Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Me: “Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”

Them: “Why?”

Me: “To hide in the strawberry patch”

Them: “……..”

Me: “have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?”

Them: “no?”

Me: “then I guess it works”

Cue applause.

What is an emery board used on your toenails called?

A pedifile.

At first I didn't really care for this toenail fungus...

...but it's really starting to grow on me!

They say if you paint an elephant’s toenails red, you won’t see it in a strawberry patch

You are probably thinking, “That’s impossible. Elephants are huge!”

But ask yourself: have I ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?

Then it obviously works!

**Courtesy of a little book I read as a child and think is cute

I found some old newspaper with clippings.

Toenails, I think.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife says she’s leaving cause of my disgusting habits

I almost choked on my fucking toenail!

What did the mathemetician do about his ingrown toenail infection?

sohcahtoa.

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

How does Neil deGrasse Tyson trim his toenails tomorrow?

Eclipse them!

What does a mother use to keep her childrens' toenails soft and smooth?

A pedi-file

My girlfriend LOVES my toenails..

I'm starting to think she's a nailphile.

When you’re a toe hammer...

Every problem is a toenail.

A man is walking down the street very hungry....

and he only has 2 dollars in his pocket. No matter where he looks, 2 dollars doesn't seem to buy him a meal. That is until he comes across a restaurant who specializes in chili, and they were having a special. One bowl of chili for 2 dollars! So the man walks into the restaurant and immediately sees...

My wife threatened to leave me

Because of my ‘filthy and disgusting habits’. I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 brothers are lost in the woods

Without a map or any food they wander the woods in hopes of finding something!
After a few hours they spot a small hut, with smoke coming from a chimney.
Ecstatic, they run right to the door and begin pounding.
An old overweight woman answers the door.
"My what striking young men you are...

Yo momma is so fat

Her toenails aren't painted, just redshifted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tarzan

How do Elephants hide in the Wild?
They Paint their balls Red and hide in an Apple Tree.

How do Elephants hid in the city?
They Paint their toenails different colors and hide in a bag of M'n'Ms.

How did Tarzan die?
By picking apples.

I hurt my foot a few days ago

Tripped over the stairs and partially separated my left big toenail. It's getting better, but it still hurts a fair bit.

Yesterday I was walking to class with a female friend of mine who's a cell biology major. I hadn't told her yet about what happened, so eventually she said "So why are you ...

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