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Parenthood Jokes

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

I got fired from my job at Planned Parenthood

My boss didn’t like me saying “Takeout or delivery?” whenever someone walked in the door

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

Parenthood

Parenthood is when the word “Daddy” regains it’s innocence.

Preparations for parenthood.

Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.

Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
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Planned Parenthood as a train:

Conductor: “All Aboorrttttttt!”

Preparations for parenthood - dressing and feeding.

New parents: feeding and dressing your toddler is not as easy a skill as it looks. It takes a lot of practice, so here are a couple tips to get you started.

To practice dressing a small child, first you need to get a string bag (like the kind you carry soccer balls). Then go to ...

One of the joys of parenthood is snuggling into your child's bed with them when there's a thunderstorm to make sure they aren't frightened...

Although my daughter has started hinting that she and her husband can manage perfectly well on their own.

Happy birthday to both reddit and planned parenthood...

My favorite two things keeping me from getting a girl pregnant.

What do you call Planned Parenthood locations in Eastern Europe?

a-borsch-tion clinics

Our local planned parenthood refuses to provide homeless women with abortions.

They say beggars can't be choosers.

Did you hear the president of Planned Parenthood was fired after just eight months?

I mean, that was close! Can you imagine if they allowed her to reach full term?

What would you call Laura Croft if she worked at Planned Parenthood?

Womb Raider

If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO

<badumpa>

What do you call it when two flowers have a child?

Plant parenthood.

Where do bees learn about pollination?

Plant Parenthood.

Where does the gardener go to get rid of her unwanted flowers?

Plant Parenthood

What is the worst STD of all?

Parenthood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do plants go after having sex for the first time?

Plant Parenthood

A Gardener who doesn’t want to keep his plants

What do you call a Gardener who doesn’t want to keep his plants?

Plant parenthood.

If you want to keep unwanted people out of America,

Instead of building a wall, don't defund Planned Parenthood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman was shot three times in the stomach.

She was pregnant with triplets, two girls and a boy, and each one was hit with a different bullet. Sadly, the mother died and the burden of parenthood was left to the father, all alone. About ten years later one of the girls came up to their father and said "Daddy, I was weeing and a bullet came out...

Every time a character in a TV Show says “another round please” they’re immediately handed a drink by an attentive bartender.

But every time I do it all they say is:

“For the last time, I’m not a bartender. This is planned parenthood. You need to leave.”

Like okay! I get it I’m not rich and famous!

Pro-life or Pro-choice?

I'm really unsure how to feel about planned parenthood and abortion. I mean, on one hand I'm all for killing babies but on the other I don't like giving women a choice.

Damn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I drive an old car with shitty locks

and I locked my keys in it outside a mall. I've done this before, and know exactly what to do, so I went to the nearest store and asked if they had a coat hanger I could borrow. They don't find that amusing in Planned Parenthood centers.

A rite of passage

Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the condom breaks. They...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist....

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist who was, in 1792, considered one of the country’s chief ornithologists. Credited with discovering and describing over 200 different bird species, he spent most of his life hopping from island to island, describing the wildlife, and moving to...

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