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Extremely Jokes

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

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A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks “Do you sell condoms for extremely large penises?”

“Yes we do,” said the pharmacist. “Do you need to buy some?”

“No,” she replied, “but if you don’t mind I’m just going to wait here.”

Netflix is soon releasing an extremely realistic documentary series about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale is shot before a live audience.

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

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At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience.

The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"

"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she ...

A young, extremely perky woman gets into an elevator with an older man...

The woman smiles broadly and says, "TGIF"!

The man slowly turns to her and deadpans, "S.h.i.t."

The woman, thinking that he didn't hear her, slowly repeats "T.G.I.F."

He simply responds, "S.h.i.t.", just as slowly.

Exasperated, she laughs and says, "TGIF stands for Thank ...

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A man sees an extremely busty woman walking by...

He says, "Hey, will you let me bite those big ol boobies of yours for $1,000?"
Christmas was coming and decided she could use the extra cash, so she agrees.

The two walk around the corner and the woman strips off her shirt and bra, exposing two of the best boobies the guy had ever seen....

I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals.

Well, that balloon has burst.

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There once was a man with an extremely high-pitched voice

(For retelling, ^(superscript) is high-pitched/falsetto voice)

He had since long passed puberty, but while his friends got deep, manly voices, his remained so high that he ^(spoke like this). Ever since then, it had been a tremendous source of insecurity. Now, he was in his thirties, and he r...

A man notices a woman sitting at the bar in extremely tight pants.

He sits down next to her, while obviously looking at the pants and says, "how do you get into those?"
She smiles and says, "just pay me $50."

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

Did you hear the one about the extremely adaptable chiropractor to insects?

They were great at making adjustments on the fly.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.” Confused and extremely worried, I slowly opened the fridge door. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell did she mean?

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately...

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There was a man Who was extremely unlucky

There was a man, He waz so unlucky. In fact, he was so unlucky that the man was born with a single ball. One day this man got on the plane. After the plane went too high, the systems suddenly failed and the plane went into decline. But the aircraft crew said: If someone jumps off the plane, the p...

There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life.

1. Not revealing everything you know.

An extremely close landing on an extremely short runway..

A plane is nearing its destination. The pilot turns to his co-pilot and remarks: "That looks like a really short runway." The co-pilot looks at it and says: "Yes, captain, its really short." 100 meters from the runway, the pilot communicates to the passengers and crew: "Fasten your seatbelts, this i...

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Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan.

Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.

The All Lives Matter crowd is extremely upset.

To learn that All Votes Matter.

What do you call an extremely clingy alien?

A personal space invader.

Putin is reportedly extremely angry about his bridge getting blown up

He needs to get over it

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

Knives are extremely advanced

They are all cutting edge technology

I don’t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed

That’s when he’s most likely to elf harm.

Books about earthquakes are extremely popular.

They're literally flying off the shelves.

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A man died because of his extremely large penis.

He was hung to death

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I like my steak like sex

Extremely rare

Man in Restaurant Sees Extremely Attractive Woman Sitting Alone...

so he decides to send her a nice bottle of wine. The waiter brings it and the lady looks at the bottle for a moment and sends a message back to the man.

It reads: 'For me to accept this bottle of wine you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a few million dollars in your bank, and seven inch...

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

What does a beatboxer do when he's extremely angry at some boxes?

He realizes he has anger issues.

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I was on pedestrian crossing walking behind an extremely obese man.

when suddenly his phone began to be bleep. A voice next to me said “fuck me he’s gonna reverse “

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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests...

The last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.

Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rationa...

What does an extremely small duck say?

Quark!

This sub is extremely environmentally friendly

It only uses recycled jokes

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Masturbating is extremely selfish.

Fuck me. Right?

A man and a Dog, and the extremely unusual funeral...

A man and his wife are walking down the town main street. They are arguing, as they always do, about the efficiency of wearing masks during the pandemic.

However, they have to stop because of a funeral procession that is actively going on. The procession was extremely unusual... Everyone is w...

An extremely devout man prays to win the lottery

Every morning, meal, and night a devout man prays to win the lottery in order to spread the blessing to the people he knows are in desperate need of help. After years of repeating his prayer he finally passes and is allowed to ask God 1 question.

He faces god and says lord I've lived my life ...

My grandmother was extremely anti-Union.

She always used to tell me that things “won’t get better if I picket”

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"Mickey mouse it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was.........extremely silly?"

"No, I said she's fucking goofy"

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.

I got top Marx.

Machetes are extremely tech savvy

They can hack anything.

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A guy was extremely unfortunate

He was so unfortunate that he even have only one ball.

One day he gets on a plane. 15 min into the flight the plane starts quaking. The crew says "Unfortunately we are too crowded for this plane, someone needs to jump out for the greater good."

So they decides to draw lots. As he e...

