UPJOKE
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Occurring Jokes

Three weddings were occurring the same hotel one weekend.

After the ceremonies and wedding meals, all three grooms happened to be at the bar at the same time and they got talking about how they were looking forward to their wedding nights.

The first groom said "Hey we should let each other know how we got on. How about, at breakfast, the number of ...

A Chinese journalist is interviewing a riot officer about the protests occurring in his city.

Journalist: Do you find it difficult to follow orders that may harm the people protesting?

Riot Officer: I do, some of these people are my friends and neighbors. When given such a choice, the only thing I can really do is listen to my heart.

Journalist: And what does your heart say?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prosthetic breasts were changed to plastic material after numerous reports of lip splinters occurring during foreplay.

That would suck wooden tit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a housewarming party last night

The next morning, I came downstairs to see someone I wasn't well-acquainted with but a friend of a friend lying on the kitchen on floor.

I told him, "Time to go home mate, up you get."

I helped pick him up but he immediately fell back down again.

"Alright you're obviously still ...

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members

Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hobos with a sausage walk into a bar.

First one tells the other,

"Let's order a ton of food and drinks. Once we're drunk, I'll whip out this sausage link, and you go under the table and start sucking this thing. When security sees what we're doing, they'll have no choice but to kick us out before we pay."

For the next cou...

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