Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

My Statistics teacher said I was just average.

I told him that’s mean...

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Person 1 : I used to think correlation implied causation. Then i took a statistics class. Now I don't

Person 2 : I think the class helped

Person 1 : maybe

Statistics show that every 8seconds a mobile is dropped in the toilet

Source:

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Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.



Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”



“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

What happened to the guy who had a fetish for population statistics?

He finally came to his census.

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...

But graphing is where I draw the line!

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

A statistics professor is at the airport...

A stats professor drives to the airport, to catch a flight to his next conference. As he is going through security, TSA discovers a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. He is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accompl...

Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

I was talking to some friends about my fetish for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

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Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

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Statistics show that someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds in London

Poor bastard

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Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

I'm very good with statistics.

I would put myself somewhere near the top of the bell curve.

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

Why did Han Solo get an 'F' in Statistics class?

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

I hate statistics jokes

They're all mean.

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

Statistics show that 85% of all Redditors reading this

Need to put their phone down and wipe.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs...

...aren't happy.

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

I looked up car crash statistics online

The results were very impacting

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

Statistics say that 30% of women are on medication for some sort of mental issue...

That means there are 70% running around out there unmedicated...

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

Lazy people

Statistics show that there are exactly 87345091

lazy people in the world who even didnt read the entire number.

Dont go back you're one of them now!

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

Almost 65% of statistics are made up.

The other half are lies.

Did you know...

90% of people of will lie about the statistics they tell you.

What physical trait does a shapely woman who studies statistics have?

Belle curves.

Statistics are like Bikini Atoll

Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point.

Why are sea sponges good at statistics?

They understand coralations!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few statistics...

Studies show ¾ths of the general public prefer to be told statistics in percents as compared to fractions.

10/9 of them are unable to spot errors in said statistics.

63% of the population will believe a statistic if it has a famous name cited with it. - Julius Cesar, May 1973

Th...

11/10 people don't understand statistics

.

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