My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

What's worse than Ants in your Pants?

Uncles

What's worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had..

Oops... sorry, wrong thread.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

This joke.

NSFW What's worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

At my city, we have a zoo which is only filled with dogs. Even worse, there’s only one breed of dogs inside the zoo.

It’s a shih tzu.

I caught my wife cheating. This isn’t the first time. I have asked her to leave the family home. I have filled for divorce and will ask for full custody of the kids and the dog. I thought 2020 couldn’t get much worse.

Hopefully this is the last time she steals monopoly money, when playing as the banker.

What is worse than the Incredible Hulk yelling "Hulk Smash!" As he's running at you?

He whispers it in you ear as he's standing behind you

What’s worse than finding a worm in your Apple?

Being mercilessly beaten over the head by a large mob.

What's worse to step on in the middle of the night than a lego

A landmine

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

It could have been worse

Mulla Nasrudin constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "It could have been worse."
To cure him of this annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Nasrudin could fin...

What’s worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.

Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.

What's worse then a Werewolf?

What's worse then a werewolf?



a Rightherewolf!

For fear of a fate worse than death, don't look back.

Because hindsight is always 2020

What's worse than a baby in a bag?

A baby in 2 bags.

Whats worse then getting your car keys stuck in the lock outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask for a coathanger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

More of us guys are unemployed as a result of the pandemic, but we're getting fucked over worse

I mean, damn, we're losing $1.00 for every .77 cents women lose.

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up. The doctor says, "I have bad news, and I have worse news."

The man says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"

The doctor informs him, "You have 24 hours to live."

The man asks, "What's the worse news?"

"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

I was sad yesterday, and today seems like it's only going to get worse

It's Sadderday.

What's bad to hear at the supermarket but worse to hear at the doctors?

Unexpected item in the bagging area.

What’s worse than not being at work and no one noticing that your missing?

Not being at work and people noticing that you’re there

The only tihng worse than a repost? A repost with a typo.

It’s just reposterous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing Hitler.

I don’t think there’s anything worse than a devils advocate.

Or do I?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s worse than your daughter doing porn?

When your stepson joins her.

Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...

Patient: Give me the bad first.

Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.

P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?

Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

“Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...”

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

What's worse than using your family as political props?

According to my HOA, using them as Halloween props.

Dear god,when people were saying 2020 can't get any worse

It wasn't a challenge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

What's worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with runs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma..

A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma when she notices that the patients heart rate and breathing increase whenever she cleans the genital area. She gets the idea that oral sex might actually revive her. She calls the patient's husband over and explains that oral sex might revive her,...

How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?

After a a kidney stone, nobody says “let’s have another”

What’s worse than the doctor saying you’ll have to take pills every day for the rest of your life ?

Realizing he only gave you one box

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your

heeeeeeeeead,


in your heeeeeead,


in your head, in your head,


in your hea, hea, head

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Being young and naive falling for the one you believe to be your soulmate and spending so much time and effort to get in a relationship with them and when it finally happens you are happy but your partner isn’t, but they don’t actually show it, and it gets to the point where you are now married and ...

It could be worse...

John knocks on the door and a man opens it.

John confesses he has been sleeping with Mary and that they have had an affair for the last year. The man simply says "well it could be worse"

John goes on to say that Mary has been funneling money to him the entire time and he has spent ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3am in the morning?

Getting a correct one.

What’s worse ignorance or apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

After the first 2 rounds of the NFL draft, this team's fans didnt think things could possibly get any worse...

...And here's the kicker...

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse.

The other 35% were women."

What's worse than two cats in a box?

One cat in two boxes.

This stock market crash is worse for me than a divorce

I lost half my net worth, but still have a wife.

What's worse than 3 babies in one garbage can?

Answer: One baby in 3 garbage cans.

History is a lot like Imagine Dragons...

It's repetitive, never really good, and somehow only getting worse.

Why are written puns worse than puns spoken aloud?

Puns on paper are tearable.

Quarantine has been hard. I've run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves. It's only going to get worse, though...

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

My irrational fear of moving stairs seems to be getting worse.

You might say it’s… escalating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it worse for trappers when they run out of toilet paper?

They have to wipe their butts with their bear hands.

A struggling corporation fires its CEO and hires a new one. (Oldie but goodie)

The outgoing CEO has a meeting with the new CEO and tells him: "Behind the painting on the wall is a safe. There are three numbered envelopes in the safe. If you find yourself in trouble, and fear for your job, open the first one. The next time you're trouble, open the second, and so on. Do not open...

Anybody want to bet me that next year is going to be worse than this one?

I'm offering odds of 20 2 1.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead.

"Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Could hav...

Entire Russian history in five words

Russian history in five words: "And then things got worse."

Patient to his doctor: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?

Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, called alhzimers, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys get called up for military service

Coincidentally, they both live in the same street so they share a ride.

During the ride, one says to the other: "I'm going to tell you right now, they will disqualify me for military service."

The other replies: "Really? How can you be so sure?"

"I'll tell you later." The first ...

What's Worse Than Having Your Doctor Tell You You've Got Herpes?

Having your dentist tell you.

There's three nuns who want to quit being nuns, so they approach the head nun and ask, "Head nun, what can I do to stop being a nun?"

The head nun replies, "You each must commit one sin tonight then come back tomorrow and drink from a cup of holy water. Only then will you not be a nun anymore."

So the three nuns nod their heads in agreement and leave to go sin. When they come back the next day, the head nun asks the first n...

Have you heard about the dog who could play the piano?

His bach was worse than his bite.

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

The jester and the king

It's a well known fact that humorists are more intelligent than the run of the mill average joe on the street. It's also a well known fact that it's not always a good idea to flaunt those extra smarts.

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jeste...

My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.

I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, “Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!”

Attitude Adjustment

For her birthday, Jane received a fully-grown parrot as a gift. It was a brilliantly colored, with plumes of emerald green, sunset orange, ocean blue, and ruby red. But the parrot had a vocabulary worse than a sailor's. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6pm in an irish pub,

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat...

The invitation

a man named Bob suffered from severe paranoia, it only got worse ever since the city he lived in got its first covid case.

Bob spent hours each day sanitizing his clothes and scrubbing himself to protect him from the virus.

One day Bob got a call from a very close friend of his. He w...

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I will have to let her in...

Three Most Important People

God was looking down on the earth and decided everything was too messed up to let it continue. He decided giving an ultimatum to humans would do the trick, so he called up who he thought were the three most important people on earth to tell them. God called up Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin, and Dona...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night.

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of ...

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