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Planets Jokes

What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes.

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Did you guys know tomorrow they’ll only be 7 planets left?

Because tonight I’m destroying Uranus!

How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...


They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

What did Earth say to the other planets?

Wow. You guys have no life.

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There's only 7 planets left now.

Ever since that guy totally destroyed Uranus.

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?

He was out standing in his field

What do you call an orgy between planets?

The Big Bang.

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

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There's only gonna be seven planets in the sky tonight!

"Why? There's eight planets." She said with a look that only someone truly offended can give you. Our hero and Random Girl #24 talked for hours about space, planets, and stars until they both were well aquatinted with one another. She was leaning on his shoulder and then asked again, "why'd you say ...

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah....

But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

I asked my German friend how many planets in our Solar System

Surprisingly he said "Nine"

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The 7th planet should be a moon

Because it's Uranus.

(This is an unprovoked joke from my 7 year daughter who is drawing pictures of planets in her coloring book. I thought its was clever)

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The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

Did you Know that all the planets are named after Roman gods?

Except the Earth, the Earth is named after the stuff on the ground.

\-from a great source for stupid jokes the Norm McDonald Show.

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How many planets have you been to?

Two, Earth and Uranus.

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My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

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Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas

Did you know? All eight planets can fit in between the earth and the moon?

That's 5 CVS tickets long!

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

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