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Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

A lot of people thought bio-warfare was overpowered.

That's why it was banned from competitive use.

A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.

Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.

He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?” The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.” The g...

What does warfare and UTIs have in common?

Fire in the hole!

What does one call a dutch spy who specializes in chemical warfare?

Agent Orange

What do you call a religious figure during warfare?

SMGsus

Why are the Modern Warfare games inexpensive?

They come with a cheap Price

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Why is it called Guerilla Warfare?

Because you're supposed to go apeshit

Did ya hear about Donkey Kong’s Asian cousin, Viet Kong?

He specializes in Gorilla warfare

The Germans and Americans were reaching a stalemate in WWI.

In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, "Why not? It's not...

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

A Frenchmen goes to a library for a book he wants about warfare.

He asks the librarian at the front desk for a book about warfare. The librarian simply responds, “You’ll just lose it.”

I wonder why biological warfare is not popular

even though it's viral

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What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.

They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.

What do you call a fight between two ape tribes?

Guerrilla warfare

There's a primate military-industrial complex, you know

They engage in gorilla warfare to preserve the interests of monkey business

I'm launching a pirating website.

It has two games: a treasure hunting game called "X Marrrrrrks the Spot" and a naval warfare game called "Take No Prisonerrrrrrs." It also has lots of free movies you can download and watch.

All the movies have 3.14 stars.

Junior Terrorist

A junior terrorist is thinking of ways to revolutionize the ways terrorism is done and has many ideas ranging from cyber-attacks to psychological warfare to biochemical strikes. The junior terrorist brings these ideas to the senior terrorist that has been with the organization for decades.
T...

What’s the similarity between Jane Goodall and the Viet Cong?

They’re both masters of gorilla warfare

Hey, Hans!

During World War I, the Germans and the Americans are engaged in trench warfare. There's a lull in the fighting due to lack of supplies on both sides.

One of the Americans, bored with the lack of action, turns to his buddy and says, "hey, what's a common German name?"

His buddy replies...

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Quality, Not Quantity

Quality, Not Quantity

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Wil...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

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Aakashvaani

Pandavas and Kauravas learnt the art of warfare from their teacher Dronacharya.

One fine day, Dronacharya was teaching Arjuna (3rd oldest among Pandavas) the art of Archery.


He said in a heavy voice, "Arjuna, there's a parrot. You need to concentrate and hit his right eye."
...

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

TIL of an odd political problem in Colorado.

Cattle has long been the number one agricultural product of Colorado, but the recent legalization of marijuana is causing significant and unforeseen problems.

Apparently, cows love marijuana as much as people, and cattle ranches and nearby marijuana farms are on the brink of open warfare. Co...

It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes

Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.

What do you call war fought with bees?

...Beeological Warfare

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