UPJOKE
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Kurt Jokes

Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?

Midlife Crisis.

[NSFW] Why can't you tell secrets to Kurt Cobain?

Because he'll go shooting his mouth off.

I found an old Kurt Cobain pic the other day

Talk about a blast from the past

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling

Kurt Cobain lived as a professional musician

...and died as an amateur painter.

Did you know that Kurt Cobain had dandruff?

They found his head and shoulders behind the couch.

What color was Kurt Cobain's eyes?

Blue. One blew this way, and the other blew the other way.

Kurt Cobain hated “Smells Like Teen Spirit” so much...

He killed the songwriter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Kurt Zouma and Wayne Rooney?

Kurt Zouma stays at home to smash pussy.

Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain really did have so much in common.

Because both were successful punk rockers, who are most well known for killing Kurt Cobain.

Justin Bieber has said, "I feel like the Kurt Cobain of my generation, but people just don't understand me."

By a curious co-incidence, Kurt Cobain, contacted in a seance, said, "I felt like the Justin Bieber of my generation, so I killed myself."

How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?

With a mop.

Kurt Cobain was an example of using opportunity.

He got his big shot, and didn’t miss.

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What did Kurt Cobain say when he went to his prostate exam?

"Here we are now, enter anus"

I like to think of Kurt Cobain as the ‘Michelangelo’ of Rock

Although he had a different approach to painting ceilings.

In the words of Kurt Cobain

Check this sweet no scope

What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobian's mind?

His teeth...

What do Kurt Cobain and Flint, Michigan have in common?

They both overdosed on lead.

TIL Kurt Cobain didn't have a license.

He preferred riding shotgun

Did you know Kurt Cobain constantly criticized other musicians and bands?

He was always shooting his mouth off.

What do Pink Floyd, Kurt Cobain and Princess Diana all have in common?

....all of their last hits were the wall

What did Courtney Love say before she shot Kurt?

"Hole is gonna be huge."

My two friends Rod and Kurt started a business the other day...

You should look it up, it's called Kurt and Rod's Curtain Rods.

What did Courtney Love say to Kurt Kobain after finding out he cheated on her?

*"I'll give you one more shot"*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unicorn hunting...

Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.

Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”

Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”

Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”

Kurt replied, “I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits ar...

"How do I reach Nirvana?"

First of all, Kurt's kind of hard to reach, and I don't think the rest really want to be bothered.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme

Courtesy of Kurt Vonnegut in Jailbird pg 184!

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

I’ve invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off.

I call it Kurt Cocaine.

The theme of my companies team building retreat this year was mindfulness. They asked each one of us to give two examples of an open minded person. They said there were no wrong answers but,

If your answer is author Ernest Hemingway and singer Kurt Cobain it gets you a meeting with HR.

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.


D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?



W: You loc...

What do you cal two guys with no arms and no legs on either side of a window?

Kurt n’ Rod

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

A compliment on someone’s intelligence...

‘You’ve got more brains than Kurt Cobains garage roof’

Why is cream more expensive than milk?

Because the cows hate squatting over the little bottles.

(This was one of Kurt Vonnegut's favorite jokes!)

You know what they say in Seattle, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes...

then shoot yourself in the face.


R.I.P. Kurt Cobain

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam is, naturally enough!



(shoot him Kurt)

Rock and Roll Joke

Kurt Cobain dies and when he opens his eyes, he's in a big practice hall. Looking around he sees Cliff Burton tuning up, Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon warming up on microphones and adjusting their guitar straps to fit, and Jerry Garcia messing with his pedal steel guitar.
Kurt ambles over to Jerry...

What do you name a guy who rolls around in the leaves?

Russel

What do you name a guy with no arm or legs and sits in a hole?

Phil

What do you name twins who hang out around windows?

Kurt and Rod

What do you name a guy with no arms or legs and chills out in the water?

Bob

In Buddhism, people first die, then they attain Nirvana.

..Kurt Cobain did it the other way round.

Did you hear about the time Nirvana went on a road trip?

All I know about it is that Kurt called shotgun.

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

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A farmer with one cow lives in a tiny farm with his wife, and three sons.

One morning he stepped outside to milk the cow, only to find it stiff and unmistakenably dead in its meadow. The farmer drops down in despair.

'How am I supposed to support my family without our only source of income?', he exclaims. In utter disbelief he walks to the shed, grabs his shotgun, ...

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A fugitive sought shelter in the home of a women he knew.

Her living room had a cathedral ceiling, which is to say it went all the way up to the roof peak, with rustic rafters spanning the air space below.

She was a widow, and he stripped himself naked while she went to fetch some of her husband’s clothes. But before he could put them on, the polic...

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

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Music Jokes

Sharing some music related jokes :-

1. Q. What did George Michale sing at Elton John's wedding?
A. Don't let your son go down on me.

2. Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. The lead guitarist holds the light, & the world revolves ar...

The Consultant

A timeless lesson on how Consultants can make a difference.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he als...

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