What do you call a row of 10 rabbits jumping backwards?

A receding hare line.

Apparently the British hated rows,

which was why they columnised so many places

A blonde is driving down the road when she spots another blonde in a row boat in the middle of a dirt field.

She pulls over, jumps out of her car and screams “You’re the reason us blondes get a bad name! I should swim out there and kick your ass!!”

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

Did you hear of the guy who won the dirty underwear contest 7 times in a row?

He was on a real winning streak.

You can say “was” five times in a row and have it still be grammatically correct.

Before was was was, was was is.

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

The first female president

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive,...

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Seamus is at the pub with a row of whiskey shots lined up in front of him, looking depressed as ever.

A newcomer to the small town, looking to make friends, sits down next to Seamus and asks him what's wrong.
 
Without looking at the newcomer, Seamus downs a shot and in his thick Irish brogue says "I've lived in this town me whole life. You see the sidewalk out front? I laid every brick with m...

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded do...

An old southern farmer is out one day with his dog repairing a fence row when suddenly part of it bursts into flames..

Wow I did not expect this post to blow up.

For the fifth year in a row, I was voted as the most inarticulate guy by my colleagues at work.

I can’t tell you what that means to me.

I just got kicked out of Karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” six times in a row.

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.

The rowing team

Yeshiva University had a rowing team, and every meet they came in dead last. Meet after meet, last, last, last. It was horrible. So they decided to send a spy to Harvard to see how they trained.

When the spy returned from Harvard the entire team gathered around to hear the report.

"Wel...

After watching Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

A prisoner is put to death row today.

A guard is tasked with operating the electric chair on a prisoner. He tries to lighten the mood by telling a joke to the prisoner, then he flips the switch.

The prisoner survives the shocks, and guard wonders what went wrong.

"Your joke had a decent premise," says the prisoner. "But th...

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An Irish family lives on a farm

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad...

I'm happy to announce that I've been sober for 40 days!

Not in a row or anything. Just total.

What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?

A cheesy pickup line.

What do you call the row of marquees that the director of Once Upon A Time in Hollywood put up in his back-yard in response to the global pandemic?

Tents in quarantine-o.

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.


Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own ...

A victim of bullying on death row

There was once a man who was bullied for looking sort of like a clown, with pale skin and a red nose. After years of being bullied by classmates and coworkers alike, he snaps and commits a homicide in the office he worked at.

For the murders of several people, he gets put on death row.
Aft...

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

What has 110 legs, 250 teeth, and an IQ of 500?

The front row of a Donald Trump rally.

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

I saw a dwarf goalie play two games in a row, and asked him, “Are you sore?”

He said, “Yes, I’m a little tender.”

What is the name of the elderly man that won three bingos in a row?

Jerry hat-trick ...

The madam opened the brothel door

to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. “May I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam. “No. I must see Valerie,” was the m...

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Jenny, who is blonde, is driving down the road through the countryside. As she is traveling, on the right hand side of the road she sees another blonde woman attempting to row a wooden boat in the middle of a field

Frustrated by this sight, Jenny pulls her car over to the side of the road by the field and gets out. She goes to the edge of the road and starts yelling at the woman rowing the boat.

"You dumb bitch! It's because of blondes like you doing stupid crap like this that makes the rest of us loo...

I was rowing down the creek with some friends last week, and I thought:

"Oars would be better!"

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A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"



The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"



The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.



When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.


...

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

What is the last meal request of a women as a death row inmate?

She is not decided yet.

Please give her some more time.

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Why can't women have sex more than 6 days in a row?

Because 7 days makes a hole weak.

Warden to guy on Death Row

Hey Fella, what do you want for your last meal??

Strawberries!

Warden responds... They’re out of Season

Then I’ll wait!

To teach me how to swim my dad rowed me out to the middle of a lake and threw me in.

The swimming was easy, it was the burlap sack that gave me a hard time.

Karma works in strange ways.........

My friend invited me on the opening of a charitable organisation for cancer. I sat in the front row and listened to the impressive speeches and had Good Buffet meal at the break. When the rest of the program finished and the Donation Box was being passed around, I sheepishly pulled out an old worn o...

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Well, it finally happened today, I knew it would eventually so I was ready.

I came out of Walmart with my mask on and keeping six feet away from everyone, I pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my face mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries into my car she says, "Let me guess - you're a liberal - ‘cause that ma...

Me and my wife had a huge row yesterday.

We love our new kayak.

A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife d...

death row

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.


As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one w...

My wife and I had a row and it finished with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees!

She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man."

A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural.

A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks: "Who here has seen a ghost?"
Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks: "Who here has spoken with a ghost?"

Half the audience puts up their hands. "And who here has touched a ghos...

A group of high level executives at a company decides to start a rowing team?

No matter how hard they try, though, they always end up losing against their rival firm. After months of humiliating defeats, they send one of their guys to spy on another team's practice session, hoping to discover their secret.

After returning, the spy reveals: "I found out how they keep on...

