UPJOKE
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ted cruz, greg abbott, and the uvalde swat team run into a bar

because they heard a car backfire

Whatโ€™s the opposite of backfire?

A waterfront.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I think Tumblr banning porn has already backfired

Now more of their users are getting off than ever.

(Narrator voice) You could say that France's plan backfired,

but if that were the case, it might have actually hit the Germans.

My snail entered a race, I took off his shell to make him faster. But It backfired.

If anything it made him more sluggish...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

During the Cold War, the Russian government came up with a plan to demoralize the Americans.

They placed an order with America's largest rubber manufacturer for 50,000 cases of condoms, 5 inches wide and 17 inches long.

Being a shrewd businessman, the owner of the company filled the order while simultaneously fulfilling his patriotic duty and making the Russians' ploy backfire.
...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

There once was a man from Brazil

Who swallowed a dynamite pill

His tummy perspired

His butt backfired

And his balls flew over the hill

Mr Penguin decides to go to the beach...

...as it is a beautiful hot summer day. He packs up the car and drives to the coast. Just before he gets there, the car sputters and backfires, and the engine starts to smoke. He's able to pull into an auto shop, and the mechanic tells him to come back in about 20 minutes.

Mr Penguin decides...

What's the worst part about spicy food?

It backfires.

I try to use big words whenever I can...

Sometimes it backfires, but usually I end up looking really photosynthesis.

"Hydrogen Monoxide! Hydrogen Monoxide! Hydrogen Monoxide!" shouted Santa.

*Asking the Chemistry teacher to play Santa this year seemed to have backfired*

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

While on holiday in Thailand my friend met a stunning girl in a bar, so he plied her with alcohol to make his chances of getting a shag easier.

His plan backfired though. When they got back to his hotel she was too pissed to maintain her erection.

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