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Progressed Jokes

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oh, how nice (A joke from my 96 year old great-grandmother-in-law)

Two women are in the hospital. Their labor has started, but not progressed enough for delivery, so they are in a room waiting together.

"Is this your first child?" says the older woman.

"No," says the younger woman. "I have another."

"I have three." Continues the older woman. "A...

Good news bad news

Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news, what would you like first?

Patient: Uuummm I’ll take the bad news first, just to get it out of the way.

Doctor: you have Dimentia, and it seems to have progressed pretty quickly.

Patient: Okay now give me the bad news, just to get it out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

...

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to burst into tears as his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer recognize him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italians do it better

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he...

Me and a friend were in a bar...

As the night progressed, tensions were flared between us and another group of rather large gentlemen.

It got a bit heated and they eventually starting sizing us up and squaring up to us. They became extremely aggressive and wanted to fight.

My friend looked at me and said “pretend we...

A few centimeters...

3 Kings were having a feast a long time ago. After the feast, they sat down to boast about their kingdoms.

The first one said, "In my kingdom, we've progressed so far that we have touched the top of the sky."

"The very top?!" asked the other two, astonished. "Not exactly the top, we m...

Priorities

A guy starts his new job and makes it a habit to get coffee from the nearby cafe and give some of the change to the same homeless guy. As the time progressed the homeless guy notices that over the years the amount he received was going down. He stops the guy one day and asks if everything is going ...

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