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Peeing Jokes

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At age 4, success is... not peeing in your pants

At age 12, success is... having friends

At age 17, success is... having a driver's licence

At age 25, success is... having

At age 35, success is... having money

At age 45, success is... having money

At age 55, success is... having

At age 65, success ...

Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"

Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."

I got caught peeing in the pool by the lifeguard.

I was so frightened, I almost fell in.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

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"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee.

"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day waiting for the arrival and nothin...

Exasperated, she asked her spouse "Please stop peeing in the shower, it's gross."

He frowned, retorting defensively "Oh come on, hun! It's not that big a deal. A bunch of people pee in the shower. It just washes down the drain..."

She sighed before offering a compromise. "Fine, but can you at least not do it while I'm the one taking a shower?"

I got kicked out of the pool for peeing in it. I said "what's the big deal? everybody pees in the pool"

They said "maybe, but not from the diving board"

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Two boys were peeing up a wall, the first boy looks at the second and says "Why does your thing look different than mine?"

The second boy says " I've been circumsized "
And the first boy asked "What's that?"
the second boy replies " Well on the day I was born they cut the skin off"
The first boy says " Oh my god! Did it hurt"
And the second boy replies " DID IT HURT!! I couldn't walk for eighteen months!!"

Hey, do you remember that 90's boy band which advocated for a way to save water while peeing?

It was called "in sink" or something like that.

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I was peeing at a truck stop...

And was standing between 2 other guys. Their peeing sounded a bit odd, so I looked to my left.

The guy on my left had 2 streams of pee. “What happened?”, I asked.

“A piece of grenade shrapnel in my head in Iraq”, the guy replied, “and now I have 2 pee holes.”

As I heard eve...

A German man is peeing in the bushes when an American sees him.

The American says: “Eww, gross!”

The German man replies: “Danke.”

What do you say to someone having difficulty peeing?

Urine trouble

My wife yelled at me for peeing in the shower last night.

Probably should’ve waited till she got out first.

Which legendary soul singer had trouble peeing?

Urethra Franklin

When in comes to peeing, on a scale of one to ten...

You're an eight!

What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it?

Urination

A german guy was peeing on a wall in public. A girl passed by.

Girl: Gross

German guy: Thanks!

What do you call a peeing magician?

A wizard.

I got told to leave the public baths once for peeing in the water.

I was so shocked I nearly fell in the pool.

“I see,” says the blind man peeing into the wind,

“it’s all coming back to me now.”

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My wife gets mad at me for peeing in the shower.

I keep explaining to her it's the best way to break the poop up into smaller pieces, so it goes down the drain. She just doesn't understand.

A man REALLY has to pee

He walks into the restroom of a venue and stands in front of a urinal.Suddenly he hears a weird sound and looks to his side. There hee sees another guy peeing but with two streams!

Intrigued. He asks how that's possible, two streams! The other guy looks up and explains he’s a veteran and by b...

Peeing in the Shower

My wife screamed at me peeing in the shower. I told her that everyone pees in the shower. She responded, "Yeah, but I'm trying to take a bubble bath."

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, ! The light goes on. When I’m done, ! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

A telephone technician gets his wiener bitten by a rattlesnake while peeing on a bush.

He and his coworker where fixing some phone lines in a remote location, far from the city.

His coworker, not knowing what to do, climbs to the top of the telephone pole, connects his service telephone to the wires and calls 911.

The guy on the pole: "Hello, emergencies? My coworker was...

I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it

The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.

"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.

"But not while standing on the diving board!"

What happens if a cop catches you peeing outside?

Urine trouble.

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Peeing with a

One of the hardest things ever

When you sneeze while peeing

Your body takes a screenshot

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Peeing with a isn’t impossible...

It’s just a little hard.

Two students, both 5 year old kids are peeing inside the male toilet.

Boy 1: Hey, what's wrong with your pee-pee?

Boy 2: What do you mean?

Boy 1: It doesn't look like mine, why is there no skin thingy?

Boy 2: Oh, i was circumcised when i was 2 days old. The doctor removed the skin.

Boy 1: (Grimacing) Oww, was it painful?

Boy 2: Painf...

Peeing is like your future

Except clearer, and there's no question it's going down the drain.

A guy sees his friend is peeing in the pool...

And says, "hey buddy, why are you peeing in the pool!?"

"What do you mean? Everyone does it"

"Yeah, but not from the top of the ladder!"

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What’s the difference between shameful and peeing after ages?

One makes you go (sigh... unzip) and the other makes you go (unzip... sigh)

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A man went to his doctor because he had trouble peeing...

He complained about how he had to struggle to even get a few drops out. Frowning for a brief moment, the doctor assures him that a simple surgery would fix the problem.
The next day, the man returns to the hospital for the surgery and the doctor proceeds, the only issue being that the man's testi...

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I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady

She kept yelling, "I'm peeing in here!"

What a .

What did Archimedes say after peeing in his bath?

Urethra! Urethra!

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup.

Fifteen minutes later, the doctor says,"Your health is good physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"

The old man replies,"Me and God are tight. We are in a real connection. He has even fixed my eyesight for me! Whenever I go to the bathroom to pee, the light turn...

"Madam, Please ask your son to stop peeing in the pool!"

"Oh, But everyone pees in the pool! Are you saying you haven't?"



***'Not from the Diving board!!!"***

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Sometimes peeing feels better than .

It lasts longer too.
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