Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

What happened to the guy who had a fetish for population statistics?

He finally came to his census.

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Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

I'm the worst student in my statistics class

I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

In my final semester of university, I had one final math class to pass: Probability and Statistics.

For those of you that don't know, and don't have to, I am envious.

In that class, we very often had to calculate the sums of many averages.

I just wanted to pass!

So to me, I summed it up as the means to an end.

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.



Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”



“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

Statistics...

97% of comedians have a percentage based joke about statistics

A statistics professor is at the airport...

A stats professor drives to the airport, to catch a flight to his next conference. As he is going through security, TSA discovers a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. He is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accompl...

Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

I was talking to some friends about my fetish for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...

But graphing is where I draw the line!

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Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics show that someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds in London

Poor bastard

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Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

I'm very good with statistics.

I would put myself somewhere near the top of the bell curve.

According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

I hate statistics jokes

They're all mean.

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Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

Why did Han Solo get an 'F' in Statistics class?

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs...

...aren't happy.

I looked up car crash statistics online

The results were very impacting

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

My statistics professor told me I was average...

... I told her "that's Mean".

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

A physicist, an engineer and a statistician are on a hunting trip...

... they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind....

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

Statistics say that 30% of women are on medication for some sort of mental issue...

That means there are 70% running around out there unmedicated...

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Almost 65% of statistics are made up.

The other half are lies.

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

What physical trait does a shapely woman who studies statistics have?

Belle curves.

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

Statistics are like Bikini Atoll

Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point.

Why are sea sponges good at statistics?

They understand coralations!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few statistics...

Studies show ¾ths of the general public prefer to be told statistics in percents as compared to fractions.

10/9 of them are unable to spot errors in said statistics.

63% of the population will believe a statistic if it has a famous name cited with it. - Julius Cesar, May 1973

Th...

11/10 people don't understand statistics

.

The thing about statistics

The thing about statistics is, if you gather enough, you'll find a coincidence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke a statistics prof once told me...

The average American has one testicle and one ovary.

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