69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

can somebody tell me how statistics are done

mathematician: by all means

I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

Statistics can be misleading.

For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

Statistics Show

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

No matter what statistics partisan hacks use to back up their lies today, just remember that mathematics....

...is the true source of division.

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.

What are the odds?

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

Statistics are like a mini-skirt

They promise a lot but show nothing

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts

They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

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Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

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I just overslept and missed my first statistics class.

What are the chances of that?

My Statistics teacher said I was just average.

I told him that’s mean...

My friend told me a statistic today, however I found it was false

Did you know 80% of statistics are false?

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...

But graphing is where I draw the line!

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Shocking statistics show that somebody in London gets stabbed every 72 seconds

Poor bastard

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Person 1 : I used to think correlation implied causation. Then i took a statistics class. Now I don't

Person 2 : I think the class helped

Person 1 : maybe

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

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Based on statistics

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

I was talking to some friends about my fetish for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

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Statistics show 55% of men in Oakland have had sex in the shower

\-The rest haven't been to prison yet

I'm the worst student in my statistics class

I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

Birthdays are good for you;

statistics have shown that people who have more of them live longer.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.



Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”



“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

A statistics professor is at the airport...

A stats professor drives to the airport, to catch a flight to his next conference. As he is going through security, TSA discovers a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. He is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accompl...

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Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Statistics...

97% of comedians have a percentage based joke about statistics

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

The Russian people were constantly hounding the government to tell them when they would finally reach true communism.

Because of this, the government got the leading scientists to input hundreds of statistics, such as ground fertility, rainfall, public relations, international relations and population into the best computer in Russia. They waited 4 nights for the answer: 23 kilometres. It puzzled the many politicia...

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Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

I'm very good with statistics.

I would put myself somewhere near the top of the bell curve.

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

From my Twitter feed today

I have a joke about a gym trainer, but I have to warm up before I tell it.

I have a joke about the IT department, but you have to put in a ticket before i can tell you.

I have a joke on aerospace engineering, but I don't think it will fly.

I have a joke on LinkedIn, but I'm not ...

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs...

...aren't happy.

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According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Statistics show that 85% of all Redditors reading this

Need to put their phone down and wipe.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Why did Han Solo get an 'F' in Statistics class?

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

I hate statistics jokes

They're all mean.

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

I looked up car crash statistics online

The results were very impacting

Did you know

12.5% of statistics are made up on the spot

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

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