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Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

Two prisoners are on death row

And the day of their execution has come.

The warden turns the first prisoner and asks, "Any last requests?"

"I'd really like to hear the Macarena one last time," he replies.

The warden nods. "Very well. And you?"
he asks the second prisoner.

"Kill me first."

Guys I forgot to go to the gym today...

That makes 13 years in a row!

A comedian takes her friend to a joke-tellers' convention...

The comedian shows her friend the sign-up list for performers, then they grab their seats. The first performer walks out onto the stage, and says:

"16!"

He gets a few chuckles.

"5679!"

The crowd starts to laugh

"227!"

The crowd is in uproar, practically dryi...

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

Maria the Catholic

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.

After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.

A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finall...

What has 100 legs and seven teeth?

The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.

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Paddling down the river...

A Marine was lost in the Amazon. He managed to find a river with a canoe on the banks. He jumped in and started paddling down the river to find a settlement and a way home. As he was paddling, God was in Heaven watching him. God said to an Angel "Watch that Marine row. He has been going for 3 d...

A man and a woman hailed the same cab at the exact same time…

“Pardon me,” said the man. “You go ahead. I’m only going to the restaurant row. I’ll grab the next one.”

“Restaurant row?” the woman responded. “What a crazy coincidence! That’s where I’m headed as well. Maybe we can split the fare?”

“Oh, no thanks. I’m going to this little hole-in-the...

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My wife and I got into a heated row.

"I get it," I declared. "You think I'm an arsehole."

"No, I don't," she said. "Because arsehole's have a purpose."

Hey guys, my name’s Chad. I’ve been sober for 47 days now.

Not in a row or anything. Just... total.

Row row row your boat

Roll roll roll your joint. Twist it at the end. Take a puff and that's enough. Now pass it to a friend.

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Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak.

The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.”

The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days ...

I lost my job as a gym instructor because I tried to motivate a guy on the rowing machine

He didn't like being whipped

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A blond walks into a bar and orders a line of shots.

A blond walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment’s finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets her up, and the blond takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. She then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?...

"What part of the human body expands ten times normal size during periods of intense excitement?"

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

A man walks into a bar...

And tells the bartender "I want 12 shots, don't care what they are just make it 12 in a row!"
The bartender replies "12? Are you sure you want that much?"
The man repeats "I said what I said. 12 shots! Line em up!"
So the bartender pours a line of 12 shots, not sure what to expect. The man...

Yeshiva crew

A yeshiva decides to start a crew team. But no matter how much they practice, they lose every single race. Eventually they decide to send one boy down to the nearby prep school as a spy, to watch their winning crew team and find out what their secret is.

After a day of reconnaissance, the bo...

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously drunk man stumbles in.

"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man yells as he approaches.

The bartender pours all the drinks, the whole bar cheers, they all drink. The bartender hands the bill to the man, and he just shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me ton...

What did the death-row inmate say to the soft-spoken governor?

I beg your pardon.

A Polish guy went to the opticians...

... the doctor asked him:
“Could you cover your left eye and read the second row from the bottom please.”
“Sure” he replied and started reading...
“K R Z Y K A C Z”
And the he stops and says:
“ Can I read it? I know the guy!”

What did one death row tree say to the other death row tree?

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling too chipper”

A man sits down at his front row seats to the World Cup final.

He notices that the seat next to him is empty. He asks the person on the seat over, “who’s seat is this? Who would by tickets to the World Cup and not use them?” The man says “well actually, that was my wives, she just passed away, and we have been going to the World Cup every time since we were mar...

Would you like to hear a joke about prisoners who have been spending years in the death row?

Sorry, still having problems with the execution.

At the movie theater, a girl returning to her seat taps the shoulder of the man in the last seat in the row.

“Excuse me,” she says, “but did I step on your toe on the way to the bathroom?”



“As a matter of fact, you did,” says the man, expecting an apology.



“Oh good,” says the girl, “then this is my row.”

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A Baptist preacher, a Methodist preacher, and a Presbyterian preacher lived in the same small town.

The three were of similar age, and over the years, they and their wives became friends. All three retired within a few months of each other, and decided to rent an RV to drive across the country. Only a few days into the trip, they were in a horrible accident that killed all six of them.

The...

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A train conductor is on death row for derailing a train and killing 50 people.

For his last meal he requested a single banana. The next day the electric chair failed to kill him, so he was let go. He later committed the same dumb fuck mistake and killed 45. Same shit, different sentence, he asked for a banana, and didn't die in the electric chair so THEY LET THE CUNT GO. The s...

Two penguins are rowing in a desert

One says to the other, “ Where’s the paddle.”


The other replies, “Sure do.”

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in...

How to use “and” 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called “This And That” and hired another man to make a sign for it.

When it was finished the owner inspected the work.

He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, “The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it”

What do you call it when a kid is good for 365 days in a row?

Fantastic behaveyear!

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This is a robbery!

A man storms into a bank with a ski mask over his head and a shotgun.

