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What a coincidence

A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, Im celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. Im celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "Im a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they...

The biggest coincidence of all time

has to be that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease.

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An Irishman is in the bar ... [coincidence]

An Irishman is in the bar, drinking a pint of Guinness

A lady next To him says,
"What a coincidence, I am having Guinness too."

Irish man - "I'm celebrating."

Lady - "Me too."

Irish man - "What a coincidence! Why are you celebrating?"

Lady - "My husband & I ...

I ran over 2 Miles yesterday

Such a coincidence that both unfortunate fellas had the same name.

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

*And there’s no way that’s a coincidence!*

Dude1: Hey, what does coincidence mean?

Dude2: I don't know. But that's weird, that's what I'm thinking about, too.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed.

The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandad.” The father says, “Goodbye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to questio...

One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”
Her dad asked her, “Why goodbye?”
“Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it.”

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.
“Good night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma...

Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’

I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

A boy decides to learn a language of all animals

- Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

*Fathers agrees and gives him money*

*After a year, son returns home and father decides to test his skills*

-Son, did you learn the language?
-Yes father. Do you...

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Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this labs nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches, and healing crystals all my ...

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Sometimes I like to stroke my cock.

I think he must like it too, since everytime I stop, he starts flapping his wings.


(AFAIK this is my original joke. If you've heard it before it's a coincidence)

Two restaurant owners.

Two old restaurateurs run into each other in the lobby of an office building.

"How's it going?" asks one.

"Oof!" says the other. "Business was down from covid, the rent was due, and to top it off there was a fire in the kitchen that burned the whole place down. I'm just here to t...

When I was 15yo, I had met a couple by the name of John and Jane Doe and I thought that was the wildest coincidence ever.

Cut to a few months ago, I'm now 35 and I'm thinking about John and Jane Doe.

And I'm like, I bet they were lying to me about that.

A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.

“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”

The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”

The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”

The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had inde...

Father-To-Be

Four husbands are outside a maternity ward, waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to.

The nurse walks up to the first man and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins! The man says “What a coincidence because I work at a restaurant called 2 cit...

A Call of Duty player doesn't feel well and goes to the Doc

Doctor: What's your favorite map?




Cod player: Terminal

Doctor: What a coincidence.

The height of coincidence!

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.
When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”

“Oy vey,” said the father, “What have I done!”

He took his problem to his best frie...

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"

Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" ...

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

A man is walking by his son's room, when he hears him praying...

and he decides to poke his head in the door to see what he is saying.

"Dear God, I love Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa."

The father thought this was strange, but didn't pay much mind to it, as his young son was just expressing his feelings.

The next day the man comes...

Want to know another creepy coincidence?

Jack the Ripper, Vlad the Impaler, and Winnie the Pooh all share the same middle name. Stay safe, my friends!

Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name...

Hmmmm

Dad, what is telepathy?

Well, son, it's when two people think the same thing at the same time.

Oh, like you and mom?

No, son, that would be a coincidence!

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One day, a father and his daughther are together.

One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears her say, '' God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa. The father hears all of this and barges back into the room. He asks...

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A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

Another man at the bar, notices his accent and asks, “You sound like a fellow Irishman. What county do you come from?”
“I come from Kildare” the man replies.
“Me too! What town in Kildare?”
“Maynooth, ...

A guy on the red scooter arrives at the monastery where 1024 monks lived...

The monk opens the door.


-How can I help you? - he asks.


-Could I sleep here tonight?


-OK, come in.


While he was sleeping, the roof has fallen, killing half of the monks. Now there are 512 left.


The next day, a guy on the red scooter returnes.<...

When you just found out by a coincidence you have two aunts named Lee.

A pair aunt lee just happened

Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had a baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The...

A man and a woman hailed the same cab at the exact same time…

“Pardon me,” said the man. “You go ahead. I’m only going to the restaurant row. I’ll grab the next one.”

“Restaurant row?” the woman responded. “What a crazy coincidence! That’s where I’m headed as well. Maybe we can split the fare?”

“Oh, no thanks. I’m going to this little hole-in-the...

There's 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in my fridge. Coincidence?

Not really, I'm just an alcoholic.

vacationing in the caribbean

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.

The attorney said, “I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

"That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. “I’m here because my house...

Juan comes to US/Mexico border on a cycle...

...with 2 large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What's in those bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll see about that. Get off the bike."

