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Premeditated Jokes

A drunk driver is being interrogated

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..

Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car...

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty to the charge of premeditated murder

Frankly I don't think he's got a leg to stand on.

What's the difference between hot blooded manslaughter and cold blooded premeditated murder

A few degrees.

I never plan anything I do in my life.

I don't want any of my crimes to be considered "premeditated ".

A joke for the cerebral...What do you call it when a bunch of crows agree to meet later?

Premeditated murder.

What do you call it when you kill a yoga teacher before a session?

Premeditated murder

Yoga instructor killed one of his clients.

The murder was premeditated.

My uncle killed a monk in training

It was premeditated

What type of crime do monks commit?

Premeditated murder

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortions are illegal in 2 states

Sex without conception can become premeditated attempted murder.

I don't like to talk, or even think, about my wife dying.

That way the lawyers can't use the word "premeditated."

I don't like making plans for the day

Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.

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