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Warfare Jokes

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Why are the Modern Warfare games inexpensive?

They come with a cheap Price

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Why is it called Guerilla Warfare?

Because you're supposed to go apeshit

If the German way of warfare was the Blitzkrieg, then what do you call the Russian way?

A Ditzkrieg.

A lot of people thought bio-warfare was overpowered.

That's why it was banned from competitive use.

What does one call a dutch spy who specializes in chemical warfare?

Agent Orange

I wonder why biological warfare is not popular

even though it's viral

A Frenchmen goes to a library for a book he wants about warfare.

He asks the librarian at the front desk for a book about warfare. The librarian simply responds, “You’ll just lose it.”

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A detachment of US Marines are conducting jungle warfare training in the Congo, and one night around the campfire, the Congolese troops they're training with tell the Marines the tale of a cave in the middle of the jungle, filled with golden treasure but guarded by a fearsome monster.

According to the local soldiers, the cave is filled with the treasures of an ancient African king, but a sorcerer used his arcane powers to create an unholy creature to guard it. She was formed from a mix of human, gorilla, chimpanzee, and baboon, and stands seven feet tall, enormously strong. She h...

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My dad fought in the war and killed people by shooting them in the belly button.

He was an expert in navel warfare.

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My Girlfriend and I Started Smashing Our Belly Buttons Together...

...we call it navel warfare.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.

They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

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What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

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Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

I used to date this German woman named Vera

Now, I make a lot of puns, and Vera always hated them and sighed annoyedly at them. Every pun I made: sigh sigh sigh.

We used to get into fights about it. Big, trench-warfare fights: I wanted her to stop sighing in exasperation, and she wanted me to stop making bad puns.

Eventually we ...

Are monkeys good at combat?

Only if it's gorilla warfare

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

what do you call it when apes battle?

gorilla warfare.

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Quality, Not Quantity

Quality, Not Quantity

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Wil...

What do you call a fight between two ape tribes?

Guerrilla warfare

There's a primate military-industrial complex, you know

They engage in gorilla warfare to preserve the interests of monkey business

What’s the similarity between Jane Goodall and the Viet Cong?

They’re both masters of gorilla warfare

Hans, Is That You?

The Germans and Americans were reaching a stalemate in WWI.
In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his...

I'm launching a pirating website.

It has two games: a treasure hunting game called "X Marrrrrrks the Spot" and a naval warfare game called "Take No Prisonerrrrrrs." It also has lots of free movies you can download and watch.

All the movies have 3.14 stars.

It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes

Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.

TIL of an odd political problem in Colorado.

Cattle has long been the number one agricultural product of Colorado, but the recent legalization of marijuana is causing significant and unforeseen problems.

Apparently, cows love marijuana as much as people, and cattle ranches and nearby marijuana farms are on the brink of open warfare. Co...

A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.

Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.

He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?” The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.” The g...

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Aakashvaani

Pandavas and Kauravas learnt the art of warfare from their teacher Dronacharya.

One fine day, Dronacharya was teaching Arjuna (3rd oldest among Pandavas) the art of Archery.


He said in a heavy voice, "Arjuna, there's a parrot. You need to concentrate and hit his right eye."
...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

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