One of the best I've ever heard: "The Graveyard Couple"
Mr. and Mrs. Thompkins, who've been very happy together for 12 years, currently, are experiencing a phase of boredom and stagnation. To change things up, Mr. Thompkins gets an idea: Have sex in a near-by graveyard.
With a mix of reluctance and excitement, Mrs. Thompkins agrees and they go off...
I was sending letters to a kid with cancer
I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.
It’s 1975 and a zebra from the Bronx zoo dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
St. Peter said "That's a question only God can answer.”
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked "God, please - I must know... am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
God simply replied "You are what you are.”
My son was kicked out of elementary school for getting a handjob from a girl in his class
So i told him: "Son, this is the third time this year, if you don't straighten out, you will lose your teacher license!"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Damn women drivers!
This morning on the highway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman In a brand new Cadillac doing 65 kms with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds... to continue shaving... and when I looked back she was halfway over in m...