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Transpire Jokes

Roy Moore is not happy with the events that transpired tonight

He liked it better when the night was young

Bill was a clerk in a small drugstore,

...........but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Dave, the owner, had had about enough and warned Bill that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, Bill coul...

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This message is for those who appreciate the finer points of the English language

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.

"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."


...

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the pan...

A man is driving down the road when he sees flashing lights up ahead.

It transpires a lorry load of penguins has turned over. The police are frantically trying to herd the penguins off the road to safety.

As he arrives at the scene he sees an officer with a penguin under each arm. He rolls down the window and says, "Officer is there anything I can do to help?" ...

Devil's Challenge

I haven't heard this one in ages but it's been a favorite of mine for many many years....

Three men are walking through the desert. As they're traveling along, a giant hole randomly appears and swallows them up.

They fall for what seems like ages. And abruptly land completely unharme...

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The Shah and the Guard

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the ti...

Three women friends are sitting outside and smoking together.

In a freak turn of weather, it suddenly starts to pour down rain. For two of the women, this means no more smoking, as their cigarettes go out. For the third, however, it's not a problem as she pulls a condom out of her pocket and slips it over her cigarette.

Seeing that she is still able to...

Businessman, proposition, and a beautiful chorus girl..

A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of the well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for S500.

When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things had transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him but would h...

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Two beggars, a Jew and a Christian

Are sitting outside a church on a Sunday collecting money.
As all the people leave the church, they see the two beggars and most give money specifically to the Christian, some even give more than they usually would just to spite the Jew.
The last one to leave the church is the priest.
Th...

So Jesus was in the midst of crucifixion...

and Peter was emotionally devastated over the events that had transpired. He felt completely helpless, but he faintly hears Jesus calling his name, "Peter....Peter.." He tries to respond but the centurion guards had built up quite a barricade. Again he hears the calls, "Peter... Peter..." So Peter ...

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The Gods decided to create trees...

The land was barren with nothing but muddy ground, rock formations, some small creatures and a pair of humans. So the Gods decided to create 2 trees to live as partners. The female tree was named Eva and the male Lee. As all other forms of life around, the trees were naked.

Eva was not conten...

With love

A very rich woman has three possible suitors for her daughter, and decides to test them.

One day, she takes the first one for a walk. She asks him all kinds of questions about his future, education and feelings for her daughter. She's got a good feeling about him, when suddenly an idea strik...

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Three Safari Men

There were three men (a pastor, a father, and a good 'ol boy redneck) that happened to be taking a safari of the Amazon rainforest when they are separated from the rest of the group. After a few days and trying to find their way back to civilization, they were captured by a local tribe, bound and b...

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A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

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Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

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