What did Bach say when he is brought to life again?

“I’m Bach from the dead”

Why did Bach have over 20 children?

His organ wouldn't stop

Beethoven and Bach were once composers.

Now they are decomposers.

Did you hear the one about Bach running out of money?

He was Ba-roke.

What did Johann Sebastian Bach say when he looked at his empty savings account?

I'm Baroque!

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Someone stole all my Bach records

They just baroque in and took them.

My six year old made her own joke and is so proud

What’s a chicken’s favorite music?

Bach Bach

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can ...

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.


That is all.

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

Why couldn't Bach afford a new harpsichord?

He was baroque.

What did Bach say when Mozart thought he smelled something burning?

"Could Beethoven"

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to a fancy dress party dressed as Tchaikovsky

However, when he found out that someone was already dressed as Tchaikovsky, he said "i'll be Bach".

A classical music fan is visiting Germany and decides to visit Bach's grave in Leipzig

When he gets there, he hears some faint music. He listens closely and he soon realizes that its coming from Bach's grave! He is spooked, but bewildered and keeps listening as it sounds familiar but unrecognizable. After a couple minutes, he realizes it is Bach's Sonata in G minor playing backward...

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

Why did Bach have to sell his kidney?

Cause he was baroque

How can you tell Bach was a starving artist?

He was baroque.

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Ow! I think it's baroque!


(I'm so sorry.)

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Talking Chicken (my original twist)

A guy goes into a bar with a chicken. The bartender of course says, “What’s up with the chicken? We don’t allow chickens in here.“

The guy says “it’s okay, Freddie’s a talking chicken!“

The bartender says “yeah sure pal. If that chicken can talk, I’ll give you all the free beer you wan...

What do you call Chinese cabbage that composes music?

Bach choy.

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler...

It got so bad that he went baroque.

Sorry...

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?

He was Haydn.

Our neighbors dog would often play the piano

His Bach was worse than his bite

I went Chopin, but I forgot my Liszt.

Don't worry, I will go Bach later.

A sign in a music shop

A sign in a music shop:

Gone chopin. Bach in a minuet

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.

He said, “Yes, I’ll be Bach”.

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future.

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "If I can show you something amazing, will you let me have a free drink?" The bartender plays along and replies, "Sure".

The man opens his jacket and out hops a frog. The frog runs over to the piano in the back of the bar and hops around the keys playing Mozart, Beetho...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out

Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let’s Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he’ll be Bach

What did the disappointed mozart-fan infant say when he opened his gift?

Baby got Bach

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score?

Because the Empire likes Bach!

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Terminator and his friends were going to a costume party.

They all decided that they'll go as composers.

Friend 1: I'll be Mozart

Friend 2: I'll be Beethoven

Terminator: I'LL BE BACH

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

Van damme...

Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are at a bar, discussing which classical composer they would most rather be. "I'll be beethoven", says van damme. "Well in that case I'll be mozart" says Stallone. Arnie replies "I'll be Bach"

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ...

See you later Mozart

I'll be Bach

If I can’t be Mozart...

*Terminator voice*
“I’ll be Bach.”

What music do trees love listening to?

Bach

You know you spend too much time sitting, playing piano...

...when your Bach hurts

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

Hollywood is creating a movie about all the great classical musicians, their lives, and their work.

To make the best movie possible, the director contacted several famous actors.

The director asked Matt Damon, and he said he'd be Beethoven.

A message to Hugh Jackman had him agreeing to be Chopin.

Johnny Depp said he'd be glad to play Mozart.

Even Tom Cruise said he wo...

It was movie night, and I thought my favourite baroque composer and Henry VIII would enjoy the film JFK.

Sadly, Bach and Tudor left.

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

What did Scarlatti tell Vivaldi when he fell off a ladder?

"I guess you Baroque your Bach. I bet you can't Handel the pain."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a young Arnold Schwarzenegger was in Music Appreciation class...

each student was asked to give a presentation as their favorite composer. Being a huge fan of Mozart, Arnold was very excited to turn in his request. But much to his dismay, the teacher told him "Unfortunately, someone else already chosen to be Mozart."

To which Arnold replied, "No worries......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

He sits at the bar and orders his drink and the bartender brings it to him.

While hes sipping on his drink the bartender says, “hey, mac, i gotta ask...whats with the octopus?”

The man says, “oh this? This is no ordinary octopus, this is a musical genius octopus!”

Skeptical, th...

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

What is the sheep's favourite musucian?

Bach.

I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven.

He'll be Bach.

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

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