Nukes Jokes - 15 Hilarious Nukes Jokes

If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now

"Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

Nukes

What's the next Muslim country that will have nukes?
France

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump: "Kim! Why are you sending NUKES?"

"I said send NUDES"

If Kim Jong-Un like nukes so much...

Isn’t he just Fallout Boy?

My dad works on Nukes and told me this today

What dessert was served during the Manhattan Project?

Yellow Cake

Is New years but your ....

Not sure if the explosion's out side the window are fireworks or nukes going off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intelligent life

The U.N. wanted to contact other worlds in hopes of finding intelligent life in the vast of space. So they gathered all of earth greatest minds to work together to complete such a task. After years of failing to reach life in space, the program was starting to crumple and the top minds abandoned shi...

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

China, Russia, and Brazil have a contest to see who can obliterate the American west coast...

Russia tries firing off some Nukes, but as luck would have it, the CIA's "Star Wars" satellite missile defense system stopped all the ICBMs before they even got past Hawaii.

China's turn... They send out their Naval Fleet but half of the aircraft carriers catch on fire before they...

Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright

2016 is on such a high kill streak

I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

Here's a Russian Joke I liked... that doesn't have any swears

The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies...

Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others pa...

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