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Recited Jokes

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you moslem?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you too...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.

Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?“ To which the nun replies “hell no“ and proceeded to get off the bus. Distraught, the man ask the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, So if you go dressed as God and tell he...

A spiritual Leader lay quietly. He was dying.

The disciples had gathered around his bed and recited some holy verses trying to make his last journey divine and pleasant.

They wanted to give him warm milk to drink but he declined.

One of the disciples took the glass back to the kitchen and decided to add some brandy con...

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The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class...

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days lat...

A lady and her foul mouthed bird

So a lady just recently lost her husband and is feeling lonely, so she decided to get a pet, she goes to the pet store and gets a parrot, she bring a it home and it keeps saying the most awful rude and hateful things, she goes back to the pet store and tells the manager, “Hey, my bird is saying such...

The Teacher instructed her class to create a sentence with the words; defense, defeat and detail.

Little Lisa, who was normally a very quiet and reclusive child immediately jumped and waved her hand excitedly. Thinking a breakthrough was imminent, she picked Lisa first. Lisa recited; The cat jumped over defense. Defeat went first, detail went last.

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The Parrot at Church

There is a small church in a small community here in my hometown. It is full of all sorts of people. This one lady brought a parrot to church. This was not an ordinary parrot. The parrot was foul mouthed and swore a lot. One day, the preacher told the lady, “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to s...

My daughter was playing hopscotch by herself...

So my daughter was playing hopscotch, and recited the words "*Step on a crack, and break your mother's back"

And then my wife's back bent over, I then shouted at her to stop playing, but she continued and then recited "*Step on a line and break your father's spine*"

And then the neighb...

My friend and I were talking yesterday and

## he asked me if I sometimes randomly recited the English vowels. I replied, "Sometimes, why?".

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day.

When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, "We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to ma...

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

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A guy was on vacation in Mexico and he went to see the bullfights.

When it was over he went to a nearby restaurant. The waiter recited the menu and then said, "Since today there was a bullfight, we also have fresh testicles on the menu if you'd like to try them."

The guy was always up for something new so he ordered them. They arrived and they were absolutel...

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut...

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Timbuktu

The teacher told the class to make up a poem about Timbuktu, to recite in front of the class.

The first child recited hers:

"When I was lying in my bed

I dreamt of a ship with funnels red

A beautiful ship, its hull was blue

I think it was going to Timbuktu."
...

Thanksgiving Dinner

A young couple and their 5 yr old son were sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner with all the Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, cousins and friends. The father asked who would like to say Grace. His young son spoke up, "I want say the prayer mommy says". His mother filled with pride, and told him to go ...

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A man was pulled over by a terrorist

The terrorist said " If you are not Islam, you will die"

The man raised his hands and said "I am a muslim"

The terrorist then shouted "Prove it, recite a verse from the Quran"

The man recited "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given t...

Smart parrot

A guy that is lacking some money, teaches his parrot how to recite a couple of famous poems.

Between his neighbours and friends he sells around 7 tickets to see the parrot in a live performance at the garden of his house.

– Thanks for comming in! We will now hear a poem by Edgar Allan ...

Is it because I'm black?

A black boy comes home from school. As he enters the house, he rushes up to his mom.

"Mommy, mommy" he says. "Today in English class the kids could recite the alphabet up to letter L, but I recited the whole alphabet up to Z. Is it because I'm black?"

"Why, yes honey" says his mom.
...

The Redneck Poet

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time. St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a magnificent, g...

It was closing time at the bar

It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l...

Two Brothers and a poetry contest

There were two brothers who were always very competitive. One day they were at a fair together. They approached a stage where they were holding a poetry contest. Poetry was neither of the brothers "thing" but when one brother told the other he could win the whole competition, the battle was on.
...

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