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Brady Jokes

When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady...

Literally. He can’t catch.

The last season of The Brady Bunch wasn't very good

They lost to the Cowboys.

Tom Brady just announced that he was retiring from football for good.

That's a relief because if he was retiring for evil, then evil would probably win.

Tom Brady died

When he got to Heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Tom", said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

Tom felt special and walked up to his house. On ...

Report: Tom Brady to retire.

Fans hoping for one more season reportedly deflated by the news.

Why does Tom Brady hate investing cryptocurrancy

Because it could lead to inflation.

How much does Tom Brady pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

Tom Brady walks into a bar

to watch the Super Bowl.

Why is Tom Brady always so optimistic?

He sees the football as half full.

How did Tom Brady get $2?

He gets a buck n ear.

Tom Brady has 6 rings...

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Tom Brady's favorite sexual activity?

Deflatio

What do Tom Brady and Robert Kraft still have in common?

They go to Florida for happy endings

What did Tom Brady say when he lost the Superbowl?

Man, that Ertz...

Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?

I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.

Tom Brady's so old...

He won his first Superbowl in standard definition.

Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?

He doesn’t want things to get too inflated.

Tom Brady is 5 times better than Nickelback

He's a quarterback

Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure.

On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings. But on the other hand, he only has one.

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

Tom Brady retired, but he does so as the GOAT, with 7 Super Bowls, but more importantly, he’s 5x better than Nickelback.

…he’s a quarterback

Tom Brady now has a perfect track record.

He's won 5/7 Superbowls he's been in.

Tom Brady said he refuses to invest in bitcoin.

Turns out he's afraid of inflation.

Which presidential candidate does Tom Brady support?

Whichever can reduce inflation.

What do Tom Brady and Rhonda Rousey have in common?

Both struggle to last longer than a minute with a Brazilian woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger?

Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isis released a statement saying, "Fuck Tom Brady!"

Turns out they heard that he is the G.O.A.T.

Congratulations to Tom Brady, the first player to be undefeated over 5+ Super Bowls.

He's won all 5/7.

Brady once again charged with letting the air out of something.

This time it was the Falcons defense

Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat ta...

What do Gisele, Eli Manning, and Nick Foles all have in common?

All three managed to take a ring from Tom Brady.

Gas prices got so expensive that…

Tom Brady had to come out of retirement

Tony Dungy visits Bill Belicheck to try and learn the Patriots secrets.

He asks Bill about how he always wins no mater what is going on.

Bill calls Tom Brady into his office and asks him "who is you father's brother's nephew?"

Brady responds "Me"

Bill turns to Tony and says "see you, need smart players"

The next day at practice Tony calls ove...

For some reason CBS wouldn't let me stream the super bowl. I had to switch to the ESPN spanish simulcast.

It worked out because BRADY-GRONKOWSKI-GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!! is the same in every language.

Aaron Rodgers is pretty deflated after throwing two picks this game...

If he's not careful, Tom Brady might try to hold him

Don't worry about straying from your diet today.

It's Tom Brady's cheat day, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife isn't like other NY Jets fans...

She never complains about how hard Tom Brady fucks her.

Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation.

Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New England Patriots gates....

When they filmed the other teams practicing it was called "Spygate"

When Brady used deflated balls it was called "Deflategate"

Now that Bob Kraft is in trouble for visiting a full service massage parlor, would that be called, "Tailgate"?

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Football in Heaven

Tom Brady and Gronk are both old and close to death.

Tom goes to Gronk's bedside, and says, "Rob...when you die and get to heaven, can you come back and tell me if there's football there?"

Gronk says yes, and dies later that day.

So about a week later, Tom is sleeping when he h...

You know what they say: once you go Black...

... you'll always be blacker than Wayne Brady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words...

I’ve been thinking...

I have seen a lot of hate spewed in recent days about a man who is a constant winner and overachiever, and that's what the people who support him like about him. Yes, he's been caught in some lies and maybe twisted the truth a little but he's still out there proving his haters wrong time after time....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know everyone is tired of the negativity with all the recent events...

I'm negative too. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just can't comprehend how this guy is so successful. How did he win? And to be on the biggest stage in the world now. It doesn't make sense. No one ever thought he was a real contender, but here he is.

With all the scandal, how people think his ...

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