Pronunciation Jokes

Not mine:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before w... read more

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!... read more

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.

A "skyentist."

What happens when you choke on Vietnamese soup?

Pho cough.

I'll give you a gift of gin.

It's "g" as in garage

You bet jurassic can

They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".

The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".

The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii... read more

They called me a bigot I'm pretty sure they meant baguette.

What a Nguyen-Nguyen situation!

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,... read more

On their way they see a sign for a place called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and decide to head there for something to eat. As they make their way there they debate the pronunciation of the town’s name.

They stop for lunch and one tourist asks the cashier, “Befor... read more

Sikh and you shall find.

(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)

(also a comma)

I mean, they pronounce Constantinople as Istanbul.

Two American tourists in Saskatchewan are arguing about the correct pronunciation of the town's name, so when they stop for a burger, the one asks the cashier, "Can you please tell us where we are, but say it slowly and clearly?"

The cashier says "B-u-r-g-e-r ... K-i-n-g"

**DOCTOR:** What? Can you say it again?

**ME:** Frederick

**DOCTOR:** Your pronunciation is perfect, tell your wife that you don't have any problem with that.

**MY WIFE:** What did the doctor said?

**ME:** The doctor said that there is nothing wrong with my pronunciation ... read more

I asked him if he thought I was Lyon and if so why would I? He's just a guy at a bar... I have nothing Toulouse. I do hope he had a Nice day.

My English teacher told me to polish my pronunciation.

The spelling and pronunciation.

A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside... read more

But he was having Nunavut.

^^^the ^^^pronunciation ^^^doesn't ^^^work ^^^that ^^^way ^^^but ^^^whatever ^^^it's ^^^OC

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a... read more

But all the passengers appear to be American tourists returning from abroad. One by one they are taken in for questioning.

"But I swear I'm an American citizen!" the last passenger protests.

"It's a simple test," the official tells him. "Just read what's written on this card."

... read more

He's unsure of the pronunciation, not sure if its "Hawaii" or "Havaii", so when he gets off of the plane, he looks for a local.

He finds a guy that appears to be a local and asks him, "is it pronounced 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii'?"

The local responds "Havaii!"

The traveler then says th... read more

N.B. The joke only works if you use American pronunciation, but it's a long joke and I didn't want people to get to the end and complain there's no punchline.

A man named Steve is stuck in a dead end job, 9-5, 7 days a week in a little run down office in the middle of town. He hates it and h... read more