Martians and Jesus

So a Martian arrives on earth. Obviously humanity has many questions for him, so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions.

When it is the Pope's turn, he asks, "I was wonderi...

Two martians stare at a descending spacecraft.

One of them mutters:

"It seems that the American subspecies has finally reached our home planet. I really hope they mean no harm to us."

The other, terrified:

"Oh god, please tell me we don't have oil."

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A male and a female martians swapped partners with an earth couple

The Martian male was fucking the earth female but she told him that his penis was too small so he pulled his left ear and his penis became longer then she told him that it's too thin so he pulled his right ear and his penis became wider and the earth female became very happy. The next night the eart...

This pandemic has exposed how unrealistic the movie The Martian is.

Not because of the space travel to Mars, but there is no way the US government would spend so much money and gather the resources to save just one life.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a martian?

An eggs-traterrestrial!

Did you know martians are communists?

They all live on the red planet.

Where do Martians get their coffee from?

Starbucks.
I'm sorry.

What did the Martian call the human who was ran over by a bus?

A flat earther

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Aliens

A ship with 2 martians on board departed Mars and set out for earth. The martians arrived to earth very late at night, and landed at a gas station. The 2 martians got off the ship, and began to ask the gas pump questions. “What’s your name” one Martian asked. No reply. “How old are you”... still no ...

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Why the Martians haven't contacted us?

They missed the opportunity

What do you call a fight between a Martian and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

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Martian Babies

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, they get around to the subject of where babies come from.
"Just how do you guys do it?" ask the Earthlings.

“We’ll show you”, the Martians say.

Each Martian holds out two fin...

Where do Martians drink beer?

At a Mars Bar.

What does Marvin the Martian put on his toast?

Space Jam

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A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met...

...and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one anothe...

They’ve written a sequel to The Martian where a hundred rescuers attempt to rescue a stranded man on mars, only to fail.

It’s title.

101 Dull Martians

When the Martians made a movie about Earth, they came back for more Earthlings.

Apparently, they needed some extra terrestrials.

Why was the little Martian sad?

Curiosity killed his cat.

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Martian Sex

For an experiment on the effects of deep space travel on romantic relationships, NASA sends a married couple to explore Mars.

After the couple lands on Mars they begin exploring the surface. To their surprise they bump into a pair of Martians. The Martians looked just humans, except they're g...

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A Farmer and his wife...

A farmer and his wife were sitting on the front porch enjoying the cool summer evening, when a flying saucer lands in the front yard, a door drops down, an Martian man and woman step off the spacecraft and introduce themselves to the country couple, after a long evening of enjoyable conversation the...

I just watched "the Martian" - What an unrealistic movie...

...Sean Bean survives.

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"Are we alone"

These two little martians land at a closed gas station in a small town in the middle of the night. The two little martians come out of their flying saucer and walk up to the gas pump and say “take me to your leader”. Well of course the gas pump doesn’t say anything and the little martian says it aga...

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People from earth are called Earthlings.

People from Mars are called Martians.

People from Uranus are called Assholes.

The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.

There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box o...

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

Saying "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" means basically the same thing...

...except at a funeral.

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

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A flying saucer lands in the middle of a farm one evening...

The farmer and his wife witness the landing and decide to investigate, discovering a male and female Martian couple aboard the craft. Being friendly, the farm couple invites the Martians to dinner back at the farmhouse.

One glass of wine turns into several, the conversation turns raunchy, and...

If Philae finds an inhabitant on the comet what would be its first words?

I'm a Comedian ^((because people from Mars are Martians)^) ^^And. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out

What do you call an alien civil rights activist?

Martian Luther King jr.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ...

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