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Reflects Jokes

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

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A man with a 25-inch long penis

goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long.

"Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do...

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An old Scot reflects on life decisions

An old Scottish man sitting in a pub. Drunk off his ass and rambling.
"You see that church across the street? I build that church with me own two hands, but no one walks the town proclaiming, 'oh, there goes Magnus, the church-builder'.
And you see these windows? I put these windows in with me...

I redid my entire house with mirrors...

You could say it really reflects who I am.

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

I'm rather ashamed to say I haven't cleaned my mirror in years.

It reflects badly on me.

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

Young Bill Gates asks wife for advice

Bill: Hey honey, what do you think I should call my new company? I need something that really reflects who I am.

His wife: I don't know sweety, what about Microsoft?

Obit

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read...

The moon is basically a walmart sun

it reflects the behavior of the original product, but it just isn't the same

For my cake day, here's the oldest joke in my email, sent to me in 1996.

In honor of my cake day, I'm sharing the oldest joke in my email archive, that was sent to me on September 17, 1996.



Three unrelated men happen to die on the same day and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says "Congratulations! You've all made it to Heaven. Now, de...

a moth goes into a pediatrist’s office

the pediatrist asks the moth, “what seems to be the problem?”

the moth responds, “My whole life is a mess. My marriage is in shambles, my daughter married this guy who I despise and who despises me, my son is a wretched failure, which only reflects my own failures.”

Understandably conf...

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A woman spots an attractive man in a bar.

"Hi", she says. "My name is Carmen"
"Well, that's a beautiful name" he replied, "Is it a family name?"
"No," she said. "I gave it to myself as it reflects the things I like most - cars and men"
"What's your name?" she asked.
"BJ Titsbeerngolf" he replied.

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A priest is trying to understand why people do bad things.

The priest decides to call a meeting with his 3 nuns to discuss people's motivations. Ultimately they realize that they don't know very much about this topic and that it is necessary to go out into the world and do some "bad" things. The priest instructs each nun to go out and do "bad" things and co...

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A woman scanned the guests at a party...

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. ...

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