Nuclear War Jokes - 16 Hilarious Nuclear War Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a nuclear war, they say the only thing to survive will be cockroaches.

Which means most countries will still have functioning governments.

What does South Korea look like after a nuclear war with North Korea?

Not a Seoul there.

Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven.

Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Soviet joke about two missiles

So USSR and the US finally go to nuclear war. They each fire a missile at each other to while the other out. The two missiles meet each other over half way to their destination.

"Comrade US missile", the USSR one says, "We are about to kill millions of people, let's stop and have a drink."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cockroaches can survive a nuclear war. But hit them with a newspaper and they die.

See how dangerous the media is?

What did Kim Jong Un say after a nuclear war with China?

"when I said nuke the Chinese, I was talking about the left overs!"

The only thing round earthers have to fear...

...is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

My friend keeps telling jokes about nuclear war

It’s making me go MAD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to nuclear war the main difference is...

Korea have a desk with a button.

America have a desk with a knob.

It's amazing how much has changed since the 80s

Back then we had a celebrity president with ultraconservative views and a cult following who was obsessed with a wall in the White House, a female Prime Minister with a complicated relationship with the EU and a total disregard for the poor of the country in Number Ten, the Russians were under a reg...

Austria declares war on China:

„We have 200 soldiers and 3 Tanks“

China accepst: „We have 4 Million Soldiers, a Million Tanks an a couple hundred nuclear warheads“

Austria replies:„We abort the declaration, we can't provide enough accomodations for the war prisoners “

Hey baby, are you the nuclear war between America and Russia?

Because neither of us want to come first, but both want to fire

I predict, in years to come there’ll be a nuclear war in the Middle East, which’ll leave only one country and the Persian Gulf .

Just Kuwait and sea.

Here's a Russian Joke I liked... that doesn't have any swears

The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies...

Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others pa...

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

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