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Fat Man Jokes

When telling a fat man to lose weight you should not sugar coat it

Because he will eat that too

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A fat man wanted to lose some weight

So he goes to the fitness and asks what he can do to lose weight fast.

The clerck tells him about a very effective program and the prices:

* Lose 10 kg for $100
* Lose 20 kg for $200
* Lose 30 kg for $300

The man wasn't sure it will work so he bought the cheapest one. He...

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

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Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

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A fat man is urinating in public.

Another man approaches him, disgusted. "Look man, you can't do that here. Everybody can see your penis." "Wow!" is the fat man shocked. "Can you really see my penis?" "Yes, of course, we all can." explains the other man. "In that case please say hello to it for me, I haven't seen it in years."

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A very fat man wants to lose weight

A very fat man wants to lose weight. After many failed attempts, he sees an ad:

Lose weight with pleasure!! Guaranteed results!!

Three diferrent packages:
Begginer: 20 pounds in 5 days
Intermediate: 40 pounds in 3 days
Advanced: 60 pounds in only 1 day!
...

What is the fat man who works at the lamp store trying to do?

Cellulite

I told a joke about a fat man and a little boy once

Didn’t really expect it to blow up like it did

(Sorry if someone’s made this joke before)

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Why are Japanese people so skinny?

The last time there was a fat man, an entire city blew up.

A fat man lost his weight

Now, the gym doesn’t trust him with the weights anymore

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Watched a porn last night of an old, fat man masturbating.

Turns out it was just a mirror.

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An obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sure you are aware that you have a serious weight problem. The man says, "Doc, I know. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years." The doctor asks, "Then why don't you diet?" And the fat man says, "Why? What color is it now?"

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A fat man is watching television

He is desperate about his weight situation, all of the sudden he sees an advertisement about losing weight on a tv channel, the woman on the tv shows 3 lose weight secrets that can be deliver to your house but without knowing what the actual product is, she also mentions to be aware of the third on...

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

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I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time….

then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

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Not fucked yet.

Once upon a time there was a young man hiking through the woods. As he was gaily skipping through a path he suddenly started to hear footsteps approaching. The footsteps came closer until the trees finally disclosed a group of twenty natives with spears carrying a fat man and his fat kid on a throne...

What do you call a fat man in a bath ?

Tubby.

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A fat man passes by a brothel..

... When he sees an advertisement sign stating "New weight loss program, free trial!". Interested in what it might be he enters. A beautiful nice receptionist welcomes him, when asked about the program she replies "In order to get started you've got to enter room one. It's a three day program, toda...

I’m a fat man starting to feel spiritual

As I looked into all the different religions, I found that that all of them, in one way or another, involved abstaining from food. Hindus, for example all give up beef. Mormons boycott alcohol and coffee. As a Catholic you can eat anything most of the year, but have to give up the foods like most fo...

A Fat man and his wife

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

The woman mocked fat man on the beach..

The woman mocked fat man on the beach, clapping her big belly and saying, "Well, that's where the sixpack is. Was it heineken or something else?"

The man answered the woman:
"There's a tap under it, you can taste it yourself"







Sorry if my english is any bad,...

Why can't a fat man play golf

Cause if he puts the ball where he can see it he can't reach it and if he puts it where he can reach it he can't see it.

A fat man complained to a doctor that obesity runs in the family

The doctor replied: It's not obesity that runs in the family, it's that no one runs in your family.

What do a faulty computer and a fat man have in common?

Neither of them run well.

What is the most ironic name for a fat man?

Jim

How do you hide a fat man's paycheck?

Put it on his treadmill.

An old short, ugly, fat man approaches a beautiful woman in a bar...

He says to her:

"Ma'am I know that I'm a bit older than you, and I'm not particularly easy on the eyes, but I would love to buy you a drink."

She flatly tells him:

"No. Go away. I'm not interested"

But the man persists. He tells her:

"But wait! I'm a smart guy wit...

