Array Jokes - 39 Hilarious Array Jokes

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

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[NSFW] What is the difference between a circus and a stripper club?

One is an array of cunning stunts . . .

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I decided to brighten the neighborhood by planting an array of dildos over my boundary wall...

My neighbor is livid but his wife is still on the fence

What's the difference between cellular mitochondria and a home's rooftop solar array?

One is the powerhouse of the cell. The other is the power cell of the house.

Where do pirates store their computer data?

In an ARRay.

I finally discovered why my program kept crashing: I had a pointer that walked off the end of a char array.

It entered uncharred territory.

What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?

[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]

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My daughter showed me her Math homework and told me she didn't get arrays.

I told her I didn't get a raise either because my boss is a cheap bastard.

A man hasn’t been to church for a long while and decides he’d better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he’s amazed to find that it’s got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he’s looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, “Father, forgive me, it’s a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, “Get out,you idiot. You’re on my side.”

Annual "How to Avoid Array Overflowing" seminar will be held

at Febuary'29

I, being an Irish Catholic, decided it was time to cleanse my soul.

I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.

Inside, I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array...

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

What do programmers want from their bosses?

Arrays

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A man with an itch goes to a house of ill repute. He walks in and is greeted by a seedy looking man with a vast array of keys behind him...

“I have $100, what will that get me?” Asks the client.

Grabbing a key behind him the proprietor turns around and tells the man, “second floor, down the hall, third door on the right.”

After a bit the man passes by on his way out the door and tells the proprietor, “that was the best sex...

What’s the difference between Cirque de Soleil and the Mustang Ranch?

Cirque de Soleil has a cunning array of stunts, while the Mustang Ranch has a stunning array of .....

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

I got stabbed at the flea market.

I thought it would be fun to take my son to the flea market to see the wide array of commodities being sold.

"Oh, look! There's an ice cream man!" My boy exclaimed. So we walked up to the ice cream booth and I said: "Hey there ice cream man!". And then we ordered a couple cones.

Next...

After a long day at a conference a group of weary professionals met up at a famous bar.

After much discussion of the awesome array of gins, vodkas, whiskeys, wines, imported beers and ales, everybody ordered alcohol except for one guy. He ordered a cup of coffee.

One of his companions asked him "no offense, but why aren't you drinking?" The coffee drinker said, "I'm a recover...

A fighter pilot finishes refueling from a refueling plane.

The fighter pilot, feeling superior, gets on the radio and tells the refueling pilot to watch this. The fighter pilot goes through an array of aerial acrobatics. Tight twists, loops, and s-curves. He gets back on the radio and tells the refueling pilot he must be jealous cause his plane cant do that...

["Hip", "Hip"]

Hip Hip Array

An astronaut lands on an alien world.

Once upon a time an astronaut landed on an alien world. The world was full of trees and plants and wildlife. But one species in particular caught his eye. Short and round with huge feet, they were kind. They sang songs all day, drank, and made merry. After observing them from afar for many days, the...

What do pirate parrots say?

Polly wanna kraken!

(Amongst a large array other parrot-related sounds)

Did you know groups of bats can power things?

They’re called bat-arrays

Why did the programmer talk to his boss?

Because he wanted arrays

Why did the programmer quit his job?

He didn't get arrays...

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Delivering the male (my cake day contribution)

It was John's last day delivering the mail. He had been doing so for 4o years and was about to retire.

Most of the families greeted him warmly and handed him an envelope presumably with a small monetary gift inside.

But when he arrived at the Jones' house the woman there pulled him ins...

cue cantina music

A Jedi walks in to a bar. Having just returned from a great struggle, he and his companions are thirsty for strong refreshments. The Jedi leans over toward the bartender and says, "I want you to pour out a drink from every bottle except those three."

As he begins pouring a vast array of sho...

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Did you hear the one about the guy on the toilet with all the buttons??

He looked at the array of buttons in bewilderment as he finished his business. He sees one labeled “WW”and decides to test it out. He pushes the button and warm water gently shoots out and washes his rear. Delighted, he moves onto one labeled “WA”. He pushes it and warm air flows from the toilet and...

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The Sex Shop

There's a sex shop worker, and while he's working the counter alone, a caucasian woman walks in. She looks at the array of dildos and says, "How much for the white dildo?" The guy says, "$90". She looks a bit further and says, "How much for the black one?" He says, "$90, black or white, we don't...

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

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Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

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Surprising horse

A couple from London, John, Sarah and their 6 year old son Jimmy, win £8 million on the lottery and they decide to fulfill their lifelong dream - to quit the rat race and buy a farm with animals in the countryside.

They eventually find the property of their dreams and make arrangements to bu...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by the enemy army

The army is on the move, keeping the prisoners in their forced march. They get to a river, but their raft has a large hole in it. In the war-torn field, there is nothing to fix the boat, so they decide to mend it with the bodies of the prisoners.

In a moment of mercy, the army general deci...

A man is pulled over by a rookie cop...

When the cop approaches the window, the man produces his papers then says “I’m sure you’re going to ask about the body in the trunk since you obviously smell the weed.” The cop nearly fell back, but before he could utter a word, the man said “just be careful, the knife is under my seat.” The rookie...

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...

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A man walks into a hardware store...

you know the type, the independent store that barely survives and sells EVERYTHING, but rarely has a customer, how they are still trading is a miracle. Anyway, the man approaches the counter and asks the shopkeeper "I need a budgie file".

"A budgie file?" The shopkeeper muses out-loud, "not h...

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The Voo Doo Dick Joke!!! (NSFW)

I think maybe alot of people have heard this, but i did a search on jokes and didn't see it, so for those who haven't, enjoy.

EDIT: K, before anyone says anything, i googled this and found that user sean7755 actually posted his own version of this first, so no offense to him, and i'll leave ...

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