UPJOKE
oilpetroleumfuelgasturpentineresinattarlinolenic acidlubricantoileroilypetrolkerosenegasolineoctane

I'm in my 40's and have never used essential oils in my life...

...which makes me think they're not really essential at all

What essential oil works best for getting rid of people?

Pepper spray

As much as these Karens talk about their essential oils

They sure do want nonessential businesses to reopen

What's everyone's favorite essential oil?

As an American, I've gotta say petroleum

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Essential oils are bullshit.

I've drank three bottles and now I have a headache AND diarrhea.

I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.

Worst french fries I've ever had.

They said essential oils would solve all my problems.

I tried it but my car still won't start.

Essential oils

I told my wife that I have a headache, she says to rub this essential oil on my forehead. So I do. After a few hours my wife asked “is your headache gone?”

I replied “nope.......you’re still here!”

I have now survived 21,364 days and 13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale.

Thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.

She's an essential oil worker now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Instead of trying to determine what is fake news, people should just use a trustworthy source that is known for its accuracy and high content standards.

Personally, I get my news on Facebook, because the reporters always provide all the facts and live their ideals.

It is efficient, too. For example, in less than 5 minutes this morning, I found 9 essential oils that can cure me of my sexuality, discovered that those vaccines I had 20 years ago...

Olive oil sale prohibited during COVID-19 lockdown

Only essential oils can be bought.

Did you hear Karen’s dead?

America heard she had essential oils

A Taxi driver walked into a bar

"Anyone here call a taxi?" He asked

"Over there" replied a stern voice.

The Taxi driver turned his head to see a gruff old man pointing to a young fellow in his thirties snoozing at a table.

The taxi driver walked over to the young man and saw a note next to his head.

...

I think my mechanic is an antivaxxer

He gave me essential oils for my broken car.

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The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head.

Mama asked the mom group and the mom group said: Have you tried essential oils? I hear hyperactivity is a vaccine injury. I'm calling CPS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

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