The guard takes the bag and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but ...

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I got this from a friend, don’t judge

One day, Johnny came in late to class. His teacher asked him why he was late, and he said that he was on Blueberry Hill.

The next day, Tommy came in late to class. His teacher asked him why he was late, and he said that he was on Blueberry Hill. The teacher thinks that is a weird coincidence....

Another one translated to English, this time from Czech :)

A farmer went to the mall to do some shopping. He bought an anvil and a bucket in the hardware store.
In the animal store he bought a pair of chickens and a goose. But how to carry it all now?
The shopkeeper advised him: "Put the anvil in the bucket and carry that in one hand, put the goos...

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Everyone knows Dave!

Dave was bragging to his mate Jim one day, "Y'know, I know absolutely everyone Jim! Just name someone, anyone, and I can introduce you."

Tired of his constant boasting, Jim tried to call him out, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No worries mate, Tom and I are old friends and I can pr...

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The story of Dave (Not my joke)

Once upon a time there was a man named Dave. Now Dave worked in a small business office where just about all his co workers knew each other well. One day, Dave’s boss wants to get to know him better so he invites Dave to go out to lunch. While they were eating lunch and talking about various things,...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.
He asks her - why did you say that?
I don't know, I just felt like saying it.
The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.
A month later at bedtime, the d...

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Lost Wife

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm...

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

Translated from Russian. Three woman (American, French and Russian) are sharing their stories.

The first one says,

-- Once we got wed, I told my husband: "From now on, I quit cooking and cleaning". My husband left, and I don't see him for one day, two days, three days... On the fourth day he comes back with this amazing robot that is both cooking and cleaning for us while we make love....

007 is both James Bonds number and Russias country code, a coincidence...?

...yes, that's a coincidence.

Goodbye Daddy !

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”


The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?”



The little girl s...

My Vietnamese friends just got married, but by coincidence share the same last name so there was no hassle...

It was a Nguyễn-Nguyễn situation.

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'...

Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

Sir, my mum and dad got married on the same day, same time.

Is it a coincidence that as soon as Bruce Jenner turns into a female, that she becomes a bad driver?

Too soon?

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A recently divorced man...

A recently divorced man, feeling a bit down in the dumps, heads to his local bar. After about 15 minutes, a beautiful woman sits down next to him and strikes up a conversation. They’re getting along great, talking away, when the woman confides to him that her husband divorced her because he thought ...

Delivery coincidences,Haha!

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

A little later, the nurse ...

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A family were having dinner...

All of a sudden, the 5yo daughter says:

"grandpa is going to die"

Nobody takes her seriously, and they go to bed. In the middle of the night, the hospital calls to tell the father that his own father died. Strange coincidence.

The next day, the family is having dinner again, an...

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946...

Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

In the English language, the word "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" has the most number of syllables at 19.

This narrowly beats out the runner-up, "Gloria" (18 syllables).

Source: Catholic Exchange




Note: full disclosure, I heard this absolutely glorious (hah!) joke years ago, but when I was retelling it earlier thought of another way to set it up. It's just a grand coincidence t...

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A white guy gets “Wendy” tattooed on his dick.

It only shows “Wy” when flaccid.

He goes on vacation to Jamaica. In the bathroom peeing, he glances over at a Jamaican guy next to him and sees “Wy” tattooed on his dick too.

He says, What a coincidence! Is your wife named Wendy too?

The Jamaican man notices the guy’s dick tat...

To all the people who listen to my Indian accent and automatically assume I’m in IT, let me tell you something.

That’s just a coincidence.

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It was Monday and John called his boss because he was sick.

"Boss, can I get a day off? I'm sick today."

"No problem, you will make it up when you feel better. Is it something serious and will you be gone for a longer period?", the boss asked.

"I'll be coming in tomorrow, don't worry" John replied."Great, I will see you tomorrow then."

T...

A man wakes up on the 7th of July at 7 o'clock

When he wakes up, he checks his phone and sees that he has 7 missed calls and 7 messages from 7 differents persons. He finds the coincidence pretty funny, gets out of bed with a big smile and gets in his car.

Before starting the engine, he checks on his phone the location of his meeting, when...

Sweet dreams

Three homeless men wake up beside eachother on a park bench. The man on the left exclaims, 'I've just had the most wonderful dream, I dreamt I was given a handjob by the most beautiful brunette!'. The man on the right, surpised, says, 'What a coincidence, I had a similar dream but in mine it was t...

