Why did Bach have over 20 children?

His organ wouldn't stop

Johann Sebastian Bach was not a rich man

In fact, he was pretty baroque.

Why couldn't Bach afford a new baton?

Because he was Baroque

Beethoven and Bach were once composers.

Now they are decomposers.

Why couldn’t Bach join Mozart, Gershwin, and Liszt for drinks?

He was Baroque.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who their favorite composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

Why can't Bach buy a piano

Because he is Baroque

Why did Bach have to sell his kidney?

Cause he was baroque

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

How can you tell Bach was a starving artist?

He was baroque.

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

A man walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "If I can show you something amazing, will you let me have a free drink?" The bartender plays along and replies, "Sure".

The man opens his jacket and out hops a frog. The frog runs over to the piano in the back of the bar and hops around the keys playing Mozart, Beetho...

What did Bach say when Mozart thought he smelled something burning?

"Could Beethoven"

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

See you later Mozart

I'll be Bach

Why couldn't Bach pay for his rent

Because he was a baroque composer

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

What music do trees love listening to?

Bach

I went Chopin

But I forgot my Liszt, so I went Bach home.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

Why did J. S. Bach have so many kids?

Because his organ didn't have any stops!

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

Why do the Greeks play classical music by volcanoes?

because of all the Bach lava.

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler...

It got so bad that he went baroque.

Sorry...

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was cast in a movie about famous composers?

"I'll be Bach."

A classical music fan is visiting Germany and decides to visit Bach's grave in Leipzig

When he gets there, he hears some faint music. He listens closely and he soon realizes that its coming from Bach's grave! He is spooked, but bewildered and keeps listening as it sounds familiar but unrecognizable. After a couple minutes, he realizes it is Bach's Sonata in G minor playing backward...

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When a young Arnold Schwarzenegger was in Music Appreciation class...

each student was asked to give a presentation as their favorite composer. Being a huge fan of Mozart, Arnold was very excited to turn in his request. But much to his dismay, the teacher told him "Unfortunately, someone else already chosen to be Mozart."

To which Arnold replied, "No worries......

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Ow! I think it's baroque!


(I'm so sorry.)

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

3 politicians are planning a gala

Harry Anand, George Bush, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide that the gala should be a costumed event, but gave difficulty agreeing on the theme.

Eventually, Harry suggests they go as a figure for their heritage whom they respect and admire.

Arnold thinks this is a great idea, and George...

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?

He was Haydn.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Hardy, and Owen Wilson dressed up as musicians for a party.

Tom Hardy said, "I'll be Beethoven."

Owen Wilson said, "I'll be Mozart."


Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

He sits at the bar and orders his drink and the bartender brings it to him.

While hes sipping on his drink the bartender says, “hey, mac, i gotta ask...whats with the octopus?”

The man says, “oh this? This is no ordinary octopus, this is a musical genius octopus!”

Skeptical, th...

You know you spend too much time sitting, playing piano...

...when your Bach hurts

What did the 18th century German composer say when he needed to use the bathroom?

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

3 celebrities are going to a costume party. They decided to have musician themed costumes.

Tom Cruise says, "I'll be Mozart." Robert Downey Jr. day's "I'll be Beethoven." Arnold Swarznegger says, "I'll be Bach."

I've been trying to get my girlfriend into classical music but she just isn't interested.

I'm Baching up the wrong tree.

Mozart has just died.

A woman is walking through the church courtyard a few days after the death of Mozart when she hears the Ode to Joy very faintly playing backwards. She runs into the church and finds the priest.

"Father, what is the music in the courtyard?"

"Music in the courtyard?" The priest asks. <...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

A sign at the music shop said.....

Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Bach-teria

My friend asked if I wanted to be the Terminator or a 17th century composer for halloween

So I said "I'll be Bach"

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

What is the sheep's favourite musucian?

Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ...

I was talking to a woman at a bar, and she said air on a g-string gave her goosebumps.

It was 10 minutes before I realized she was talking about the musical piece by Bach.

Bad musicians can be scary.

But their Bach is worse than their bite.

What did Arnold say when he decided to dress up as a baroque era composer?

I'll be Bach

Me and my friends went as famous musicians for Halloween.

While everyone decided who they would be I said
"I'll go buy my costume now, then I'll be bach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Telling Tale of Oliver Tin

When he was young, Oliver Tin knew nothing about what he wanted to do, except that he wanted to do everything.

At the age of 5, he had already mastered reading, and had grown bored of all the literature he could find, fiction or not. Oliver Tin took this boredom as an obligation to produce wo...

Last Halloween, Schwarzenegger, while carrying a piano over his shoulders, throws me an organ.

"What's this for?" I say.

He replies, "I'll be Bach.

And you be Beethoven."

Arnold Schwarzenegger said he is going to play a German composer in a new movie.

He said “I’ll be Bach”.

Steven Spielberg's Next Movie

Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.

Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."

Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have...

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

I had a one night stand with a girl the other night...

At the beginning of the night I played piano for her and she said I was just like Amadeus or Beethoven.

From that point on I knew she was never going to call me Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked “if you could be a musician, who would you be?”

He replied “I’d be Bach”

"My favourite musical composer has gone missing!"

"Don't worry, I've got your Bach"

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger go to a theme party.

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are planning ahead to attend a theme party. The theme is famous composers, and Lundgren suggests “We should all go as a composer from our respective heritage. I could be Franz Berwald. He had interests in the arts and sciences, much like me.”<...

What's a musician's favorite part of the body?

The Bach.

I’ve been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt.

I’m having some pretty bad Bach pains.

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven.

He'll be Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is offered a role as a well known composer...

"I'll be Bach" he says, accepting the offer.

A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. “Too cliche” says Arnie. “What about dead musicians.” “Great idea. I’ll be Coltrane. What about you?”

“I’ll be Bach.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus

The bartender says the the guy "we can't have that octopus in here".

The guys responds, saying "but this is a special octopus - he can play any musical instrument you tell him to"

So the bartender points to the piano and says "get him to play the piano then... and I'll give you a free ...

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people not like Classical music?

Because they have to sit in the Bach of the concert hall.

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