I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median

Is that normal?

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trigonometry, I’ll even do statistics.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

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Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I’m about to have a wild couple of days.

I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

Statistics can be misleading.

For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

Statistics Show

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

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The professor of statistics and logistics.

So a friend told me this joke. It was created by Norm MacDonald. Hopefully I don't butcher it. Also, I'm on mobile, so I apologize if it's weirdly formatted.

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A new guy moves into a cul de sac. One of the neighbors comes up to him and starts small talk.

"So what...

can somebody tell me how statistics are done

mathematician: by all means

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.

What are the odds?

No matter what statistics partisan hacks use to back up their lies today, just remember that mathematics....

...is the true source of division.

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

Statistics are like a mini-skirt

They promise a lot but show nothing

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts

They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

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I just overslept and missed my first statistics class.

What are the chances of that?

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

The Police has revealed their statistics for the last 48 hours.

Theft: 0 cases

Killings: 0 cases

Prostitution: 0 cases

Family and roommate quarrels: 8720 cases

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

My Statistics teacher said I was just average.

I told him that’s mean...

My friend told me a statistic today, however I found it was false

Did you know 80% of statistics are false?

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Shocking statistics show that somebody in London gets stabbed every 72 seconds

Poor bastard

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

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Person 1 : I used to think correlation implied causation. Then i took a statistics class. Now I don't

Person 2 : I think the class helped

Person 1 : maybe

In my final semester of university, I had one final math class to pass: Probability and Statistics.

For those of you that don't know, and don't have to, I am envious.

In that class, we very often had to calculate the sums of many averages.

I just wanted to pass!

So to me, I summed it up as the means to an end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Based on statistics

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

I was talking to some friends about my fetish for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs...

...aren't happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics show 55% of men in Oakland have had sex in the shower

\-The rest haven't been to prison yet

I'm the worst student in my statistics class

I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

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Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

Birthdays are good for you;

statistics have shown that people who have more of them live longer.

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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A toothpaste factory had a problem

Due to the way the production line was set up, sometimes empty boxes were shipped without the tube inside. People with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming off of it is perfect 100% ...

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

Statistics show that 85% of all Redditors reading this

Need to put their phone down and wipe.

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

What did Santa say to a Statistics class?

Null hypothesis Null hypothesis Null hypothesis

I hate statistics jokes

They're all mean.

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According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

Why did Han Solo get an 'F' in Statistics class?

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

The Russian people were constantly hounding the government to tell them when they would finally reach true communism.

Because of this, the government got the leading scientists to input hundreds of statistics, such as ground fertility, rainfall, public relations, international relations and population into the best computer in Russia. They waited 4 nights for the answer: 23 kilometres. It puzzled the many politicia...

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

I looked up car crash statistics online

The results were very impacting

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

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