Born and bred in Manhattan Larry and Gene left the city to buy a cat cattle ranch in Wyoming.

Months later a friend flew out for a visit, “so what did you name the ranch,”he asked.

“At first we couldn’t agree on anything”said the new cowboy, “we finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch”

Wow! his friend was impressed but looking around h...

Genes are like grandparents

We all have them and hopefully our parents don't share them.

Scientists have discovered the gene for shyness

They stated that it could have been discovered years ago, but it was found hiding behind two other genes...

What does a biologist wear on a first date?

Designer Genes

Why did the recessive gene decide to enter genetic therapy?

It wanted to learn how to express itself.

Some people say Gene is good

Others say he is a Hack, man!

Q: How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?

A: Pull down their genes!

Damn girl are you messenger ribonucleic acid?

Cuz you unzip my genes.

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was shocked to see his health,
Asked--
'What is the secret of your good health ....?'

- 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health. '

Doctor - 'Okay, but can I ask you how ...

I once seduced a woman by telling her I'd sequence her DNA

but I stopped at first base when she told me what I'd find in her genes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had a wank in a pool earlier,

call it a gene pool.

I reckon I have a lucky gene for russian roulette

My grandad played all the time and he only lost once.
I'll bet my life on it.

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

My mom said that my dad told too many puns and dad jokes. She said “you have your fathers genes”

I said his jeans are too big for me

A young boy and his father are watching the news...

President Trump comes on to address his Covid-19 situation starting with the upcoming debate. "They are trying to make the debates virtual because they think I am contagious! I'm not contagious! I am a perfect physical specimen! I can't be contagious. I have great genes! I am not contagious, believe...

I accidentally swallowed some poison last night, and I had the strangest hallucination.

I was looking out of my window, and a group of former athletes walked by. Baseball players Don Mattingly, Pete Rose, and Ray Knight we’re talking with Konrad Dorn, an Austrian hockey player. Football superstars Troy Aikman and Emmett Smith were carrying guitars.

Next, a group of men from the ...

Doctor: your dad is not with us anymore

Me: damn

Doctor: He’s at a different hospital

Me: oh ok

Doctor: dead

Me: damn

Doctor: I mean my phone. I have to go charge it.

Me: Oh. I thought you meant-

Doctor: Well yeah, that too. He kicked the bucket.

Me: Really?

Doctor: He ...

A man walking in the Beach sees a lamp and out of curiosity, starts wiping it.

After wiping it and cleaning it. A gene comes comes. He looks at the sky and greets the person who was cleaning the lamp.

Hello there. I may grant you one wish.
The man says, what happens to three.
The gene says, one is all you get.

The man thinks hard Says.
My family...

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

Three men were stranded in a hot desert when suddenly a gene appeared!

The gene says: “I see you three have been walking in this hot desert for over a week and you’re almost out of food and water! I will give each of you one wish, and one wish only!”

The first man immediately shouts “Please teleport me home!”

And in an instant the man was teleported away...

What did Gene Wilder name his drug smuggling operation?

Charlie Up The Chocolate Factory

I come from a long line of alcoholics.

My gene pool has a swim-up bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the fastest way to find out the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down its genes.

What do Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do after an argument?

They KISS and makeup

What happens when musician Gene Simmons opens up a jewelry shop inspired by his Israeli heritage?

Family Jew-els :)

What part of the fridge do you keep the gene edited baby in?

The CRISPR

Should we eliminate psychopaths from the gene pool?

It might seem like a splendid idea, but as much pain and suffering these individuals put the rest of us through... We still need women for survival of the species.

Is being a sub a recessive gene?

Sure is hell ain't a dominant one.

What will Gene Wilder's last will and testament will say?

YOU GET NOTHING!

Yeah I'm going to hell.

So, this dude was walking down a beach and kicked a lamp, and a magic genie pops out.

The genie gives him the old "you freed me, so I will grant you a wish" thing that genies do. So the guy says "I love riding my motorcycle. I would love to ride it around the world. Can you build a highway that connects the entire world together?" The genie pauses for a moment, and with a look of...