"This is a robbery" the man shouts. "Open the vault!!"

The receptionist stands still looking at the robber questionably.

"We don't have any money here sir" the receptionist replies. "This is a sperm bank..."...

What do you call a row of bunnies replanting their garden?

A reseeding hareline.

Long... Three builders...

Three builders are working on top of a tall building and decide to break for lunch. First guy opens his lunchbox and sees a ham and cheese sandwich. "I'm sick and tired of ham and cheese sandwiches, that's two weeks in a row now with nothing but ham and cheese sandwiches, if I get this tomorrow I'm ...

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3.2 beer is like sex in a row boat

It’s fucking near water!

Why do New Zealanders always do well at rowing?

Because it combines the two things they are best at,
sitting down,
and going backward....

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

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The national nude marathon won by a woman for the twentieth year in a row.

In places 2 - 10 was a group of men with no regrets.

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I was really pissed when I saw a idiot trying to row his boat in a middle of completely dried out lake bed

If I knew how to swim I would have gone there smacked him one.

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A couple was having sex...

So this couple was having sex when all of a sudden the woman starts complaining that after the third time in a row, her vagina has become too sensitive and that she couldn't go on anymore.
Eager to continue and pragmatic as he is, the man immediately and with excitement suggests:

"Let's tr...

A guy is at a wedding looking for something to drink.

He looks around the main area for an open bar or something similar, yet he can’t find anything.

“Hmm weird” he thinks to himself, “you’d think they would serve drinks at these type of events”

Suddenly he realizes he just saw a guy with a drink in his hand, so he goes up to him and ask...

Joe was making his way through the crowd, trying to get to his front-row seat at the superbowl.

When he gets there he noticed as the game started the seat next to him was empty, so he thinks out loud "who would buy a front row seat and not show up wtf?" To which the man two seats over from him replies "that seat belongs to me, well my wife actually, but she passed away recently, we've been to ...

Why did the astronomer use two hams to row his boat?

He liked meaty oars.

I was having a row with my new girlfriend.

"You are same kind of a narcissist like all those other guys I dated, aren't you?" she yelled at me.

It's not true.

I am a much better narcissist!

Good ole little Johnny was sitting in class

The teacher drew a line with three birds on it up on the blackboard.



"Ok, class, there are three birds on a wire, if one of the birds falls off, how many birds are left?"



As she erases one of the birds on the blackboard, little Susie in the front row raises her hand and...

I’m going to tattoo a row of rabbits running away on the top of my head.

That way if I go bald everyone can see my receding hare line.

Is it possible to have the word ‘and’ five times in a row in an English sentence, while still being grammatically correct?

A man had just bought a pub, The Fox and Hound, and wanted a big new sign for it outside, so that potential customers would know that it was under new management and come a try it out.

So, he contracted a sign-maker to make the sign for him. A week later, the sign-maker came back to him with ...

Ten Boxers in a row....

That's it, the whole punch line.

A man takes his seat in the front row of the World Cup Final

He looks across and notices an empty seat between him and the next guy.

The man said, “Who would ever want to miss the World Cup?”
The other man replied, “It’s my wife’s spot, we have gone to the past 4 World Cup finals together but she died recently
The man asked, “I’m so sorry.. Where...

A Blonde On Death Row

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready ... Aim ..."

Suddenly the brunette yell...

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A farmer with one cow lives in a tiny farm with his wife, and three sons.

One morning he stepped outside to milk the cow, only to find it stiff and unmistakenably dead in its meadow. The farmer drops down in despair.

'How am I supposed to support my family without our only source of income?', he exclaims. In utter disbelief he walks to the shed, grabs his shotgun, ...

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

‘C Z W I M T O S T A C Z’

“Can you read this?” The optician asked.

“Read it?!” The Polish man replied. “I even know the guy!”

I never sit in the front rows at the movies

I always like to see the big picture.

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Two death row inmates are asked about their final wish before they're executed.

The first inmate says: "I want to hear the entire Journey to the Centre of the Earth album by Rick Wakeman one last time."

"Alright, we can do that", says the guard and he asks the second inmate what he wants.

"Well, in that case", the second inmate says, "can you execute me first?"

A paralyzed man got a new set of legs from a death row inmate.

Don't worry, the other guy got the chair.

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

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A man stands at a row of crowded urinals...

Into the silence, he says "So... I guess this is where the dicks hang out."

What's the only place where "What happens next will shock you!" isn't clickbait?

Death row.

A death row criminal was strapped onto the electric chair waiting for his execution

Executioner: Any last request?

Criminal: I just want to see one last clickbait article.

Executioner: What happens next will shock you.

My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard...

It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!

A man looks around the football stadium to find a good seat. He sees a man sitting next to an empty seat in the front row. He walks up to the man.

“Hello, I need a seat, is this one taken?”

“Not anymore, it’s was suppose to be my wife’s.”

“Why isn’t she here?”

“She died.”

“I’m sorry for your loss but why not give the seat to another family member or friend?”

“They’re all at her funeral.”

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