At first I didn't really care for this toenail fungus...

...but it's really starting to grow on me!

What is an emery board used on your toenails called?

A pedifile.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

They say if you paint an elephant’s toenails red, you won’t see it in a strawberry patch

You are probably thinking, “That’s impossible. Elephants are huge!”

But ask yourself: have I ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?

Then it obviously works!

**Courtesy of a little book I read as a child and think is cute

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

A: To hide in the cherry trees!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?? Then I guess it works!

(As told by my mid-70s, overall wearin, Southern Comfort drinkin neighbor.)

When you’re a toe hammer...

Every problem is a toenail.

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

How does Neil deGrasse Tyson trim his toenails tomorrow?

Eclipse them!

My girlfriend LOVES my toenails..

I'm starting to think she's a nailphile.

After a skiing accident, this guy goes to the doctor to get treated.

He walks up to the doctor and stays: « doctor, I need your help. Whenever I touch my leg it hurts. When I touch my upper arm, it also hurts a lot. And lastly when I touch my right toenail, I get a burning sensation. What do you think ? »

After much thought and examining, the doctor turns arou...

Wife threatened to leave me

My wife threatened to leave me because of my “filthy and disgusting habits.”

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

What does a mother use to keep her childrens' toenails soft and smooth?

A pedi-file

A man is walking down the street very hungry....

and he only has 2 dollars in his pocket. No matter where he looks, 2 dollars doesn't seem to buy him a meal. That is until he comes across a restaurant who specializes in chili, and they were having a special. One bowl of chili for 2 dollars! So the man walks into the restaurant and immediately sees...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 brothers are lost in the woods

Without a map or any food they wander the woods in hopes of finding something!
After a few hours they spot a small hut, with smoke coming from a chimney.
Ecstatic, they run right to the door and begin pounding.
An old overweight woman answers the door.
"My what striking young men you are...

Yo momma is so fat

Her toenails aren't painted, just redshifted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tarzan

How do Elephants hide in the Wild?
They Paint their balls Red and hide in an Apple Tree.

How do Elephants hid in the city?
They Paint their toenails different colors and hide in a bag of M'n'Ms.

How did Tarzan die?
By picking apples.

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