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Pees Jokes

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow on the Red Square.
The KGB immediately starts an investigation, the results are in the next day:
\- Comrade Brezhnev, be strong. Our doctors confirmed the urine belongs to comrade Gromiko.
Brezhnev defeatedly leans back in his chair. ...

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.


The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.


Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever c...

I got kicked out of the pool for peeing in it. I said "what's the big deal? everybody pees in the pool"

They said "maybe, but not from the diving board"

What kind of pirate pees on you?

Rrrrrrrr Kelly

A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.

When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.

The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.

"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"

"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
<...

"Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool."

"But everyone pees in the pool!"

"Yes, but not from the diving board."

What do you get when a Smurf pees on your lawn?

Bluegrass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young Virgin Couple

A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other about it.

Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father.

"Pop, what do I do first?"

"Get naked and climb into bed," his father...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really want to become best friends with someone who pees on toilet seats

So one day they will invite me over and I can piss all over their toilet seats.

The dehydrated pirate had no pee

So he was irate

There is a game show where the person who pees the farthest wins. Guess the name of the game show.

" Urine It To Win It "

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it pees?

Because the p is silent.

What do you call it when a ghost pees on another ghost?

A ghoulden shower

Peeing in the Shower

My wife screamed at me peeing in the shower. I told her that everyone pees in the shower. She responded, "Yeah, but I'm trying to take a bubble bath."

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1.


I'll show myself out now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.

The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"

The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?"
The professor is surprised, but st...

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