what do you call a cat in outer space ?

# a Catellite

What do you call 3 billionaires going to outer space?

A good start.

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If you wish to visit Outer Space, you're an Astronaut

If you wish to visit Uranus, you're an Ass-tronaut

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What has 3 balls and floats through outer space?

E.T., The Extra Testicle

I wanted to buy the latest telescope so I could see outer space

but the cost was astronomical.

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Girl, you got me so into outer space

I can see my self in Uranus.

A man walks into a bar with a talking dog

He tells the bartender “my dog can talk!”

The bartender says “Oh yeah? Let’s hear him!”

He asks the dog “what is on top of a house?”

The dog says “roof!”

The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says “what is the outer covering of a tree called?”

The dog says “ba...

(Pun from my kid nephew): How do you have a party in outer space?

Planet

A guy with a face mask is leaning up against the outer wall of a Wells Fargo bank.

A police officer comes and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm holding up this bank," the man says.

"Very funny. Now move along."

The man walks away, and the bank falls down.

What do you get when you cross J.K. Rowling with outer space?

AstroTERF.

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

i had an outer body experience yesterday

i was beside myself

A C.O. noticed something on patrol. He called his shift lead to tell him a subject was climbing down a makeshift rope, from a hole in Q4 dorm's outer wall. The subject was male, aprox. 3' 8" in height, wearing orange. The shift lead laughed over the radio, asking if he was sure of the sighting.

The C.O. later stated, it was definitely a little con descending.

What type of currency do astronauts use while in outer space?

Starbucks

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Sirius B is moving towards us at 10 km per second at may get the latin name "tribulatio" ( trouble ) and may hit an outer the outer planet Uranus one day.

We have Sirius trouble in Uranus

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What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

What does a woman do in outer space?

Vacuum cleaning

What is it called when a Snake can’t change its outer skin anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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One night, two aliens descend from outer space...

...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps.
The little alien says
"Take me to your leader."
The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats
"Take me to your lea...

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What do you call a black guy in outer space?

An astronaut you racist bastard.

How did the first woman get into outer space?

Chuck Norris came.

Interview with the Pope and a Rabbi.

I am a reporter for a major monthly publication.
Generally I write human interest articles.
Last year I was given the privilege and granted an interview with the Pope.

Upon entering the Pope's office I was greeted warmly with a handshake and a hug.
The pope and I had an amazing conve...

Two aliens are observing Earth from their spaceship in outer space...

"This is interesting," says the first, "the biped species on this planet has developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

"Are they an emerging intelligence?" Asks the second alien, who looks exactly like the first.

"I don't know, they have them all pointed at themselves."

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Why is so difficult to have sex in outer space?

No atmosphere

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance.

Fake.

Credit - Daniel Tosh

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me.

I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

What do you call the Asian-Mexican master race from outer space?

Illegal Aryans

Been getting into snail racing

You know, snail racing!

You draw a small ring inside larger ring and everyone puts their snail inside the small ring and the first snail to reach the outer ring wins!

Been losing alot latley and been trying everything to make my snail faster, even tried taking off his shell.

But...

Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space?

Because he was scared of vacuums!

Where do you find evil artifacts from outer space?

At the Sithsonian.

A hole has been found in the outer wall of a nudist camp. Foul play suspected...

Investigators are looking into it.

Why is outer space so cold?

All the space heaters are on earth!

Why do dogs hate outer space?

Because they strongly dislike vacuums.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

Have you ever been to Lake McConaughy in Nebraska?

Great place to visit, I just got back from a trip myself. I've always loved hunting, fishing, boating, just being out in nature...and it's all there for you to enjoy! There's one thing you should know before you visit though, and I found out the hard way.

Early one morning I'd taken my boat o...

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

A fat old man looks at himself in the mirror.

His insecurity rises. He’s not the same man he once was. He’s an old chunk of coal. Why, in high school he was a major athlete- the football type. All the girls wanted him and everyone respected him. He was a hunk. As he stared into this mirror now a some odd fifty years later- the juxtaposition of ...

"Can you fit any more Milky Way Chocolate Bars into your desk drawer there, Jim?"

"Nope, all outer space."

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

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A poop walks into a bar.

He jumps up onto a bar stool and sits there for a moment, waiting to be served.

The barman spots the poop on the stool, looks around the bar and shouts, "HEY! How did this get here?!"

"Well, it's a long story... " says the poop, "basically, I woke up in the sewer last year and sudden...

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally...

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Black or white goat

TV ANCHOR INTERVIEWING A FARMER.

Anchor: what do you feed your goats?
Farmer: black one or white one?

Anchor: white one...
Farmer: grass.

Anchor: and black one??
Farmer: i give her grass too?

Anchor: where do they sleep?
Farmer: which one, black or white?
<...

A Christian priest, a Muslim priest and a rabbi are asked what method they use to give money with God and the community.

The Christain priest goes first. He draws a circle and throws all the money into the air. "Whatever falls into the inner part of the circle is mine, whatever falls on the outer side of the circle is God's and the communities.

The Muslim priest goes second. He draws a straight line and throws ...

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There once was an older couple who lived alone on a farm.

One day, the couple is visited by aliens from outer space.

Aliens: “For many years, we have studied and learned all there is to know about Humans. Everything, except what goes on in the bedroom. Would you be willing to sleep with us, for science?”


The husband and wife talked it ov...

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A priest and his buddy are having a shooting competition down at the range...

The priest went first. He aimed his rifle and shot at the target, hitting a perfect bullseye. His friend went next, aimed, and fired way off course, missing the target completely. He angrily exclaims, "Shit, I missed!"

The priest, upon hearing this, warns his friend, telling him "You better w...

I had this phone conversation the other day.

Me: “Consider this: like, right now, as we speak, there are human beings, like you and me, living in outer space. How crazy it is that we, as the human race, have collectively gathered the resources and technology required to haul dozens of tons of materials, entire habitats, up 350 thousand kilomet...

If you want to prevent pregnancy use two condoms and...

Fill chille powder in between. If outer one breaks she will know if inner one breaks you will know..

Do you know The perfect system to avoid condom accident ?

The perfect system to avoid condom accident,
use double condom with chilly powder in between,
if outer breaks she will know ,
if inner breaks u will know.

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A woman went to the doctor...

A woman went to the doctor with, from her perspective, a huge problem. She had always been ashamed of her private parts; her over-sized outer labias. They made her vagina look like an overweight camels mouth. One day, she couldn't take it anymore and went to the plastic surgeon to minimize them.
...

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Ain't no one fucks with ol' chinese men.

A man was hiking, and suddenly he stumbled upon a little house. From the house came an old chinese man, who greeted him and said "you must be tired. Feel welcome to eat and sleep in my house for the night. But there's one thing: If you sleep with my daughter, then i shall punish you three times."...

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True Story

When I was going to college (in eastern european country), the dorms had only one toilet and they were locked after midnight. One night my friend wakes me up saying that he has stomach issues and cannot hold it in. We go to the window in the corridor and he puts his ass out of the window and eases h...

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