Abdul was aboard his first flight

Abdul to air hostess: hey can you tell me my seat number

AH: it is number 4 in aisle C

Abdul: wow what a coincidence lol

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and and Irishman all enter a pub, sit down at the bar, and each orders a pint.

By some incredible coincidence, three flies come along and each one lands in a separate glass.

The Englishman pushes his glass away in disgust and demands that it be replaced on the house.

The Scotsman scoops the fly out of his beer, drops it on the bar top, and continues to sip.
...

Four rabbis get into an argument

One rabbi claimed that he knew what a bible passage meant, but the other three thought he was wrong.

The lone rabbi asked God for a sign that he is right, and behold, it began to rain! However, the other rabbis were unconvinced, thinking "it was only a coincidence and didn't prove anything."<...

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At the gates of heaven Gabriel is deciding fates.

A man walks up ranting of misfortune. When asked why he's so mad he explained

" I was sure my wife was cheating on me. So one day I left work early to catch her in the act. When I walked into our apartment she was surprised. Nude and sweaty so I knew someone was there. I look under the bed i...

Dad and Daughter

So, there was a dad, and one night, the dad watched his daughter do her nightly prayers and she said, "God bless mom, God bless dad, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa." The next day, Grandpa died. The dad thought it could all be a coincidence, until the next night, when the dad was watching his...

She was a Corbynite Labour activist, and he was a tenth-generation Tory

But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided ...

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While shopping in a huge suburban mall, a man gets separated from his wife...

He starts wandering around looking in each shop, trying to locate her. As he's scanning the crowd he notices another guy who seems as lost as he is.

He asks the guy, "Are you lost, buddy?" The guy says, "Not really, I'm trying to find my wife."

"What a coincidence so am I. Let's swap w...

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

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A man in overalls sits down at a bar

A man in overalls sits down at a bar and orders a glass of champagne. The lady next to him says to him: "not to many people come in here wearing overalls and orders a glass of champagne."



The man says, "I'm a chicken farmer and today I'm celebrating." The lady said "What a coincidenc...

A man walked into a bar..

A man walked into a local bar, ordered a beer. As he was waiting for his drink, a conversation between two strangers next to him drew his attention.

StrangerA: hey buddy, where do you live?
StrangerB: At Husenberg street near the local mall, in the appartments.
StrangerA:What a coincide...

A witch, a saint and a shaman all walk into a tavern...

The Witch says, "I get my powers from mixing brews and consorting with demons!"

The Shaman says, "What a coincidence! I get my power by communing with the spirits of the land."

The Saint laughs, "You are all heretics!" and burned the two at the stake in the name of his god.

3 men go to a hotel late at night

Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.

The morning after...

Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a handjob!

Man on the right: whoa, what a coinc...

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises.

When do we want them?

#NNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWW^WWwww

Husband won't be back soon

Some days ago, I came to know a girl on the Internet. Beautiful...

After some chat, I felt that we had connected at a deeper level.

Yesterday, she asked me to visit her house and said, "My husband is on a business trip, and I'm alone at home."

I was very cautious and asked, "Wi...

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Two Jewish fathers are having a conversation.

One mentioned to the other, "It's been a trying time for me. I sent my son to Jerusalem to study for two years in the hopes he would return as a better Jew, but instead he converted to Christianity."

The other father replied, "That's odd. I also sent my son to Jerusalem to study, and he also ...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

A Frenchman bumps into a English gentleman on a street

"Good day to you sir, what are you up to." says the Englishman.
The Frenchman says "nothing much....what are you doing."


"Oh we are playing Croatia today" answers the Englishman.

"Ah what a coincidence. We are playing them on Sunday you see" r...

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Two men sit across from each other on a train...

...both with black eyes. Seeing the coincidence, one guy says to the other:
"Hey, I see we both got black eyes here, mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy responds:
"Well, I was in the train station getting a ticket, and the teller was a gorgeous lady with huge knockers. I got flu...

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

Newton [Long]

A man called Newton goes to a Chinese restaurant. He orders some fortune cookies. When they arrive, he opens one and sees what's in it. Only one word is written:

*Newton*

Newton raises his eyes in a mixture of confusion and surprise. How the hell did that coincidence happen? Why was hi...

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