UPJOKE
sickpoorlybadlyunwellailmentstrickenupsetsicklynauseousrecoveringillnessvirusinauspiciousominouscomplaint

Worse Jokes

What worse than two girls running with scissors?

Two girls scissoring with the runs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up with a dick drawn on your face?

Someone telling you it was traced on.
[edits up: guys i gotta say something - HOLY SHIT MY PHONE EXPLODED FROM REPLIES]
[edits up again: have the credits
https://youtube.com/shorts/hSK1Vyoimps?feature=share this joke was too funny not to tell]

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half of a worm

What's worse than a cold toilet seat?

A warm one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

What’s worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

The local police chief always said "It could be worse."

Every time there was a crime, no matter how terrible, he would hear the details from his officers and say "It could be worse."

One day, police were called to a beautiful house on a quiet street that belonged to a wealthy local businessman and his wife, the Dunwoodys. When they arrived, they f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who’s the worse singer to give you directions?

John Denver. He thinks the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah Valley are in West Virginia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is nothing worse than a doctors receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of patients



I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dic...

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"

I know he means well...

What’s worse than finding out Santa isn’t real as a kid?

Finding out your parents are broke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop,

Or Finding Out He Was In All Of Them

What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coathanger

Worse Day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large,
trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and
gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly,
as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says,

"I did...

What is worse than a serial killer

A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time

Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse"

Optimist: "Oh sure it can"

Who would be worse than Captain obvious?

Doctor Obvious

Cowboy 1: Can you think of anything worse than being scalped alive?

Cowboy 2: Not off the top of my head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than having a small penis?

Nothing. Sorry if you clicked on this to make yourself feel better.

What is a suicide bombers worse fear?

Dying alone...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

Doctor: I have bad news and worse news for you

Patient: What is the bad news?

Doctor: You only have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What can possibly be worse news than that?

Doctor: I should have told you this yesterday...

What's worse than beating a dead horse?

Shooting a live gorilla

Good, bad, worse

Good: I slept with my teacher after prom last night.
Bad: I was home schooled.
Worse: by my dad.

What do you call a rideshare app that’s worse than Uber?

Unter.

What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can?

Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.

My doctor is concerned my hypochondria is getting worse

So he put me on stronger placebos.

President Trump said "No politician in history — and I say this with great surety — has been treated worse or more unfairly."

I guess the 6 Presidents who were shot no longer count





*edit had 4 in post originally

Walking with 1 leg is worse than walking with 2.

The difference is staggering.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's lost wedding ring inside her whilst your doing it!

It could’ve been worse.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
"Not so good," says Harry.
"Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry say...

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.