UPJOKE
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Cpu Jokes

my brain is like an overclocked cpu

it runs 2000 fps for a couple seconds then melts

What does a CPU feel when it's overclocked?

It hertz.

What did the data say to the CPU?

Cache me outside

What did the heatsink say to the CPU?

"I'm a huge fan!"

I was upset when my AMD CPU died but...

Everything happens for a Ryzen.

What do you call a dolphin with a slow CPU?

A bottleneck dolphin

Why did the CPU kill the operating system?

It was executing instructions.

A CPU predicts you will walk into a bar

You do not.
Your wallet has been stolen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when you hear a really funny joke about trimming down a CPU?

You “die lapping”...

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

A smoking room in a big tech corporation

A smoking room in a big tech corporation (because the equipment is so fragile and sensitive that smoking is not allowed nearby). A lot of smoke and talk - circuits, chips, boards, punch cards and so on.

Then a young technician suddenly says, "Why we're always talking about tech things only? W...

Why does the CPU never get any work done?

Because it gets interrupted constantly.

My daughters have decided to open a computer repair service together!

They’re going to call it “2 Girls 1 CPU”

666 is the Number of the Beast

This from Todd Lewis, who has a great sense of humor.

We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

* $666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
* $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
* $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all...

One thing changed when I switched from teaching math to teaching computer classes.

When students left at the end of class, I used to say, "Calcu-later!" Now I say "CPU later!"

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