UPJOKE
astrologyzodiacconstellationsignstar signscorpiocorvusveladenebpiscesaries the ramdracoorionlibraram

Twelve signs that you're an idiot:

1. Aries,
2. Taurus,
3. Gemini,
4. Cancer,
5. Leo,
6. Virgo,
7. Libra,
8. Scorpio,
9. Sagittarius,
10. Capricorn,
11. Aquarius, and
12. Pisces

Hey girl, I'm an Aries...

Wanna get rammed?

Like most people born under the sign of Aries...

.. I don't believe in astrology.

A blonde walks out of the hospital

She suddenly stops in her tracks, and tries to remember what the doctor said. She then goes back inside to see her doctor again.

\- Doctor, I don't remember what you said I had. Is it Aries or Sagittarius?

The doctor sighs and says:

\- Cancer, miss. Cancer...

Doctor Joke Number 1

Doctor what did you say i had? Aries or Pisces?

Cancer sir, you have Cancer.

Met a girl that's into horoscopes

Her : I'm a Sagittarius, bet that already tells you a lot about me.

Me : So according to this website, would you say you're a curious, energetic person that wants to be a part of things rather than be a spectator?

Her : Mmmhm that's me to a T

Me : Congratulations you're an Arie...

I beat Cancer today!

It's okay though I told her I was an Aries.

A man walks into a pet shop ...

A man walks into a pet shop to buy a parrot.

He asks the owner: "How much is the green one here?"

The owner says: "$1.000."

Customer: "That's a lot, why so much?"

Shop owner: "He can sing two arias from Mozart operas."

Customer: "How much is the red one over there?...

I hate people who defend their laziness with their zodiac sign!

I mean, I invited my friend into an important friend reunion but she didnt go!

I asked her what was wrong she said' "Oh, I have cancer"

Yeah im an Aries! So what?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her

Her: what's my sign again?

Me: *struggling to remember* what's the part of newspapers where they talk about dead people?

Her: obituaries?

Me: OH BITCH U ARIES

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Application

Apparently this is an actual job application submitted by a 17 year old boy at a McDonald's establishment in Florida...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's avai...

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