A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

The father says, "Well, son, it's easier for me to show you with an example. Why don't you ask your brother, your sister and your mom the same question, and then come back with what you've learned."

"O...

The head of human resources is interviewing a potential candidate for the open position of corporate attorney.

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.

​

“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”

&...

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There's an old farmer with 3 beautiful daughters. He is very protective of them and meets every potential suitor at the front door, with a loaded shotgun in his hands.

Sure enough, come Saturday evening there's a knock at the door. The farmer jumps up, throws open the door and points his shotgun at the young man.

The fellow is a little startled, but manages to say "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. I'm here to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"...

My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential,

Then he pushed me off the roof.

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

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Diffrence between potential and reality

An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'

Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"

Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."

Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with B...

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents -- two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer.

"Inside this room you will find your wife sit...

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

My Physics teacher said I have no Potential

Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

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What's the difference between potential and reality?

One night at dinner a son asks his father "What's the difference between potential and reality?"

His father says let me show you. He turns to his wife and asks "Honey, if The Rock offered you $1 million to sleep with him, would you?"

She says "Of course I would!"

The father the...

What do you call someone that had potential to be great in highschool, but now has no friends, no career aspirations, and is satisfied with a menial job?

Idk what others would say, but I know my dad is refusing to call me "son"

If I described myself in one word, I'd say, "Potential"

I was too lazy to add the "Wasted".

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One day, King Arthur had to leave Camelot to go for a diplomatic hunt. Worried about his wife's potential infidelity, he asks Merlin to fashion her a chastity belt...

Merlin assures the king that anything that is put through the hole in the chastity belt will be immediately cut off with magic.

Satisfied, King Arthur goes on his hunt. When he returns several days later, he immediately goes to the Knights of the Round Table and asks all of them to drop thei...

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

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What’s the difference between potential and realistic

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot ...

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My dad made this joke after finding out he needed surgery for potential rectal cancer.

Well at least no one can call me a complete asshole anymore!

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump

I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.

True story but potential to be a joke (my friends experience this morning on the train)

Woman jumps on the train this morning with a veil type hood covering her hair and her face where you see nothing but the eyes (I dont know religious garments but didn't really look like a religious garment to me). When she gets on, the guy next to her leans over and calmly whispers "You know we live...

Nothing unleashes your potential like ...

Jumping off a high building... m.g.h to be exact ...

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The commander of the Russian military academy (corresponding to the rank of 4-star general in the US Army) gave a lecture on potential problems and military strategy. At the end of the lecture he asked if there were any questions.

One of the officers stood up and asked: "Will there be a Third World War?" And will Russia take part in it? The general answered positively to both questions.
Another officer asked: "Who will be our enemy?" The general replied: "Everything indicates that it will be China."
All were shocked in ...

What was the deal the coffee-addict lawyer offered potential clients?

Grounds for divorce

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."








I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Potential vs Reality

Little Johnny has to write a paper on the difference between potential and reality for school. He is up in his room all day writing and then crumbling up the papers. He gets the idea to go ask his dad.

"Dad, I have to write a paper on the difference between potential and reality and I can't...

A man was selling the bumper of a pick-up on Craigslist...

A potential buyer calls and asks where it came from. The man replies, "Let's just say it fell off a truck."

Everyone and everything has great potential

For example, today I was circulating through a furniture shop and saw an unplugged lamp that looked like it could really light up a room if only it was given the opportunity to shine

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman is waiting at a cafe for a potential client...

when he looks over and sees Bill Gates reading the paper. He nervously approaches the billionaire and introduces himself.
"Hello Mr. Gates, my name is Peter, I'm a big fan of yours and if it's not too much trouble I'd like to ask a favor of you."
Bill Gates seems hesitant but asks the man...

What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend?

Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?

Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
...

You have so much potential

But no kinetic energy, therefore you will never go anywhere in life.

Just found out you can sell sperm to a sperm bank

All these years I've been letting potential income slip through my fingers

So a realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an Open House

A guy says "Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?"

The realtor says "Brochure"

Peace, Love and Happiness

A very strict man had three hot daughters, named Peace, Love and Happiness. He always hated any guy his daughters brought home - always told them there was no man good enough for his daughters.

Peace was dating a boy he particularly hated, but she kept dating him anyway. Once Peace and her bo...

I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives.

Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you.

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, the emperor decided he wanted to find the best samurai in the world.

So he sent his men around the world, and they came back with three potential options: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor held tryouts to see which was best. First, he brought in the Japanese samurai. As the Japanese samurai strode into the great Hall and a...

Magnus Carlsen uses tinder...

... to check for potential mates.

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Typed this up, hoping it’s new blood.

Terry is going door to door selling peaches. He’s doing okay for himself, and he rounds the corner and comes upon an apartment complex. Lots of potential sales in one spot! He walks up to the first door and knocks.

The lady of the house opens the door wearing a robe which doesn’t leave much ...

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

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Marketing explained

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

______________________________

* You're a woman and you’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?

Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Potential employee: Shape shifting. Interviewer: Really? Interviewer: Yes. Interviewer: Shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Nigerian king

Agnes, a middle-aged New York widow is feeling very lonely one day, so she decides to bite the bullet and try internet dating. Her initial attempts don't go very well, as most of the contact she receives varies from dick pics to guys asking for nudes. She's about to give up when one day she's contac...

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

Two friends had just finished fishing...

...and were rowing their boat back to the docks. When they arrived, the first friend got out and started to tether the boat to the nearest wooden pole. As he was doing so, he noticed that the rope was well-worn and had the potential to snap any moment. For the time being, he decided to tie up the bo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A gorgeous nymphomaniac boarded a plane...

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Busin...

A mod at /r/winemaking dies.

Over at /r/winemaking, the mod died and the admins wanted to replace him with a winetaster. A blind drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. Fearing potential community backlash, the admin of the subreddit wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
...

3 Secret Service agents are on their final day of training

They’re led into a darkened room. The commanding officer has them facing the opposite way of him. He walks up to the first potential agent from behind and speaks to his ear; loudly enough so all 3 can hear, but in a smooth, calculated tone, almost whispering:

“You’ve passed every test up to ...

Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

A pimp is on the streets trying to pimp out his ladies...

There is one of his ladies in particular who is worried she won't be able to pay her bills and the pimp is also worried for her. So he decides to fancy her up in this beautiful dress and personally take her onto the streets to try to get her a customer. After hours of spruiking to potential customer...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Magic Beer

An oldie. Potential repost. Because everything is reposti.


A woman sees a a very handsome man sitting at the bar in an upscale rooftop pub. She convinces herself she needs to talk to this guy, and sits down beside him.

'What are you drinking?" The woman asks.

"This is magic ...

A long blonde joke

A Ventriloquist Tours Norway

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:...

A young guy comes to the city for a job ....

He finds a vacancy at a department store, and gets invited for an interview.

​

The manager asks if he has any previous sales experience to which he replies that he was a vacuum salesman back in his home town. Although unsure, the manager see's potential in the kid and hire...

What does a physicist say when they see somebody jump off a cliff

They shake their head and say “So much wasted potential”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

I was told I would never become anything

So I became a resistor

I have zero potential

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Advertisement aren't always what they seemed.

I was a single obese man watching TV.

A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.

So I thought, what the hell and signed up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at my door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about h...

For the win

A man received a call from the local TV-station. He had signed up for a contest a few days ago and now he was informed that he had been chosen as a potential winner. The price was $10000. The task was simple: reach the TV-station within 15 minutes to win the price. Having just lost his job and with ...

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