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A Texan was driving through Oklahoma

A Texan was driving through Oklahoma, and driving over the speed limit on the highway. A highway patrol officer pulled him over.

The officer requested his drivers license and registration.

As the officer was filling out the citation, there were many flies dancing around the officer’s ...

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along.

As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for."

I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believ...

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."


Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
...

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly told him of his violation.
The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.
The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finis...

Founder of Wikipedia walks into a bar.

[citation needed]

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting

He didn’t like id., et al.

A historian, a journalist, and a political scientist walk into a bar on January 23, 1993...

[Citation Needed]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 boys named Poop, Trouble, and Shutup were riding their bikes down the street...

Poop fell off so Trouble stopped to make sure he was okay. Shutup rode ahead but was stopped by a policeman who noticed he wasn't wearing a helmet. The policeman said, "I'm going to have to write you a citation. What's your name, son?"

"Shutup, officer."

"Excuse me?!" The policeman sai...

Try this at the bars, guaranteed 18% success rate:

You: Do you have a permit to carry that?

Her: Carry what?

You: DAT ASS! Then issue a citation with your phone # on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elderly couple is driving down the road and get pulled over.

The officer says "sir. You were doing 65 in a 45".
Old lady in the passenger seat says "What did he say?"
Man says "he said I was speeding"
Officer says "I'm gonna have to issue you a citation."
Old lady, "what did he say?"
Man "he's giving me a ticket"
As the officer is filling ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish Tale

An Amish woman is trotting along in her horse and buggy when a police officer pulls her over.
He says, "Ma'am, I'm not going to order you a citation but I am going to issue you a warning. Your reflector in the back is just about to fall off and it needs to be replaced."

The woman says, "I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old men die and go to heaven...

...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity.

He looks to the first man and says "You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johny and the Cop (OR: 'Tis the Season)

It's Christmas morning and Little Johny got the brand new, 10 speed bike that he's wanted for months. After the usual present unwrapping merriment, Little Johny runs outside with his bike and starts riding it around. As he rides, Little Johny passes a cop on horseback. The cop follows Little John...

Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read?

Because it's re-fined!

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