"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"

the doctor told his patient.

"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."

"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.

"No," replied the doctor.

"They're the only things we can slip under th...

Everyone knows I am extremely smart

After all I have a theoretical degree in physics

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A guy with an extremely long dick went his doctor for a medical.

The doctor said, "That's possible the longest dick I've ever seen!"
The guy said, "My brother's is the same length."
The doctor asked, "is it genetics?"
And the guy say, "Not really, our mother only had one arm and had to get all us kids out of the bath the best way she could."

Your chances of meeting a unicorn are extremely low.

But they are still higher than the chance of you getting a girlfriend/boyfriend

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Interviewer: Your resume says that you are extremely literal.

Me: Holy shit. My resume is talking now?

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The FBI have a job opening for an extremely undercover position

Over 50000 people apply, and they manage to rattle it down to a final 3. They are then given their final task, they will be put in a room with their wife, and they must kill them, and they give each of them a gun which they tell them to use.

The first man goes in, and they here sobbing, after...

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An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

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Told my doctor that I was extremely constipated

He told me that I was full of shit

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Drunk driving is extremely gay.

You just can't think straight.

A woman accidentally crashed her car into a van because she was using a vibrator while driving. The hospital said she is in “stable and extremely relaxed” condition.

The driver of the van said he never saw her coming.

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

Working at the unemployment office is extremely stressful

Even when you get fired you still have to come into work the next day.

Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional

Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.

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My doctor put me on an extremely strict diet of fruit, vegetables, and protein.

My wife’s totally behind it, but I’m allowed one cheat-day so on Mondays when we go to her family’s I nip out into the orchard and fuck her sister.

A woman with extremely hairy armpits decides to wear a sleeveless dress.

She enters a bus and, finding no seats, is forced to hold the railing on top with the other standing passengers.

A drunk man was standing next to her. "I really admire you ballerinas, you know.“

Confused, she responds," Why would you think I'm a ballerina?“

“It's obvious, " says...

An extremely bright star walks into a bar.

He shines so bright he nearly blinds everyone inside.

"Are you kidding?" The bartender asks in annoyance.

"No," The star replies. "I'm Sirius."

I'm digging this extremely irresistible woman

They really do bury them six feet underground.

When I stayed over at my girlfriend's house, her extremely conservative father wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which was a shame, because he is very attractive.

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A couple was driving through Arizona, it was extremely hot so they both got naked....

their car broke down and the husband put his clothes on to go find help, a cop pulls up behind the car and approaches the wife who uses her husbands shoe to cover her vagina. She tells the cop "Help were stuck!!" and the cop replies, "Ma'am if he's in that far I cant help you".

I am extremely picky about what I eat.

Everything I eat must absolutely be describable with a word that begins with "F". It must also must also end with "D". And finally, it should have two "O"'s in it. I simply will not eat anything that does not meet my minimum criteria.

I recently made an impossible escape room and I’m extremely proud!

It’s called Student Loans.

If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.

Truly ahead of its time.

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What do you call a partner that's always there for you when you're down, but also extremely horny?

A cum-forter

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

My friends all say I'm extremely condescending...

...that means I talk down to people.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I am extremely handsome and too many girls want me

She said something else about my chronic lying disorder but I wasn't really listening

List of Extremely Stupidly Funny Jokes

Comment the stupidest, funniest joke you know!

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.

My physicist girlfriend says I'm extremely attractive!

In the 'having enough mass to produce a strong field of gravity' kind of way.

I like my men how I like my coffee...

Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my throat

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You have to be extremely careful around everyone nowadays

I was walking down the street yesterday and a guy walked towards me and pulled out scissors. I'm so very happy I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock. If I had pulled out paper, I would have lost!

Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.

Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, pl...

I was extremely tired and walked into a police officer the other day.

Ended up being guilty of resisting a rest.

What's yellow inside, black outside, silent, and extremely lethal?

A little ninja chicken.

What do you call an extremely overweight Corgi?

Low fat.

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar...

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.

"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."

"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"

"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age....

Despite the cost of living it’s extremely popular

Over 7 billion people are doing it

Tardiness makes me extremely angry.

As my late wife found out.

This Unicode technical specification is extremely dull reading

But it does have many interesting characters.

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Women living in the Serengeti are known for their extremely large breasts.

The plains are full of Z-bras.

When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because

that's how large object gravitational fields work.

I hear medical care in North Korea is extremely cheap.

$5 for a bullet isn't that expensive.

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My wife is extremely pissed off

At least my girlfriend understands

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An extremely handsome man was into a bar

An extremely handsome man was into a bar, wearing a 10000 dollar suit, and women clinging to each arm. Everyone turned heads as he approached the bartender. He takes a fat wad of cash from his pocket and throws it on the table. "Drinks on me!". He exclaimed and everyone cheered. Everyone flocked ...

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