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On Ash Wednesday I will be giving up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights.

It's going to be completely Excel Lent.

Which is the deadliest cell on a spreadsheet?

AK47

The New Secretary

The CEO of a large company was in need of a secretary. He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he though...

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

Was going to go to Norway on holiday this year. Ran the numbers through my budgeting spreadsheet and . . .

. . . couldn’t a-fjord it.

I make the best spreadsheets.

I Excel at it.

A lonely, angry young man started to keep a spreadsheet of all the women who he thought had wronged him.

It was the incel's Excel.

You need to learn spreadsheets...

if you want to Excel in life.

I keep a spreadsheet of every time Abraham Lincoln is mentioned on Reddit.

I call it my Lincoln Logs

Jesus and Satan on computer

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours,...

Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart?

Because it has multiple axes.

My boss asked me how good I was at making spreadsheets.

I told him I Excel at it.

What do you guys think of my idea to abstain from working with spreadsheets for 40 days before Easter?

Because personally, I think it's Excel Lent.

My friends asked me where they could get a decent coffee table and I said I could make one for them for $500. They were delighted and agreed to it. But when I eventually got it to them, they seemed really ungrateful.

I have no idea why, it was fantastic. It rated 100 different types of coffee from 1 -10 and was one of the best spreadsheets I’ve ever made.

My family all makes fun of me for having a low-paying job filling in spreadsheets

But I like having a job where I can Excel.

Boss: How good are you with spreadsheets?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word

An accountant opens up their spreadsheet, only to find all the numbers missing. Their cat is sitting by the desk, looking smug.

I dont know why they're so suprised, cats are good at knocking things off tables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been making extra money on the side by creating erotic spreadsheets...

I don't feel great about it, but what can I say?

sExcels

I have a spreadsheet wherein I track all the chocolate toffee bars I've eaten.

It's my Heath ledger.

Why did the spreadsheets get divorced?

They just couldn't sort things out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do 40 year old virgins type their spreadsheets?

Incels.

Over the last few weeks i've been collecting details about my life and adding them to spreadsheet on my computer.

I've really exelled myself.

When you keep a database about your exes,

if you make a new cell in a spreadsheet containing information about a previous SO who has gone to jail and is celibate against their will, it is an incel-in-cell ex-Excel cell

When you start to excel

People start to spreadsheet

A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window

The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"

One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.

Figuring out what the dog ca...

The Canine Applicant

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:

HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Workers and Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth man was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took o...

Microsoft has developed a special version of the Halo 3 rendering engine which can run within LibreOffice Calc spreadsheets...

It's called Halo3.**ods**t

To determine once and for all whose superior, God sets Satan and Jesus up with a little contest.

“You will have 12 hours to do the most mundane human task ever,” God starts, “work on a computer! You will create spreadsheets and documents and the like. I will crown the winner!”

With that, Jesus and Satan furiously begin typing away. God keeps their coffee full and rubs their shoulders to ...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers, when they decided to see for sure by having a contest. Whoever could demonstrate greater skill, as judged by God, would be deemed the winner. So the two sat down at their computers and began typing, furiously creating spreadsheets, da...

Jesus and Satan's tech battle

One day, both Jesus and Satan got into an argument over who was better at computers. This debate lasted for so long that God decided to step in and declare a contest - each would compete against the other in a series of computer-related tasks to determine computer superiority once and for all. God w...

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