.

The table laughs.

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So this Elf, Dwarf and a Thief go out on an adventure

So this Dwarf, Elf and Thief go out on adventure - the Elf armed with a great bow, the Dwarf with a warhammer and the thief with an empty sack "for all the gold we'll find!" They travel for days and days until they approach the entrance to a dangerous and dark dungeon. Bu they see that another par...

The death of an adventurers brother..

An adventuring party hears of the murder of the fighter's brother.

\>Bard: I swear I will have revenge for my brother!

\>Warrior: You have my sword!

\>Ranger: You have my bow!

\> Necromancer: And your brother! \*whacks corpse on the table\*

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

Hundreds of years ago, there was a brave ranger who went on many adventures.

There was also an evil sorcerer named Danny who claimed he could enchant arrows to follow their targets. Mysteriously, anyone who made the journey to the sorcerer never came back. Of course, the ranger decided to make the journey, to figure out what was going on. He made sure to take an arrow as wel...

A band of adventurers walked into a bar....

and the bartender asked what were the big weapons for.

"Mimics," the cleric said.

The bartender laughed. The party laughed. The table laughed. They killed the table. It was fun times.

the wise masters wisdom

As a young adventurer I visited the Himalayas and I heard of a long and beautiful hike at the end of which I could meet a wise master. The journey was as rewarding as it was a challenge, and at the end I found a little old man with a long beard and a handmade cane in a cave. I waved to him, and he b...

A quest

An adventurer did a quest for a farmer. When he returned, he saw the farmer had moved all his cows out onto a cliffside as far as they would go. The farmer waved him over and offered the adventurer a sword as a quest reward. The adventurer asked "Why on earth did you move all your cows out here just...

My go-to joke...

500 bricks on a plane and one falls out, how many are left ?

499.



How do you put an elephant in the fridge ?

Open the door, put in the elephant, clse the door.



How do you put a giraffe in the fridge ?

Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the...

A group of adventurers on Mount Everest have banded together to clean up the stuff left behind by past expeditions. It will likely take them at least 3 years.

More if there are any vegetarians. Less if they develop a taste for freezer burned meat.

300 Bricks on a plane

There are 300 bricks on a plane, 1 falls off. How many are left? Pretty simple, 299.


What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a fridge? Easy, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.


What are the 4 steps to put a Giraffe in the fridge? Easy, open the fr...

a man got caught by cannibals

An adventurer was exploring the wild nature when he stumbles upon a closed of ancient tribe.
They take the man prisoner and soon after they put him in to a large bucket. They fill it with water and then they light the fire beneath him.
Then the head of the tribe steps forward and starts to t...

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My girlfriend told me we were going to have sex like an rpg tonight...

She played the boss character, and I was the adventurer. Unfortunately though it appeared I was under level, so I ended up having to swap out with another member of my party.

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Dida

3 adventurers while on safari were caught by tribals. The chief came to the tent they were held in and gave them 2 options. Death or Dida.

The 1st adventurer choose Dida, as anything is better than Death. The tribals took him away. After 1 hour, they carried him out to nearest town. When he p...

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A girl named Yu was being held captive by a tribe of goblins...

The goblins were very particular about how they did things, as they enjoyed toying with their captives. They all had a bizarre sense of humor.

“Let me go!” shouted Yu, who was suspended twenty feet in the air by ropes and pulleys. The goblins just chuckled at the fact that they knew she could...

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...

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