Fat man decides to lose weight...

Tried every diet, yet nothing works. Later, while browsing he sees some ad, saying "Lose 20kg in an hour!". Being desperate, he gives that company a call, they reply, saying that they gonna come to his house tomorrow.

Tommorow comes, door bell rings, fat man opens the door only to see an ins...

A fat man and a little boy walk into a bar,

One falls over. Kaboom kaboom

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Big ol fat man at the YMCA...

There's a big ol fat man at the YMCA taking a shower...

You gotta take a shower before you get in to pool at the YMCA...

Big ol fat man is taking a shower and a little skinny dude walks in and says wooooo-weeeeee, how long has it been since you saw your dick?

Fat man says, loooo...

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I brought a porn DVD today.

But all I could see was some fat man holding his dick.


Then I realised I hadn’t turned the TV on.

If a fat man puts you in a sack tonight don’t worry

I just told Santa I wanted you for Christmas

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Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate?

They don’t like Fat Man and Little Boy

There's a fat man in a schoolyard.

A mother approaches him and asks:

"Are you waiting for a child?"

So he replies:

"No, I'm just fat"

What was the name of that fat man who was knighted?

I believe it was Sir Cumference

Why does a fat man when squeezed compliment the ladies?

Because the pressure makes him flatter.

The other day I tell my wife, "when I look into the mirror I only see an old fat man, I need you to make me feel better about myself."

She says "you have perfect eyesight." - Norm MacDonald

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him,

"Sorry about your weight."

Why is Christmas like your job?

You do all the work and a fat man in a suit gets the credit...

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A man is walking along...

when he sees a ladder going straight up into the clouds. His curiosity gets the better of him so he starts climbing.

He reaches a cloud, upon which is sitting a stout, ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she says.

No thanks, thinks the man, so he climbs the la...

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Fuck and Weight loss

A fat man saw an ad in a newspaper.....
"Lose 5kg in a week."

He called the company & lady said..
"be ready tomorrow at 6am."
The next morning he opened the door &
found a beautiful girl with shoes & skirt saying "u catch me, u fuck me!" & the girl started run...

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

Two kids go to a sauna

When they are inside they see a fat man and one of the kids asks: "why is your belly so big?"
the man smiles and then replies: "because there is a bomb inside." Then the other kid takes a good look at the man and says to his friend in a scared voice: "we need to go right now."
The first kid re...

A joke my grandpa told me, hope you like it!

Today is Billy’s 8th birthday. To celebrate, he and his dad went to McDonalds for dinner. When they arrived, they waited in line behind a large, fat man.
Billy, not being knowledgeable about social norms, says to his dad, “Look daddy! That man’s sooooo fat! Look at him!”
Billy’s dad tells him ...

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Why does Japan have such strict BMI regulations?

They remember what the first fat man did to them.

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

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Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

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The Giant Tapeworm

The fattest man in the world was proud of his accomplishment, he made a good living doing interviews and doing meet and greets for people in awe of his size. He noticed over time he was suddenly losing weight rapidly through no effort of his own. He ate more to compensate but still continued drop...

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Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving?

Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea

Who is the most polite person?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.

The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies.

But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

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Teacher asked the class to draw a nativity scene.

When she looked at Johnny's picture, she saw Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and a big fat man. When she inquired about the fat man, Johnny said, "That's round John Virgin."

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Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came to town, they lost half their population.

Three men die together in an accident and are sent to hell...

Two of the men are quite tall and lean, and the other man is a very short, fat guy.

The devil welcomes them to hell. He tells the three men that they have a chance to redeem their souls and go to heaven. If one of them men can find something the devil can't catch, he will let all three asce...

That's not a bowling ball, dad.

This weekend me and my dad were out bowling, you see. He gets his shoes on, and picks his ball from the rack. A nice, shiny, pinkish purple ball. He throws it down the lane, and we can't find it. The thing is gone. We look for at least an hour for this ball, but it's vanished. In the car on the way ...

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