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Agenda Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.





Edit: Wow! Thank you for all of the awards, I didn't anticipate that. Some people need to relax though. This is just a freakin' joke, not the agenda of a movement.

Also,...

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

Why does the conservative agenda seem to be fill-in-the-blank these days?

Because they only care about Mad Libs!

Hey girl, are you the Bible?

'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can’t even say Black Paint!

You have to say, “ Leroy, please paint my fence!”

-Trump's top agenda for his first 100 days in office :

make everyone use "bigly" in conversations so he doesn't look like a fool for being the only one who uses this word .

My phone charger has been exposing its inner wires to promote its agenda.

It's a shameless plug.

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?

Alternative fax.

At this mornings press conference, Ron Desantis announced that the state of Florida will be outlawing the consumption and distribution of coffee.

He went on to condemn the beverage as a tool of the WOKE agenda.

So an LGBTQ group plan a meeting one day.

And the leader of the group asks: “What’s on the agenda?”

One of the group members stand up and say: “A top hat. Thanks for noticing!”

I'm making a plan to write all of my friends' names in alphabetical order...

I have a social list agenda.

Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college?

They'll always argue over the male agenda.

After winning the election, Donald Trump has already started with his racist agenda...

He's already kicking a black family out of their own home.

Life hacks from Secretary Stalin, don’t dress for the job you want. Use the job you have to create a totalitarian dictatorship to crush your enemies.

*this joke exists because I found out Stalin’s title during his reign was Secretary. During the power struggles his opponents wanted to give him a menial job to side line him. But he realized he controlled who got invitations to meeting, what was on the agenda, and when they should happen. Leading t...

Grandpa's story about the meeting of the animals and Man.

Grandpa: Long ago, the animals decided to host a meeting, the agenda of which I'm not sure of. Man was also invited. Now, at that time, Man did not have clothes yet, neither did the animals, obviously. When Man arrived at the meeting (and he was the last one to arrive), the animals turned to look at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

I had a meeting with my boss today. He said "are we going to discuss sales figures followed by recruitment?"

Did he just assume my agenda?

At a press conference, Sarah Sanders is asked, "why has Trump imposed tarrifs on soybeans but not chickpeas?"

Sarah rolled her eyes and contorted her face even more, then replied, "listen Jim Acosta, I don't know what you're agenda is with that question, but suffice it to say that the President's decision on which legumes to tarrif is deeply rooted in the fact that he's never had a Russian soybean on his he...

A teacher addresses her students after they've come back from lunch

She lays out the agenda for the lesson:

"Alright everyone, I'm going to ask each of you what you did during lunch. I'll them ask you to write something on the board related to what you did - if you spell the word correctly, you'll get a biscuit."

The children all seem quite excited by ...

The English letters were having their annual conference

The English letters were having their annual conference led by A.

A: 'This year's main agenda is to find replacements for letters that have similar upper and lower case letters to avoid confusion. We will begin with the letter C'

C: 'Why does it has to start with me?'

A: 'Beca...

"Aren't you really busy tomorrow?"

"Woah buddy don't assume my agenda"

I hate when people say "you never seem to have any free time"

How dare you assume my agenda

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old man at the IRS office

An 80 year old gets a summons from the IRS to appear at the offices to discuss large deposits coming into his accounts that don’t appear on his tax filings..

The old man is a bit nervous and he hires a lawyer to assist him...

He arrives Monday morning and goes into the interview room.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

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