Pod Jokes - 89 Hilarious Pod Jokes

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.

But it's harder to deter gents.

I'll let myself out.

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What do you call a pod of singing killer whales?

An orcapella group

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All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

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People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

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There's iPod, iMac, iPhone...

and Apple watch, because iWatch sounds way too creepy.

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A pod of whales walks into a bar.

One whale says to the other "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUYUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAOOOOOOO, OOOUAAAAAUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAYYYEEEEUUUM?!"

The other whale responds, "Go home Steve, you're drunk."

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If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my iPod.

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."

He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"

I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

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What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's?

One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.

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I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I’m clean now.

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What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

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I renamed my iPod The Titanic

When I plug it in, it says "The Titanic is syncing".

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What if tide pods..

Are just cleaning up people who should have been stains in the first place?

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I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

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Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

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My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me a...

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Are you a tide pod?

Because you’re lookin’ like a snack but you’re really just toxic to everyone.

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iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide no...

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<<BREAKING NEWS>> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.

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Why did the Alabama girl take the tide pod challenge?

To wash her family's extra large load.

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My iPod stopped running

It cannot even walkman

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What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war?

A nuclear detergent

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Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

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What did the cat like most about the iPod?

The pawsability.

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Why don't we see kids doing the Tide pod challenge anymore?

They cleaned themselves up

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Intercourse is a lot like AirPods

It seems like everybody has it, but I just know that for me it cost a lot of money to get it.

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My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had

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If you pass your AirPods to your kid...

Do they become HeirPods?

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Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

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Connected my iPod, named "The Titanic" to my computer.

"The Titanic is synching..."

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There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....

It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.

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What do Prince Andrew and Tide Pods have in common?

They should always kept away from children

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Did you know air pods are for poor people.

They can't afford the wires

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There are flat earthers, there are tide pod eaters,

And there are people who want the first two to be the same.

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A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins...

Multi-porpoise!

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When your iPod stops working, it floats.

Because it doesn't sync.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Frank, an aerospace engineer, purchases an old iPod and fills it with his favorite bands...

He's in his office trying to get his newly acquired gadget to work when the janitor, Joe, walks into the office and asks, "Hey man, what are you listening to?"

Frank replies, "Nothing yet! I can't get this damn thing to work! Can you help me?"

Joe decides to gives it a shot, s...

Be careful picking up strange AirPods off the street

You might get hearing AIDS

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Yevgeny Prigozhin meets Putin

Putin says ok here's the deal. I can't have you walking around making me look bad. We have this experimental hibernation pod. You get in it right now, or I shoot you. After I die, they will pull you out. YP reluctantly agrees.

The pod opens and he sits up.

He asks, "How long has...

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Trump brings back the Tide Pods challenge to fight against the Coronavirus

What? It's a disinfectant...

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I feel bad for all the people eating Tide pods.

They haven't figured out that Cascade actionpacs taste way better.

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Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...

They just changed their “active ingredients” to “nutrition facts”.

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I don't know why people think eating Tide Pods is dangerous...

I mean, you could start today and eat them for the rest of your life.

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A friend and I decided to see who would die first after eating a tide pod...

“Now this is pod racing.”

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So Apple made a spinoff of the iPod Touch...

...where you design all its features yourself. The color, storage, apps that come with it, basically everything.

However, it got banned from all Apple stores because of its name, the iTouchMyself.

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Maybe Tide started the PODS challenge as a viral marketing campaign...

to clean up mistakes.

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Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...

...detergents.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aaron is in geometry class. His teacher is yelling at him because he’s wearing AirPods while the teacher is talking. In the middle of his rant, Aaron says “You’re such a square!”

The teacher says “prove it”.

Instead of using the fear of prison to dissuade criminals, we should start making them eat Tide Pods.

That would be a real crime detergent.

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People keep laughing at Millennials over this whole eating Tide Pods thing, but it started with Bill O'Reilly

“Tide goes in, Tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Tide goes in.”

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Yo' mama is so dirty...

She did the Tide Pod challenge and vanished

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My mom caught me lying about smuggling Tide pods out of the house instead of doing the laundry

So I had to come clean

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Apple is trying to market its new iPod to the lower demographic with a newly named device ...

... however they decided "iTouch Kids" was not a good name.

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So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod.

Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list.

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What do you call a group of 3 finned whales that never gives up and are difficult to knock over??

A tri-pod

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Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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What kind of phones do squids use?

CephaliPods

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What do you call a

group of Whales?
A Pod

A group of Crows?
A: A murder

A group of Red Herring?
…

A Culture War

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Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion."

Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

C-Worthy NSFW

And then there’s the one about the killer whales who got tired of whales getting killed off by fishermen. So a pod of them got together to plan a retaliation.

The pod leader says, “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. The next time a group of boats come by, we’ll swim under them, use our blo...

My son asked me what it was like to be married

I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.

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I was in a bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beats. After a couple songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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How do Halloween characters listen to their music?

Scare pods

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What do you call it when an Apple fan is watching a 90s movie on a tablet about a dog that plays basketball on their wireless headphones?

They're watching Air Bud on their iPad through their Air Pods earbuds.

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Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.

He makes his way to closest town and ent...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Imam, Rabbi and Priest die in plane crash.

When they each meet their God, it is explained to them that this was a big mistake. Each one is given the opportunity to return to Earth in whatever form they choose.

The Imam says: "I've always greatly admired the Eagle, soaring so effortlessly on the wind. Poof! He is an Eagle riding therma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Very bad product name

Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You already know the legend of the Foo Bird...

...named after its purportedly plaintive cries of "Foo! Foo!" but renowned for its feces, which is said to become a deadly toxin on the skin upon exposure to air, giving us to the common piece of wisdom, "If the Foo shits, wear it."

However you may not know about the brave explorers who set o...

I don't need to inject disinfectant

I'm still protected by that Tide pod I ate two years ago.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two whales are swimming along...

... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"

The second whale agrees and they begin their ...

That awkward moment when

That awkward moment when the woman you’re dancing behind bends over so you can grind it. But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in Mcdonalds can hear the music on your iPod.

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If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM...

It'll be like toupees in a pod.

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Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives (copied joke)

The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."

The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."

The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carrie...

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Give a teen a pizza, they'll be full for a day

Give a teen a tide pod, they'll be full for the rest of their life

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What do groups of whales listen to together?

*pod*-casts

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One of the lines in the song ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ is, “I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer”.

I’m concerned that Tide Pod eaters will misunderstand.

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I can't get Coronavirus if I wash my insides...

Maybe the tide pod generation was onto something...

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I've heard that an apple a day keeps the doctor away

so I bought my ex-girlfriend an iPod , she has a PhD.

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Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

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I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

A little girl is eating her vegetables

Suddenly one of the pea pods came to life and began pleading for its life, "No giant! Please spare me and I will take you to my kingdom where my queen will reward you with much more than my life!"

With nothing better to do, the girl accepts the offer and follows the talking pea to his kingdom...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist....

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist who was, in 1792, considered one of the country’s chief ornithologists. Credited with discovering and describing over 200 different bird species, he spent most of his life hopping from island to island, describing the wildlife, and moving to...

Whale whale whale...

... if it isn't a pod.

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What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

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I'm going to create a dating Website for people with incurable STD's to find each other.

It will be named 2 Herpes in a Pod

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What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

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