Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

Why couldn't Bach afford a new baton?

Because he was Baroque

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who was greatest composer, they all said "Bach Bach Bach Bach."

Johann Sebastian Bach was not a rich man

In fact, he was pretty baroque.

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

Why can't Bach buy a piano

Because he is Baroque

What's a chicken's favorite music?

Bach, Bach, BAAAAACH!

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?

They kept saying “Bach!”

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

What did Bach say when Mozart thought he smelled something burning?

"Could Beethoven"

How can you tell Bach was a starving artist?

He was baroque.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Ow! I think it's baroque!


(I'm so sorry.)

Why couldn't Bach pay for his rent?

Because he was a Baroque composer.

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven.

He'll be Bach.

Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler...

It got so bad that he went baroque.

Sorry...

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ...

A classical music fan is visiting Germany and decides to visit Bach's grave in Leipzig

When he gets there, he hears some faint music. He listens closely and he soon realizes that its coming from Bach's grave! He is spooked, but bewildered and keeps listening as it sounds familiar but unrecognizable. After a couple minutes, he realizes it is Bach's Sonata in G minor playing backward...

Arnold schwarzenegger recently decided to go back into the movie business...

But being fed up with his trademark macho image he chose to do something different and went to a casting for a movie based on the life and story of famous classical composers.
****
****
When asked what role he was going for, Arnie leaned forward, looked right into the producers eyes and sa...

Why did JS Bach have 20 children?

Because his organ had no stops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

He sits at the bar and orders his drink and the bartender brings it to him.

While hes sipping on his drink the bartender says, “hey, mac, i gotta ask...whats with the octopus?”

The man says, “oh this? This is no ordinary octopus, this is a musical genius octopus!”

Skeptical, th...

What did the 18th century German composer say when he needed to use the bathroom?

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?

He was Haydn.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Hardy, and Owen Wilson dressed up as musicians for a party.

Tom Hardy said, "I'll be Beethoven."

Owen Wilson said, "I'll be Mozart."


Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

3 celebrities are going to a costume party. They decided to have musician themed costumes.

Tom Cruise says, "I'll be Mozart." Robert Downey Jr. day's "I'll be Beethoven." Arnold Swarznegger says, "I'll be Bach."

Mozart has just died.

A woman is walking through the church courtyard a few days after the death of Mozart when she hears the Ode to Joy very faintly playing backwards. She runs into the church and finds the priest.

"Father, what is the music in the courtyard?"

"Music in the courtyard?" The priest asks. <...

3 politicians are planning a gala

Harry Anand, George Bush, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide that the gala should be a costumed event, but gave difficulty agreeing on the theme.

Eventually, Harry suggests they go as a figure for their heritage whom they respect and admire.

Arnold thinks this is a great idea, and George...

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

You know you spend too much time sitting, playing piano...

...when your Bach hurts

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

What is the sheep's favourite musucian?

Bach.

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

I was talking to a woman at a bar, and she said air on a g-string gave her goosebumps.

It was 10 minutes before I realized she was talking about the musical piece by Bach.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

A sign at the music shop said.....

Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.

Last Halloween, Schwarzenegger, while carrying a piano over his shoulders, throws me an organ.

"What's this for?" I say.

He replies, "I'll be Bach.

And you be Beethoven."

My friend asked if I wanted to be the Terminator or a 17th century composer for halloween

So I said "I'll be Bach"

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Bach-teria

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Telling Tale of Oliver Tin

When he was young, Oliver Tin knew nothing about what he wanted to do, except that he wanted to do everything.

At the age of 5, he had already mastered reading, and had grown bored of all the literature he could find, fiction or not. Oliver Tin took this boredom as an obligation to produce wo...

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

Bad musicians can be scary.

But their Bach is worse than their bite.

I went Chopin but I forgot my Liszt

So I'll go Bach home

Me and my friends went as famous musicians for Halloween.

While everyone decided who they would be I said
"I'll go buy my costume now, then I'll be bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger said he is going to play a German composer in a new movie.

He said “I’ll be Bach”.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

I had a one night stand with a girl the other night...

At the beginning of the night I played piano for her and she said I was just like Amadeus or Beethoven.

From that point on I knew she was never going to call me Bach.

"My favourite musical composer has gone missing!"

"Don't worry, I've got your Bach"

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger go to a theme party.

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are planning ahead to attend a theme party. The theme is famous composers, and Lundgren suggests “We should all go as a composer from our respective heritage. I could be Franz Berwald. He had interests in the arts and sciences, much like me.”<...

I’ve been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt.

I’m having some pretty bad Bach pains.

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked “if you could be a musician, who would you be?”

He replied “I’d be Bach”

Steven Spielberg's Next Movie

Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.

Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."

Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have...

A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus

The bartender says the the guy "we can't have that octopus in here".

The guys responds, saying "but this is a special octopus - he can play any musical instrument you tell him to"

So the bartender points to the piano and says "get him to play the piano then... and I'll give you a free ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. “Too cliche” says Arnie. “What about dead musicians.” “Great idea. I’ll be Coltrane. What about you?”

“I’ll be Bach.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

THE GOVINATOR

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that...

A man walks into a pet store

He walks up to the shopkeeper and asks him for a suggestion for his daughters birthday.

"Sir come with me! I have some very friendly monkeys that your daughter would adore!"

The shopkeeper then takes him over to a cage full of monkeys. The father notices the price tag, $1000. He starts...

So I phoned my friend to ask him why he's been calling me the names of different composers, but he didn't answer...

He hasn't called me Bach yet.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Dolph Lundgren were sitting around a a table

when they came up with the idea for a movie series based on the lives of classical musicians. They had all the details nailed down: the plot, the characters, the music, and so on. However, they couldn't decide which one of them was to play each classical composer in the film series. Eventually they ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people not like Classical music?

Because they have to sit in the Bach of the concert hall.

What did the terminator say when he accidentally got sent back in time to the renaissance?

I'll be Bach.

A night at the symphony

Many years ago there was a Symphony Orchestra conducted by the great Alistair Baldwick. He was one of the most renowned Symphony conductors of all time, and on this special night he was going to conduct a magnificent piece by Bach. It was one of the most difficult pieces for both players and conduct...

Terminator walks into a police station

He opens the first office and two police officers stand there mouths open. They reach for their pistols, but the Terminator opens his mouth and out shoots the sound of ear piercing violins. The police officers drop their pistols and clench their hands against their ears, but it's too much, their hea...

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

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