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Nutritionist Jokes

My nutritionist showed up at my door unannounced!

I didn’t ‘vitamin.

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A virgin nutritionist goes on a first date with a handsome guy

After a few glasses of wine, she whispers in his ear "i want to try anal tonight ..i have a feeling that i will really enjoy it"

The Guy couldn't hide his happiness and whispers back "ok sweetheart, we will buy some lube on our way back to my place".

The girl finishes her last sip of t...

A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy

Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this...

I got dumped by a woman that was a nutritionist.

She said, "Come back to me when you know what's good for you."

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.

"You'll be a nutritionist!" I told my son.

"If you know what's good for you."

A man comes home for his nutritionist appointment.

He tells his wife, "These doctors need to get their act together. This one told me stay away from chips, but the other one told me to get the vaccine."

A nutritionist tells an anorexic patient, "You are what you eat."

The anorexic person yells back in an offended tone, "So you're saying that I'm nothing?!"

A woman wants to lose some weight

A woman wanted to lose weight so she joined a gym. She hired the best personal trainer the gym had.

After a few months of working out with him she still had not lost any weight. The trainer believed it was because she was still eating unhealthy at home. He suggested she hire a nutritionist t...

What should you do if a nutritionist knocks on your door?

Vitamin!

(Note: this only works with an American accent).

What do a nutritionist and a final boss in a video game have in common?

They both enjoy a full health bar.

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