The 30+ Best Planets Jokes

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Galactus loves his planets

I bet he enjoys eating Uranus

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Did you guys know tomorrow they’ll only be 7 planets left?

Because tonight I’m destroying Uranus!

What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes.

What did Earth say to the other planets?

Wow. You guys have no life.

In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah....

But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

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Hey baby, there is only gonna be 7 planets soon...

Because I'm gonna destroy Uranus

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?

He was out standing in his field

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

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There's only 7 planets left now.

Ever since that guy totally destroyed Uranus.

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There's only gonna be seven planets in the sky tonight!

"Why? There's eight planets." She said with a look that only someone truly offended can give you. Our hero and Random Girl #24 talked for hours about space, planets, and stars until they both were well aquatinted with one another. She was leaning on his shoulder and then asked again, "why'd you say ...

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

What do you call an orgy between planets?

The Big Bang.

I asked my German friend how many planets in our Solar System

Surprisingly he said "Nine"

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

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How come all the other planets are named after cool stuff like gods?

Meanwhile, Earth is named after that dirty shit on the ground.

Did you Know that all the planets are named after Roman gods?

Except the Earth, the Earth is named after the stuff on the ground.

\-from a great source for stupid jokes the Norm McDonald Show.

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The 7th planet should be a moon

Because it's Uranus.

(This is an unprovoked joke from my 7 year daughter who is drawing pictures of planets in her coloring book. I thought its was clever)

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Two planets orbiting a sun....

... have a little chat.

One says: "Oh man, whats wrong with you, you don't look so great. "

The other answers:" Yeah, I feel like shit, I've got homo sapiens!"

Says the first one: "Don't worry, that'll pass!"

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...

They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

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My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

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A 3rd grader was giving a presentation on the planets. He got stumped and whispered to his Dad 'What's this one?' Father says 'Uranus.'

The kid looks proudly to the class and says 'This is my anus.'

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20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

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NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system, but quit after Uranus

They found it to be a shithole.

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