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Every apple tree has instructions in its genetic code to make the base of the apple fruit

They're the *apple bottom genes*

A blond sits for a medical school entrance exam.

Needless to say, he failed.

These are his answers:

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of painting

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section - a district in Rome

Cat scan - searching for a lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow
...

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What's the fastest way to find out the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down its genes.

Why did the recessive gene decide to enter genetic therapy?

It wanted to learn how to express itself.

Some people say Gene is good

Others say he is a Hack, man!

Gene was at work one day and curiously asked his recently new co-worker, Claire, if she had any wishes for her weeding that weekend.

The only thing Claire had hoped for was for it to snow on her big day and that she would be devastated if it didn't happen.

2 weeks later, Claire arrived back at work happy as could be; talking with her co-workers about how perfect everything turned out.

Gene overheard her conversati...

I reckon I have a lucky gene for russian roulette

My grandad played all the time and he only lost once.
I'll bet my life on it.

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

I come from a long line of alcoholics.

My gene pool has a swim-up bar.

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

Scientists have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary....

It runs in your genes!

What do Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do after an argument?

They KISS and makeup

My mom said that my dad told too many puns and dad jokes. She said “you have your fathers genes”

I said his jeans are too big for me

They have just found the gene for shyness.

They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes

What do diarrhea and hair color have in common?

They both run in your genes.

What happens when musician Gene Simmons opens up a jewelry shop inspired by his Israeli heritage?

Family Jew-els :)

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do my Gene's make me look fat.

So, this dude was walking down a beach and kicked a lamp, and a magic genie pops out.

The genie gives him the old "you freed me, so I will grant you a wish" thing that genies do. So the guy says "I love riding my motorcycle. I would love to ride it around the world. Can you build a highway that connects the entire world together?" The genie pauses for a moment, and with a look of...

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My friend who is a sex addict says he loves camping.

I guess pitching tents is in his genes.

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It’s not my fault that I shit my pants on a daily basis

It runs in my genes

Did you hear about the guy with IBS?

Runs in his genes!

What did Gene Wilder name his drug smuggling operation?

Charlie Up The Chocolate Factory

Three men were stranded in a hot desert when suddenly a gene appeared!

The gene says: “I see you three have been walking in this hot desert for over a week and you’re almost out of food and water! I will give each of you one wish, and one wish only!”

The first man immediately shouts “Please teleport me home!”

And in an instant the man was teleported away...

How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar?

Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.

Should we eliminate psychopaths from the gene pool?

It might seem like a splendid idea, but as much pain and suffering these individuals put the rest of us through... We still need women for survival of the species.

Is being a sub a recessive gene?

Sure is hell ain't a dominant one.

What happens every time Gene Simmons gets in a fight with his band mates?

They Kiss and makeup

What will Gene Wilder's last will and testament will say?

YOU GET NOTHING!

Yeah I'm going to hell.

The gene pool recently got cleaner,

it was a tide add all along.

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When I was a boy, Gene Wilder touched me

With his acting as Willy Wonka.

Did you know that every frog used to have at least some polish genes?

In fact, they were a tad-pole.

I wish Gene Wilder was still alive today...

He'd probably be ecstatic knowing one of his oompa loompa's grew up to be president :')

What part of the fridge do you keep the gene edited baby in?

The CRISPR

What's the difference between Gene Simmons and the Titanic?

Only 425 women went down on the Titanic.

What is the smallest body of water in the South?

The gene pool.

One day a man is taking a shower in his family home. His dad walks in on him while he is drying off and notices his son is Huge.

The dad says: Holy hell son, where have you been hiding that thing?!

The son looks over to his pants lying on the floor and replies to his dad:
".....In my Genes."

Scientists have discovered a Gene that makes women more receptive to threesomes

It's a recessive gene though, so both parents have to not love her for the trait to manifest.

Gene Therapy

The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder.

This is the place for wordplay, right?

Hey girl, are you missing your pants?

Because I can give you some of my genes.

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.

The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."

The doctor says in reply "How do you suppose that would happen?"

"I'm sure it had something to do with those vaccines he got last year." said the mom....

Balding grizzles pass their genes to their offspring or...

Bare bears bear bare bears.

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A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

What is another way to say "Obesity runs in my family"?

"I don't have skinny genes."

How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?

You remove them from the gene pool.

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

What does chromosomes like to wear?

Genes.

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The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.

They are skinny genes.

Medical joke (short)

Scientists have found the gene that makes people shy. They found it hiding behind another gene.

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

Story about Kenny Loggins

Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. Apparently he was part of a recent program to clone musicians and artists, to isolate and modify the genes responsible for creativity. There was a limit of the number of clones that could be created, and at one ...

My family has a chronic diarrhea problem.

I guess you could say it runs in our genes.

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...

So I could unzip your genes

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up family trees.
A gynecologist looks up bushes.

What did the biologist wear on his first date?

Designer genes!

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

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Two men are sitting at a bar. One says to another, "what do you do for work?"

He responds
"I work in gene therapy, exciting stuff, our last patient came in saying he could not please his wife, so we treated him with our cutting edge techniques. Now, he has a 10 inch penis! What about you?"
"Only about 7 and a half but my wife seems to like it"

An Indian scientist was collaborating with an American called Robert

Both of them being genetic researchers, they had reached a breakthrough in rice where a gene introduced would help it grow in the most adverse of conditions. They called it Victory gene, or V gene for short.

But Robert decided to steal the credit for himself, so he stole the v gene, and escap...

What are your three wishes?

Me: Make all words 4 letters long.

Gene: Wish grnt

MeMe: Make alll word star with "ye"

Yene: Yesh Yent

Yeme: yeke yell yerd year yeth "et"

Yeet: Yeet Yeet

Yeet: Yeet Yeet Yeet

Did you know lactose intolerance is a genetic thing?

Runs in the family.

Evolution has its hand in

Everyone’s genes

Jack and Dave

Jack: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.

Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

Was watching the news the other night....

I couldn’t believe some of the boneheaded things happening in our world and I said out loud in disgust, “what a messed up gene pool!”

My blonde girlfriend overheard me in the other room and said, “where was the lifeguard?”

A scientist and the Catholic Pope were eating lunch together while discussing the latest news in scientific discovery.

Scientist: Right now, my research team is working on trying to clone insects using gene-replicating techniques.

Pope: That is very interesting! How far have you come along with it?

Scientist: We have engineered the cloning process, now we are going to execute our next phase which is ex...

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

THIS IS A TRUE STORY

When I was in my tenth grade biology honors class, we were tasting a compound known as PTC. For those of you that don't know PTC is a chemical that you can either taste, super-taste or not taste at all and it depends entirely on genetics. I couldn't taste it but my tablemate Eric (made up name for p...

Dear anti-vaxxers

When we said remove yourselves from the gene-pool... we meant stop breeding, not make sure your kids died before they had the chance.

Who is CRISPR's favorite actor?

Gene Hackman

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What do sex and DNA replication have in common?

You gotta unzip the genes first.

Everyone in my family has extremely skinny legs, so we all have to have our pants custom made. It's wicked expensive.

Damn skinny genes.

Marvel are developing a new super hero who has the ability to remotely edit people’s DNA.

He will be called “Gene Hackman”

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