Exorcist Jokes

This time it’s the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.

So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.

A family is looking to buy a house and as they are looking around they see a big stain on the ceiling and ask the real estate agent about it.

"See, a few months ago there was a family living here and this room belonged to a little girl who was possessed and a priest performed an exorcism in h... read more

A while back I did some exorcist work with the Church and became pretty renowned for my efforts. I am known by all priest and demonkind. Only a few months into my early retirement, I got a rather strange phone call of someone asking for my assistance. His voice was deep and frantic.

Exorcist... read more

Because they can’t handle their spirits.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

You get repossessed.

He gets the ghosts to repossess the house.

Because after I leave there are no spirits left in the house

Apparently the pizza dough had the Mark of The Yeast.

so you don't get re-possessed.

His house got re-possessed

She is still turning heads.

(Heard this one on the radio this morning.)

However he couldn’t make the repayments so the house was repossessed.

"When he shows up, all the spirits disappear."

Since his last visit, there are no more spirits in the liquor store.

He’s called it Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Birds.

For possession.


Happy Halloween.

To get the hell outta here.

Their house was repossessed.

They're both used to remove unwanted spirits from a body.

What do you do when your demon gets fat?

You exorcise him.



What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

Because of that my house was repossessed

It made my head spin.

so he repossessed my house.

You get repossessed.

Nope not mine. May be a repost. If so upvotes to that person.

I found a really good one, but when we met with him, he seemed depressed. My wife found one that seemed much more upbeat. We discussed our options and decided to go with the happy medium.

I bought a book entitled "an exorcist explains the demonic".

I don't know what possessed me !

Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.

I asked her what it was and she said "It's *The Exorcist*. It's the most evil book I've ever read, it's really getting to me."

At the start of her lunch break she said "Right, I'm getting rid of this horrible thing!". I watched out of the window as she walked by the river and threw the book i... read more

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that ... read more

Mario holds up a movie.

“Is-a that the exorcist?” Luigi asked.

“This is It, Luigi.” Mario replied.

I called in the local exorcist. When he entered my bedroom, I told him

"Get the hell out of here"

An exorcist.