The gene pool recently got cleaner,

it was a tide add all along.

How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar?

Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.

Scientists have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary....

It runs in your genes!

What happens every time Gene Simmons gets in a fight with his band mates?

They Kiss and makeup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a boy, Gene Wilder touched me

With his acting as Willy Wonka.

What do diarrhea and hair color have in common?

They both run in your genes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s not my fault that I shit my pants on a daily basis

It runs in my genes

What's the difference between Gene Simmons and the Titanic?

Only 425 women went down on the Titanic.

Did you hear about the guy with IBS?

Runs in his genes!

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.

The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."

The doctor says in reply "How do you suppose that would happen?"

"I'm sure it had something to do with those vaccines he got last year." said the mom....

Did you know that every frog used to have at least some polish genes?

In fact, they were a tad-pole.

Balding grizzles pass their genes to their offspring or...

Bare bears bear bare bears.

Scientists have discovered a Gene that makes women more receptive to threesomes

It's a recessive gene though, so both parents have to not love her for the trait to manifest.

Gene Therapy

The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder.

This is the place for wordplay, right?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.

They are skinny genes.

What is the smallest body of water in the South?

The gene pool.

What did one DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

One day a man is taking a shower in his family home. His dad walks in on him while he is drying off and notices his son is Huge.

The dad says: Holy hell son, where have you been hiding that thing?!

The son looks over to his pants lying on the floor and replies to his dad:
".....In my Genes."

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

Hey girl, are you missing your pants?

Because I can give you some of my genes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up family trees.
A gynecologist looks up bushes.

How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?

You remove them from the gene pool.

What is another way to say "Obesity runs in my family"?

"I don't have skinny genes."

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

Medical joke (short)

Scientists have found the gene that makes people shy. They found it hiding behind another gene.

Did you know lactose intolerance is a genetic thing?

Runs in the family.

My family has a chronic diarrhea problem.

I guess you could say it runs in our genes.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...

So I could unzip your genes

Story about Kenny Loggins

Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. Apparently he was part of a recent program to clone musicians and artists, to isolate and modify the genes responsible for creativity. There was a limit of the number of clones that could be created, and at one ...

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

An Indian scientist was collaborating with an American called Robert

Both of them being genetic researchers, they had reached a breakthrough in rice where a gene introduced would help it grow in the most adverse of conditions. They called it Victory gene, or V gene for short.

But Robert decided to steal the credit for himself, so he stole the v gene, and escap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are sitting at a bar. One says to another, "what do you do for work?"

He responds
"I work in gene therapy, exciting stuff, our last patient came in saying he could not please his wife, so we treated him with our cutting edge techniques. Now, he has a 10 inch penis! What about you?"
"Only about 7 and a half but my wife seems to like it"

What are your three wishes?

Me: Make all words 4 letters long.

Gene: Wish grnt

MeMe: Make alll word star with "ye"

Yene: Yesh Yent

Yeme: yeke yell yerd year yeth "et"

Yeet: Yeet Yeet

Yeet: Yeet Yeet Yeet

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

Evolution has its hand in

Everyone’s genes

Jack and Dave

Jack: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.

Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

A scientist and the Catholic Pope were eating lunch together while discussing the latest news in scientific discovery.

Scientist: Right now, my research team is working on trying to clone insects using gene-replicating techniques.

Pope: That is very interesting! How far have you come along with it?

Scientist: We have engineered the cloning process, now we are going to execute our next phase which is ex...

THIS IS A TRUE STORY

When I was in my tenth grade biology honors class, we were tasting a compound known as PTC. For those of you that don't know PTC is a chemical that you can either taste, super-taste or not taste at all and it depends entirely on genetics. I couldn't taste it but my tablemate Eric (made up name for p...

Dear anti-vaxxers

When we said remove yourselves from the gene-pool... we meant stop breeding, not make sure your kids died before they had the chance.

When I took off my sunglasses, my roommate said, "I thought you had blue eyes."

I replied, "Must have left them in my other genes"

Who is CRISPR's favorite actor?

Gene Hackman

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