New Jersey Jokes - 55 Hilarious New Jersey Jokes

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An elderly Italian man in New Jersey...

An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,...

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How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?

Fuckin-A, Fuckin-B, Fuckin-C...

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

BREAKING NEWS! A hurricane has just hit New Jersey...

It has inflicted about $25,000 worth of improvement.

If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware ?

I dunno, Alaska.

Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey had the first pick.

Thinking about opening up a sperm bank in New Jersey.

Gonna call it: "Get a load of this guy over here!".

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey :(

Nothing happened there. I just feel bad for anyone who has to live in New Jersey.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods

when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just tak...

New Jersey ranks highest in depression and marital infidelity

It's a sad state of affairs

Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw)

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Har...

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey

Hobo Ken.

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now

New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey.

What’s the top halloween costume worn in New Jersey?

A gaba-ghoul

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So there's this terrible shipwreck, with only three survivors - a French guy, a British guy, and a guy from New Jersey.

So there's a terrible shipwreck, and there are only three survivors that wash up onto a desert island - a French guy, a British guy, and a guy from New Jersey. They're immediately captured by cannibals and spend days locked in a cage, awaiting their fate. Finally the Chief of the cannibals comes t...

I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car.

It worked tirelessly.

Why is everyone in New York depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey

What are two things you don't pick up in New Jersey?

The trash and the women.

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A man with a dog walks into a bar in New Jersey.

He says to the barman, "This dog can talk." The bartender replies, "What? Get outta here." The man with the dog then says, "It's true, I promise!" The bartender decides to see if there is anything to this and says to the man, "Tell you what, if you can prove that the dog talks I'll give you free...

Why do people drive so fast in New Jersey?

So as to get the f\*ck out of New Jersey.

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

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There once were two airplane mechanics from New Jersey...

... Who were also drinking buddies.

One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.

"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."

"Well," replied Pau...

If Miss. Issippi, gave Miss. Ouri, her new jersey, what would Dela wear?

I don't know, but AL ask.

My friend was bitten by a Great White at a New Jersey beach.

Well, he actually used the phrase "Superior Aryan." Either way he was one crazy skinhead.

Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey?

A few billion dollars worth of improvements

Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?

The swim-fast diet.

How do you kill a vampire from New Jersey?

With a New York steak.

I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors

I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome

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Jersey Girl

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body like New Jersey."

So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "What's this?"

She replies "Middlesex."

He grabs her butt and asks "what's this?"

She replies “Freehold.”

Then he g...

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Jersey must be a real shithole

If New Jersey was meant to be an improvement.

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

What does Pennsylvania wear to protect itself from the cold sea?

New Jersey.

What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker?

A hockey team showers after 3 periods.

I asked my father for advice with my girlfriend. He told me to kiss her where it smells

So I took her to New Jersey

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

Albert Einstein's final words

Lying on his death bed at Princeton Hospital in New Jersey, Einstein starts to write letters to his family, friends and work colleagues.

The first letter writes: "To my children, know that I am ready to die. I have lived a good and meaningful life and I wish to fade into what comes next eleg...

If Al Abama wore Miss Issippi's new jersey to the party, what will Mary Land wear?

I dunno, Al ask a.

TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.

No new New Jersey jersey.

Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?

New Jersey

Teams always get fresh uniforms for the Super Bowl.

They come from New Jersey.

A fun little hike

Mississippi asked Missouri “What did Delaware?” She replied, “Idaho, but Alaska”. Turns out she wore her New Jersey.

Where’s the best place in America to shop for a football kit?

New Jersey!

New York asked the CDC for 100,000 COVID test kits

"10,000 test kits?!" says the CDC, "We don't have 1,000 test kits! What do you need 100 test kits for? Here's 10 test kits, and split 'em with New Jersey."

What did Delaware?

Idaho, Alaska........ She wore her New Jersey.

(this was a dad joke decades before they were called Dad jokes.)

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Getting Old

An older couple is driving down to Florida from New Jersey for the winter. The old lady, who has lost much of her hearing, is pulled over at the Florida state line for driving at a high rate of speed.

The officer approaches the vehcile, looks in and asks the lady, "do you know that I clocked ...

If Kyrie Irving goes to the Nets

Does he get a New Jersey?

I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal

It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.

I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said "OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"

...so I drove her to New Jersey.

A senior citizen’s group charters a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City

As they entered New Jersey, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says “I’ve just been molested!

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that ...

Friar's Flower Shop

Two brothers, Joey and Jimmy Bagadonuts, owned a flower shop in a small town in New Jersey, and business was great. They were the only game in town, until one day, two friars moved in across the street and opened their own flower shop. Having higher quality flowers, as well as the religious aspect, ...

As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs

Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.

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A 2nd Grade Teacher was Fired Today /DryHumor

A superintendent, school principal, vice principal, and New Jersey Department of Education are touring the elementary school for their annual walkthrough.

The hallways buzz about as they pass classroom after classroom, a living collage of Language Arts lessons, Social Studies, sing songs edut...

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

A priest dies...

And goes to heaven. There's a small queue to get in, and when he gets to be second in line, he overhears St. Peter asking some basic questions to the man in front of him, like what's your name/ occupation, and where are you from? They guy in front of the priest is wearing tight fitting, torn black c...

George and Lou are enjoying a leisurely round of golf at their luxury retirement resort in Florida.

George says, "Lou, I've got to come clean. You know when I moved to this resort I told everyone I was a successful restaurateur in New Jersey? Well, the fact is, I ran a lunch cart for the last 50 years, never made any money, and it burned down. Insurance company settled with me for $500,000. I so...

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