Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

Counterstrike is actually the most progressive game

Because the terrorists get equal access to weapons and stand a chance of winning

Progressive rock bands probably hate today.

Because it's 4/4.

If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.

Truly ahead of its time.

What do you call a progressive coffee shop?

Stay Woke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician orders a beer.


The second orders half a beer.


"I don't serve half-beers," the bartender replies.


"Excuse me?" asks mathematician #2.


The bartender remarks, "What kind of bar serves half-beers? That's ridiculous."


"Oh c'mo...

We live in a progressive society.

Everyone is getting progressively stupider.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".

They don't care who pees in what bottle.

As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses...

Now she can't see race.

What's the opposite of a progressive?

A French tank.

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey

Hobo Ken.

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A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane assylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods.

A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane assylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients. The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks "What are you doing?" She replies "...

Why don't progressives go to the dentist?

Because dentists like everything straight and white.

Progressive and allstate used to be one insurance company..

.. but nobody wanted prostate insurance.

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You can't say America isn't inclusive and progressive

The Current president is a black man and latest election was between a female and a mentally handicapped person.

What kind of tea is hard for democrats and progressives to swallow today?

Reality.

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

You know homeless people are the real progressives of this country.

Always asking for change.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a basement full of progressives?

A whine cellar.

I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.

In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."

He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.

Texas Sheriffs Deputy Exam

A man in Texas looking to join the Frio County Sheriffs Dept. was being interviewed. The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications look good, but there's an attitude suitability test you must pass before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a Smith and Wesson 45 pistol across the...

What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company?

Progressive

*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit)

Some bullet points about my Dad:

* Has a BMW trophy car
* Loves golf
* Loves Steak
* Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal)
* Balding (but so am I...)
* His shoulder and knee have needed surgery
* Worked everyday of his life since he was 15
* Raised 3 kids
*...

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