What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Whats worse then getting your car keys stuck in the lock outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask for a coathanger.

What's worse than ADHD ?

AD4k

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up. The doctor says, "I have bad news, and I have worse news."

The man says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"

The doctor informs him, "You have 24 hours to live."

The man asks, "What's the worse news?"

"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

What's worse than living in quarantine?

Living in Karentain.

What's bad to hear at the supermarket but worse to hear at the doctors?

Unexpected item in the bagging area.

What’s worse than seeing a worm after biting an apple

Seeing half a worm

What’s worse than not being at work and no one noticing that your missing?

Not being at work and people noticing that you’re there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

More of us guys are unemployed as a result of the pandemic, but we're getting fucked over worse

I mean, damn, we're losing $1.00 for every .77 cents women lose.

I was sad yesterday, and today seems like it's only going to get worse

It's Sadderday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

I don’t think there’s anything worse than a devils advocate.

Or do I?

The only tihng worse than a repost? A repost with a typo.

It’s just reposterous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s worse than your daughter doing porn?

When your stepson joins her.

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...

Patient: Give me the bad first.

Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.

P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?

Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.

What’s worse than a skunk on a piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ

What's worse than using your family as political props?

According to my HOA, using them as Halloween props.

What's worse then a baby in a dumpster?

A baby in two dumpsters.

“Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...”

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing Hitler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma..

A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma when she notices that the patients heart rate and breathing increase whenever she cleans the genital area. She gets the idea that oral sex might actually revive her. She calls the patient's husband over and explains that oral sex might revive her,...

Dear god,when people were saying 2020 can't get any worse

It wasn't a challenge.

What's worse than three babies in one trash can

One baby in three trash cans.

Cowboy 1: Can you think of anything worse than being scalped alive?

Cowboy 2: Not off the top of my head.

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

What's worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with runs.

How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?

After a a kidney stone, nobody says “let’s have another”

What’s worse than the doctor saying you’ll have to take pills every day for the rest of your life ?

Realizing he only gave you one box

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night.

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of ...

It could be worse...

John knocks on the door and a man opens it.

John confesses he has been sleeping with Mary and that they have had an affair for the last year. The man simply says "well it could be worse"

John goes on to say that Mary has been funneling money to him the entire time and he has spent ...

A man's girlfriend went to Europe for 5 days with some girlfriends.

She asked her boyfriend to watch her cat while she was gone. The first day she was gone, the cat was hit by a car and was killed. The first day she was gone she called and asked how her cat was doing. He didn't want to ruin her vacation so he said the cat was fine. The second day she called and he s...

What’s worse ignorance or apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

After the first 2 rounds of the NFL draft, this team's fans didnt think things could possibly get any worse...

...And here's the kicker...

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your

heeeeeeeeead,


in your heeeeeead,


in your head, in your head,


in your hea, hea, head

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Being young and naive falling for the one you believe to be your soulmate and spending so much time and effort to get in a relationship with them and when it finally happens you are happy but your partner isn’t, but they don’t actually show it, and it gets to the point where you are now married and ...

A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3am in the morning?

Getting a correct one.

What's worse than two cats in a box?

One cat in two boxes.

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse.

The other 35% were women."

Anybody want to bet me that next year is going to be worse than this one?

I'm offering odds of 20 2 1.

Stock market crashing is worse than getting a divorce

You lose half your money and your wife is still around

Quarantine has been hard. I've run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves. It's only going to get worse, though...

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it worse for trappers when they run out of toilet paper?

They have to wipe their butts with their bear hands.

Patient to his doctor: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?

Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, called alhzimers, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me.

My irrational fear of moving stairs seems to be getting worse.

You might say it’s… escalating.

Why are written puns worse than puns spoken aloud?

Puns on paper are tearable.

What's Worse Than Having Your Doctor Tell You You've Got Herpes?

Having your dentist tell you.

Why aren't progressives worried about things getting worse?

Because they are getting progressively worse.

A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows...

"Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"

What is worse: Parkinson's or Alzheimer’s?

Parkinson's! With Alzheimer’s you just forget to drink the beer, with Parkinson's you spill it.

A friend told me that they read an article from a major health organization that Coronavirus is going to be worse than earlier reported.

“WHO said that?”

“Yes.”

I was driving to work this morning, distracted as usual by my coffee, banana, podcasts, etc, when I hit something. I saw a gray and white lump on the road in my rear view and feared the worse. I got out and checked, and just as I had thought, I hit a cat.

It had a collar on, so clearly it belonged to someone, and it was in front of a little farmhouse, which was the only house within seeing distance. I knocked on the door, and a lady in a bathrobe answered. It was plain to see the she was amid a hectic morning getting her kids ready for school. I e...

What’s worse than getting two pimples?

Getting Shot

Son, Covid19 is getting worse. Don't forget to wash your hands.

Include the dishes as well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With all the toilet paper hoarding, there might not be a worse time in our lifetimes to get food poisoning.

It's such a dire era.

Growing up in Scotland, my family had one rule

Never run with bagpipes! You could put an eye out, or worse, you could get kilt!

What's worse than having pineapple on a pizza

Bat in a soup.

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

What's worse than stubbing your toe?

Getting hit by a car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is worse, Epstein or Hitler?

Epstein. Because, despite all his atrocities, at least Hitler killed Hitler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher that fell.

A teacher is in her class. As she walks she slips and falls. 3 little boys can't contain themselves and laugh out loud.
Really angry she asks the first one. "What did you see?"
"Just calves ma'am"
"Go home for the day immediatly!"
Pointing at the second, "And you?"
"Just bum ma'am"...

A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.

“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”

The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”

The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”

The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had inde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're god damn right I'm xenophobic!

They're always causing problems, they kill people indiscriminately and I don't know what's worse, the acid blood or their little mouth in a mouth thing. Xenomorphs can just dick right off, and I'd bet they don't pay their taxes.


Sorry this joke has been in my head for like 3 days.

What's worse than attaching a baby to a washing line and spinning it around at 100mph?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Incest is no joking matter.

Every death in the family is worse because you lose multiple family members at once.

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

My dyslexia has been getting worse and worse lately.

I think it's reached a new owl.

What’s worse? Banging your cousin or your niece?

It’s all relative

After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

After a long day, I come home to see that someone tore the front and back pages of my dictionary.

It just went from bad to worse.

President Trump said "No politician in history — and I say this with great surety — has been treated worse or more unfairly."

I guess the 6 Presidents who were shot no longer count





*edit had 4 in post originally

What's the one thing worse than necrophilia?

Letting a dead body go to waste.

You know what’s worse than shaking someone’s wet hands after they’ve used the restroom?

Shaking someone’s dry hands after they’ve used the restroom

a women goes to seek out advice about her husband's hearing, as the situation seems to be getting progressively worse she's increasingly worried about him

"He'll be fine don't worry mam, he's in good hands"

assured the senator.

Young Gulls

The dolphin trainers at the state zoo were very upset because the dolphins were very ill and getting worse. An animal shaman told them that he could not only cure the dolphins, but make them live forever--all he needed were some young sea gulls. The trainers immediately set off to find some young se...

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven.

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3...

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